


Supposed Crime

by Nynaeve



Category: Stargate: SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, F/M, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-17
Updated: 2009-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 67,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nynaeve/pseuds/Nynaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha Carter makes a choice and a universe diverges into two AU, SJ</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Both of Us

**Author's Note:**

> _A/N: This is a fic inspired by Alanis Morissette's "Hands Clean" from her Under Rug Swept album. I don't really enjoy song fics, so you won't find the lyrics anywhere in the actual story, but you can google it and find them._
> 
>  _That being said, this is an AU fic (which allows me a little bit of leeway with the characters and their actions). So you know that I have a plan and will not leave you hanging, I am envisioning this to be a stand alone story that will be followed up by another stand alone story in which the two universes meet. Enjoy :)_

It has been theorized that for every decision made, a parallel reality is created in which the opposite of that decision is also made, and so what was once one path becomes two and from two, an infinite number. A brilliant musician in one reality maybe a mediocre chef in another and perhaps even a beggar on the street a few thousand realities away from the first reality. Which of these realities is true? Which one is the one of consequence? The closest most will ever get to these parallel universes is through a rousing game of "what if", but there exists a small, elite group that have had the chance to peer into what might have been and change the course of their own lives.

Major Samantha Carter laid awake as images of Netu played and replayed themselves in her mind. Vivid memories of sulphuric humidity and dirt that seemed permanently adhered to her skin seared her nightmares as well as her waking moments. Had it only been a few weeks since the rescue? She stared at the ceiling, both willing herself to close her eyes and keep them open. Behind her eyelids was a heavy and grotesque man having his way with her over and over. His breath was rancid, his sweat covered her, his skin tasted salty, and his breath was labored as he moved with lust. It seemed unfair that her torture had nothing to do with her, but instead belonged to a long dead woman. A woman that had saved her life and yet had also imparted unwanted emotions and experiences to her.

A fleeting thought crossed her thoughts. Was this how it was supposed to be? Another experience, this one hers, pushed itself forward. How strange she had felt to be face to face with a woman that was her and not her at the same time. Long blond hair, unguarded blue eyes that fully shared her pain to anyone who looked at her, and a ring on her finger that came from a man that loved her. To say that she hadn't found herself attracted to Colonel O'Neill from the beginning would be a lie. After almost having jumped him in the locker room, Sam found herself acutely aware of the effect he had on her. They flirted, innocently enough. Then Daniel talked about them being together in another reality and the possibility of them being more in a universe where regulations didn't exist had started her imagination running.

When Dr. Carter came through the mirror, Sam was confronted with feelings she hadn't let herself consider before. On Netu, as she struggled with Jolinar's memories, her love, her shame, her loss, she had found herself drawn to Jack, trusting him implicitly. He was a rock, a sure thing for her in an ocean of uncertainty and confusion. After they arrived home, after Janet had kept them for almost two weeks on base, when she had finally released them, Jack had stopped her in the corridor. His brown eyes had met hers intensely as he offered to listen if she needed it. Sam had simply nodded, dismissing him as simply being polite, but now, as she laid alone in her room without the familiar sounds of the base, she remembered the first time he had asked her if she wanted to talk, after he had visited Dr. Carter. What had transpired between the two was a mystery to her, but he had been genuine then.

Her clock read 0202 and she wondered if he would be all right with her taking him up on his offer in the middle of the night. SG-1 was on stand down, so it there wasn't the issue of him needing to be anywhere in the morning. She needed to talk to someone, she needed to figure out how to sort through the memories. She needed someone who had dealt with horrendous things and yet still managed to live his life. She needed Jack. For another moment she waffled in her decision and there two universes diverged. One Samantha Carter decided against it and that is the Samantha Carter that would become a Lieutenant Colonel, a Colonel, a great scientist and a strong leader. This Samantha Carter rose from her bed, dressed hastily, and made her way out the door.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam stood in front of the Colonel's door and blinked. Her heart was pounding which only made her more frustrated as she fought the tears threatening to spill over. Again she debated the wisdom of her decision, she felt desperate and yet apprehensive. This was stupid, she thought to herself. What was she doing bothering him this time of night? What insight could he possibly have into her situation? Resigning herself to loneliness, she turned around and started back towards her vehicle, but before she had even taken a step, she heard the front door open.

"Major?"

She spun around and quickly wiped her eyes. "Sir!"

Jack leaned against the door jamb and ran his hand through his hair. "Is there a reason you're standing on my front door step at 0230?"

"Uh, well, you see, I-I—" Sam stammered, her cheeks flushed. He looked at her expectantly, but there was a warmth in his brown eyes that made her pause. Taking the risk, she confessed. "I was having a nightmare. About Netu. Jolinar's memories actually and I just…"

"Come on in," he responded softly, stepping back to give her access.

"You know, this wasn't a good idea, I'm just going to go," she said, taking a step backwards and not realizing she was so close to the edge, she started to fall backwards. Jack responded quickly, grasping her outstretched hand and pulled her back into a standing position. It took Sam a second to gather her composure before she noticed she was standing mere inches from Jack's face. His eyes, still a little sleepy, were unguarded and he was regarding her with an expression that she didn't know how to interpret. Was he concerned?

"You're here, I'm up, and I wouldn't have invited you out of polite obligation because, well, I'm not polite." A small smile crossed his face and Sam felt a tingle travel down her spine.

"Okay, but first you're going to have to let go of my arm," she answered quietly, giving him a smile back. "Sir."

This time he was caught unawares and he hastily pulled his hand back before backing up into the house again. Slowly she walked past him into the house, fighting the urge to pause and look at him. She picked up his scent, one she was very familiar with, of aftershave, a non-descript soap, and something else that was uniquely him. Her being there was inappropriate, she knew that. Although nothing had been said, ever since Daniel had mentioned their counterparts' engagement, there had been a heightened attraction on her end and increased flirtation on his end. It had only become worse after Dr. Samantha Carter's appearance and the kiss her and the Colonel had shared… in Sam's line of sight. She suddenly felt very unattractive in her black t-shirt from work and a pair of old jeans she had picked up off the floor. Jack on the other hand was dressed in a pair of black flannel pants and a white tee and since he was a guy, he naturally looked good in the most basic outfit.

"Want a beer? I'd offer you something else, but um, I haven't had the chance to get to the store…"

"A beer would be great," she responded, moving into his living room. She turned on a lamp on her way in, but refrained from sitting down. Jack was back in a second handing her a Guinness.

He motioned to the couch. "Wanna sit?"

She shook her head and started pacing a little. "I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep since Netu. If I fall asleep, I'm back there, but not as me. Instead I'm Jolinar and I'm reliving…" Her voice trailed and she shuddered as the images crossed her mind again. Unbidden tears started to flow. "The way he touched her, the way he used her, everything, I remember everything and it's hell, sir. It's hell."

Jack put his beer on the table and took hers from her hand and did likewise. Without saying anything he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed into his chest. "It wasn't you, Carter."

"It might as well have been," she replied, her voice muffled. "I feel his skin, I smell his stench."

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry I put you through this."

Sam let herself relax against him and her tears continued to flow. She felt safe and the memories felt far away while he held her. "How do you live with these things?"

"I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask," he answered, his voice still soft. Sam pulled back from him just enough to meet his gaze. His eyes were wide awake and yet still unguarded. Years of pain, a heaviness, and hints of loneliness came over her. "You don't ever really get over it, you just try not to dwell on the past."

She nodded and closed her eyes and Jack felt his heart ache for her. In three years combat had taken a bright, vivacious, cheery major and started to taint her. He felt guilty because he was her commander. He felt guilty because he'd found himself drawn to her. Hell, he felt guilty for a thousand reasons.

"I don't want to go home."

Warning bells should have gone off for one of them, but standing in his dim living room, in the middle of night, sense seemed to have been left on Netu. Their lips were barely an inch apart and if someone had asked Jack what the hell he was thinking, he wouldn't have been able to tell them. Gently he touched his lips to hers and he felt her gasp slightly, but still she responded, parting her lips to allow him to intensify the kiss. Sam's body went limp as it leaned into him, his hands cupping her chin, letting him explore and taste her mouth deeply and eagerly.

Sam felt a fire surge through her, starting from her lips and on her skin where his hands held her, it coursed down through her, to her breast, down her spine, through her hips and down her legs to her toes. How long had this attraction been brewing? How had she not noticed that she wanted him this badly? Sam Carter was a good girl, a by the book girl, never a hair out of place or a wrinkle in her uniform. Yet here she was in an intimate embrace with her superior officer and she didn't give a damn. Finding her hands, she lifted his shirt and let her fingers tenderly caress his skin. She wanted him. She wanted him because she had wanted him from day one. She wanted him because she wanted to erase Jolinar's memories. It had taken a year to finally deal with the emptiness Jolinar's death had left her with and in one mission, that hole had been ripped open again.

His hands trailed down from her chin and neck to her waist, where he pulled her close as he explored her neck. Finding the spot behind her ear, he stayed and gave her cause to let out a hungry moan.

"Oh, Jack," she whispered against his neck. At the sound of his name, he froze, the reality of the situation crashing down on him and not only on him, but her as well. Sam trembled slightly as they disentangled themselves from one another and she thought he seemed a bit shaky as well. He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath.

Before he could respond, she spoke up. "I should go. I'm sorry to have bothered you this late at night."

"Sam, wait," he said, reaching out his hand to grab her arm.

"I need to think, sir," she said. "Just give me a couple of days, I'll call you, we'll figure this out."

He nodded in assent and let go of her arm. Jack remained in his place as he watched her leave and didn't move until he heard her car start up and back out of the driveway. He had wanted to help her, but he feared he only created a worse situation.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam stared at the bread, the peanut butter, and the grape jelly. Her goal was to make lunch and while she had gotten all the ingredients together to make the simplest of meals, she found herself lost in her memory again. This time, though, it wasn't Netu she was trapped on; this time she was in Colonel O'Neill's house with his hand caressing her skin. How had it happened? That was a stupid question, she knew _how_ it happened. How could she have let it happen? She had a stellar record, a perfect record with letters of commendation out the nose. Her roommate at the Academy teased her for being so straight laced. Sure, she pushed the limits as a teenager, but of all the times she snuck out of the house only two were ever for a boy. The other times it was because she liked to sneak down to the university nearby and sit in on lectures from various faculty. No matter how she cut it, she was a nerd, a goody two-shoes.

"I think if you're going to try working on telekinesis, you should start small, you know, move a salt shaker or something. Making sandwiches is definitely an intermediate level task," a familiar voice interrupted. Sam jumped.

"Geez, Daniel, what the hell are you doing?"

Daniel looked at her sheepishly. "Well, I knocked, then I banged, then I rang the doorbell, but then I remembered it didn't work, so I let myself in."

"What if I had been in the shower?" she retorted, getting a butter knife out of the drawer.

"I would've yelled 'HEY SAM, I'M IN THE KITCHEN' and then I would have grabbed a soda."

Sam rolled her eyes at him and sighed. "What do you want?"

"Teal'c thought you might like to go to lunch. Unless you wanted to continue you're experiment of course," Daniel replied, motioning to the food in front of her. "He's in the car trying to pick out a CD."

Not worrying about the bread or peanut butter, Sam put the jelly back into the fridge. It took her only a second to grab her purse and slip on her shoes. Her first inclination had been to turn Daniel down, but in the course of their discussion she had found her mind pleasantly occupied from the guilt she had been feeling. Sliding into the back seat she was met with a familiar, raw voice. Raising an eyebrow she looked at Teal'c.

"Alanis Morissette?"

"Lieutenant Asher informed me that she was a voice for women in your culture. I thought I would educate myself," Teal'c replied.

"I think the bigger question is why Daniel has _Jagged Little Pill_ in his collection," Sam answered, giving Daniel a playful shove.

She teased him for a little longer on his music collection before looking out the window and realizing the neighborhood they were entering. Of course, why hadn't she seen it? They were going to get Jack as well so they could eat lunch as a team and even spend the afternoon together. A wave of nausea struck her and she leaned back in the seat. This was supposed to be time for her to forget what had happened, to sort through what had happened, not to be hit in the face with what had happened.

"Sam, what don't you do the honors?"

"Uh, you know, Daniel, you're a lot better at this sort of thing. Besides, I think he likes you better," she said, forcing a smile on her face.

"I must disagree, Major Carter. I have observed that he spends a great deal more time in your presence as of late."

Out numbered, Sam resigned herself to her fate and exited the vehicle. She tried not to look awkward as she stepped up to the front door and rang the bell. A muffled voice called out and after a minute, the front door opened to reveal Jack O'Neill in a blue tee and jeans. He looked taken aback at seeing her and something flashed across his eyes. She knew he was remembering, just like she was. The taste of his lips, the touch of his hands, his scent, his voice. Her skin started tingling like it had the night before and she remembered the fire that had coursed through her.

"Carter?" His voice was soft and questioning.

She closed her eyes. "Daniel wanted to know if you wanted to come to lunch with us."

"Oh," he answered. "I don't think that's such a great idea."

"I… I didn't tell anyone, in case you're wondering," she offered meekly.

He stepped forward. "Look, about what happened-"

Daniel's voice interrupted his statement. "Jack, what are you doing? Come on!"

"I'm not coming, Daniel," the older man said, not moving his eyes away from Sam. "I have a lot of resting to catch up on."

"No you don't." The archaeologist moved past Sam and forced Jack to meet his eyes. "You need to get out of the house and do something fun. We're going to go to lunch and then we're going bowling."

"Bowling?"

"Teal'c's idea."

"Ah."

"I'm not leaving until you say yes."

"Seriously?"

"I have some books in the car…"

Jack let out a groan. "All right, all right, I give in. Give me a sec, I'll meet you in the car."

When Jack crawled into Daniel's Kia Rio, he was met by loud music and a citrus scent that he knew belonged to Samantha Carter. He avoided making eye contact with her and simply commented, "Who's dying and why are we listening to it?"

Daniel turned down the stereo, "It was Teal'c's idea."

"It's your CD collection," Sam said.

Jack sighed and leaned back. "Where's Jimmy Buffett when you need him?"

"I believe he is in a place called Margaritaville, O'Neill."

"Yeah, well, it's my own damn fault," he muttered, looking briefly at Carter. Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. So much for a relaxing afternoon.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam managed to make it through lunch and bowling without much incident. After the bowling, where she surprisingly managed to kick butt (she told them it was all about the physics which had at least elicited a chuckle from Jack), Jack invited them all back to his place for movies. Although things continued to feel awkward between them, Daniel and Teal'c had provided a satisfactory buffer, and she had found herself relaxing and enjoying the company. Laughter was good medicine as Janet liked to remind her. After a few beers, and one chick flick requested by Sam, the boys had managed to get an action flick started before she could complain. It wasn't that she hated action flicks, only that she felt her real life saw enough action. Who needed Hollywood explosions when she carried C-4 around on a daily basis?

About three fourths of the way through, when Harrison Ford was looking haggard and bleeding and yet still saving the world, she wandered into the kitchen, taking some plates and bottles with her. Sam opened the dishwasher and found it full of clean dishes, so she started to put them away. She needed time to think since she hadn't allowed herself to do so for most of the day. Part of it had been fear. She didn't know how she would react if the images that popped into her mind were of Netu. This time, the images were her own, and she was partially relieved. Her father had been incredibly strong throughout the ordeal and she had remembered how she had adored him as a little girl. Her daddy could do anything, fix anything, make everything better. Granted, she had been rescuing him, but there had been such resilience. Was she that strong?

She paused to rinse off a dish before putting it in the now empty dishwasher. Jolinar's memory invaded again. Heat, thrusting, hard odors. Sam leaned over the sink and fought back tears. Not here, not now, please not now, she begged herself silently.

"Carter?"

Jack's voice made her tense up, but she refused to turn around. "Yes, sir?"

"You don't have to clean up, I'll take care of it." She felt him step up behind her, but she shook her head and held her hand up.

"I'm fine, sir. I just wanted a few minutes by myself."

Gently his hand touched her arm and he turned her around. Her blue eyes were watering and red and a tear escaped, creating a wet trail down her cheek.

"Please," she whispered, her eyes begging him to leave her be. "Please don't do this."

"I'm sorry about last night," he answered softly. "It was out of line and I take full responsibility."

Again she shook her head. "Don't do that, sir. Don't let me off the hook. I wanted it as much as you did and I could have stopped you. You didn't force anything on me."

"It's not about force, Sam. I'm your commanding officer and sometimes that little bit of authority affects you in ways you don't realize. You came to me needing a shoulder and I took advantage-"

Teal'c's voice interrupted Jack. "O'Neill, Daniel Jackson and I are ready to depart. I am here to gather Major Carter so that we may take her to her residence."

Sam looked at him and smiled. "Thanks, Teal'c, I'll be just a second." The Jaffa nodded and exited the kitchen, leaving them along again.

"Stay," Jack said, gently wiping a tear from her cheek. Part of him knew that he shouldn't ask her, but he desperately wanted to get everything figured out. He wanted to apologize, smooth things over, and in this moment she seemed open enough for them to do it.

"I shouldn't."

He nodded. "I just want us to figure this out and we were having a good conversation."

Sam moved towards the kitchen door and was partway to the door before she stopped. Teal'c was already standing at the door with Daniel next to him. Time seemed to freeze as she took stock of the situation. She had never been a runner, her father had taught her to face every problem down. When she'd struggled with her literature classes at the Academy, she got a tutor. When Hansen had slapped her for the first and last time, she ended it then and there. Now she was faced with an insurmountable attraction to her superior officer and she needed to resolve it. "Hey guys, Colonel O'Neill is going to give me a ride back. I'm going to help him clean up here."

Daniel looked at her questioningly but Teal'c simply offered yet another head nod before they exited. She turned on her heels to face Jack who was now leaning against the wall.

"What changed your mind?"

Sam didn't answer him, but closed her eyes. "How many?" Her voice was soft and controlled.

"How many what?" Jack stepped forward when she didn't answer right away. "How many what, Sam?"

"You said this was your fault, you talked about this like it's happened before."

"Never for me," he answered, his voice firm. "I may push the limits, but not like that. I would never, ever use you like that and I'm appalled you could even consider it."

Jack was standing inches away from her, his eyes hard and his expression glowering. Sam's breath caught in her chest and she brought her eyes to meet his. The moment the question had passed her lips, she had known it was foolish. Jack O'Neill was known for being a maverick, for pushing limits, but he always was very careful about which ones he pushed and when to step back. He respected the military code of conduct and she had no doubt that when he had been married he had been faithful to the very end.

"I'm sorry, sir," she whispered. "I'm just trying to make sense of all this, that's all. You're right, you're a good officer, sir."

"So are you, Sam," he responded. His expression softened and his gently lifted her chin up to get a better look at her eyes. "I am willing to take full responsibility because you're a good officer. If I talk to Hammond, he'll give me a letter of reprimand and make me swear it'll never happen again. I'll tell him you were vulnerable and it was a moment of weakness for both of us, but that I instigated it."

"It would be a lie."

"No, it just would be my interpretation of events."

Sam stepped back. "Is that what you think? That you took advantage of me?" She reached out and touched his arm. "You didn't. Don't you dare think for a second that I didn't want you as much as you wanted me."

Her confession clearly startled him and he stepped out of her reach. "Don't say that, I need to be able to swear to Hammond it won't happen again."

Her gaze fell to the floor and she carefully inhaled. She had said more than she intended and she felt vulnerable. Unbidden, a Jolinar memory came to her, one where she was undressing herself, trying to convince her disgusting companion that she desired him. Sam covered her mouth and willed the memory away, but she couldn't.

"Carter?"

Reacting on instinct she stepped forward and pressed her lips to his. She wanted to forget, she wanted to lose herself in something pleasant and beautiful. Jack had been caught off guard and had eagerly responded to her kiss before catching himself. He pulled back slightly. "We can't do this, it's a mistake."

"I never make mistakes, sir," she answered, a small smile playing at her lips.

"This would be your first then," he said. "I can't let you ruin your perfect record."

"I want this." Her voice wavered slightly. "I want to forget, Jack. Help me forget."

He leaned his forehead against hers. He wanted her, he wanted more than he had wanted her in the last three years and yet he still held back. Everything about the situation was wrong, everything felt wrong, and he knew he should step back and be the stronger, but he found himself speechless. Sam took advantage of his silence to meet his lips again. This time he didn't try to step back, he just lost himself in her embrace, exploring her lips with his, letting his hand roam wherever he desired. She let out a small gasp as his rough hands stroked her stomach. His eyes were clouded with desire and he was focused on only one thing. Her.

Sam moaned and sighed with every touch and every kiss. Her mind had started screaming for her to stop before this had even started and she had decided to hell with it. She had been the good girl her entire life and she had sacrificed over and over again. This time she had given her sanity, her peace of mind, and she was going to be damned if she didn't get something in return. They parted momentarily so that he could remove her shirt and she started at the button of his pants. Desire ached throughout her body and pressed against him, she knew he desired her just as much. A trail of clothing led to the bedroom where they let themselves experience their passion fully. Sam wasn't sure if it was the years of pent up sexual tension or the forbidden nature of their union that made it amazing, but by the time they were finished she wasn't able to even able to remember why she would have objected in the first place.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When Jack rolled over the next morning, he found the other half of his bed very empty. Reaching over he felt the sheets and upon finding them cold, sat up. He ran his hand through his hair and took in a deep breath. Last night had been extremely passionate, enough so that he had lost track of how stupid what they were doing was. The kiss, that was a mistake, easy enough to move on from, easy enough to explain to General Hammond, last night… Last night was a career ender. Jack chuckled at the irony of the fact that he had _retired_ and now stood to have his career _ended_ by a one night stand with a junior officer, although it was Carter's career that was more on the line than his. Granted, they probably wouldn't kick them out of the military, but she would have a hell of a time getting promotions not to mention she'd never live down the reputation of sleeping her way to the top.

He glanced at the pillow quickly just to make sure she hadn't left a note, not that he expected her to, and pulled on a pair of boxers and a shirt before heading to the kitchen to scrounge up breakfast. A cool breeze greeted him as he walked towards the fridge and he realized the patio door was open. Curious, he walked out onto the deck and found Carter sitting on a chair staring off into space.

"I thought you'd left," Jack said, taking the chair next to her.

"I figured we needed to talk," she answered, fixing her blue eyes on him.

He smiled. "Wasn't that what we were trying to do last night?"

"Didn't seem to solve much did we?" She put her gaze back towards the trees. "I'm not sorry about last night."

"I am," he replied with a sigh. "What we did could destroy your career."

"What about your career?"

"I don't give a damn at this point. I tried retiring, why the hell do you think I try to piss people off? I like to remind them that they _asked_ me to come back, I didn't volunteer." He waved a finger in the air with typical Jack O'Neill grandiosity.

Sam laughed. "It's my career to lose. Besides, I won't unless we tell somebody."

"Carter, what the hell has gotten into you? You're my moral compass out on the field, the one reminding me that I can't just blow some asshole's head off because he annoys me!" Jack looked at her, his eyes studying her, trying to decipher what had changed.

Sam got quiet for a moment before answering. "When I was in high school, I did everything I was supposed to do to get to college. I had one boyfriend who broke up with me because I preferred Calculus homework to him. At the Academy, I stayed in and studied while my roommate and her friends cut loose. They bent the rules here or there, but they were satisfied with B's. Not me. I had to be the best. Then I worked tirelessly on the Stargate program and ended up on SG-1 and for the last three years I have watched the world go by me while I gave and gave and gave."

She stood up and motioned out towards the sky. "Every time the military has asked me to jump, I've asked how high. I didn't know it could be different, I felt so powerless. Then we met Dr. Carter and she was beautiful and fulfilled in a way that I haven't ever been. She chose to be a civilian and she got everything she wanted. I chose the military and I got, what? A symbiote's life downloaded into my brain? I feel so empty and every time I close my eyes I'm haunted by the horrors that Jolinar faced on Netu. Who's there to comfort me? The military has demanded so much of my life and my time that I have no one to help me carry these burdens they continue to throw on top of me."

Tears started to form in her eyes and Jack stood up to wrap his arms around her. Hard sobs wracked her body and he just held her tighter. "Why me, Carter?"

"Because you know what it feels like," she whispered hoarsely.

"Are you sure about this? If we do this, we're putting it all on the line. There's no way on God's green earth Hammond is going to let either of us out of the program. This won't be like a normal relationship. On the other hand, I'm willing to keep my mouth shut about last night and let you try to move forward."

"I'm sure, Jack," she answered firmly. "One thing, though. I want this to remain just between us. No one, and I mean no one, else is to know. Not Daniel, not Teal'c, not anyone."

"Agreed," he said. "My stipulation – anything that happens at the SGC stays at the SGC. Whatever I decide on duty is a command decision and I can't risk coming home and having you question my decisions."

She nodded and laid her head against his chest. Everything they were doing was wrong and she didn't care. Something inside her had changed, she felt more selfish than she had before. Still, she was committed to this and they stood for a long time in each other's arms wondering about the future.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

TBC…


	2. The Both of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: It is recommended you review "Tangent" from Season 4._

Major Samantha Carter leaned against the bulkhead of the ship being piloted by her father. What was supposed to have been a day for the celebration of human ingenuity had turned into a rescue mission for two comrades. Check that, she thought, one comrade and one lover, not that anyone knew about the last part. She felt twisted and knotted inside and she was trying to deep breathe to release the tension. They were going to make it, they had to make it, and she wouldn't let the situation end any other way. If something happened to Jack, there would be no one to comfort her the way she would need to be comforted. They had been discreet, so discreet that they were both sure no one suspected anything. On duty it was all yes, sir, no sir, Carter this and Carter that. They didn't even make hinted references to later liaisons while on the base.

A single tear that she could not keep back, slid down her left cheek. Her brain had been going nonstop since the moment they received the distress transmission. In all the commotion she had pushed her own feelings back into the corner to be dealt with accordingly when the time came. It seemed her mind was deciding that now was that time. Another tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away, trying to silence her tumultuous emotions. Jack and Teal'c were stubborn sons of bitches, of that she was certain. They were warriors from different worlds, with different personalities, but their hearts were one and the same. If anyone could survive in the face of unyielding odds, it was them. Sam let these thoughts rush over her and comfort her worried soul.

"Sam?"

Her head shot up and she gave Daniel a weak smile as the door closed behind him and he made his way to her. Quietly he sat down beside her and Sam took the opportunity to find relief in the presence of a friend. She let herself lean against him and she felt him put his arm around her.

"You okay?" he asked softly. "We haven't seen you in a little while."

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered, sniffling a little. "I guess I've been going a thousand miles an hour and hadn't given myself a chance to really deal with everything."

"We're going to get there in time, even with our little 'Wizard of Oz' stop." Daniel gave her a playful nudge and she let out a light chuckle. "They're tough."

Sam nodded. "The toughest."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Daniel spoke again. "It's okay, you know, that you're upset about this. I mean, we face death together over and over again, but usually we're so caught up in the moment we never stop to think about what we're ignoring while trying to survive."

"Or how much it would hurt to lose each other," she added, taking in a deep breath.

"Yeah," Daniel replied contemplatively. "Would it help to talk about something to get your mind off of it? I've been picking Selmak's brain to further my understanding of the history of the Goa'uld."

"Has it helped?"

"A little. I can ignore the sick feeling in my stomach and it keeps me from dwelling on the possibility that…" his voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I heard SG-7 brought back an exciting piece of technology back."

Unable to contain it, a smile crossed Sam's face at Daniel's sweet attempt to sway her thoughts in another direction. "They found a quantum mirror on their last mission to P4X-946. Hammond wanted to destroy it like the other one, but some yuppie at the Pentagon agreed with me that we should study it."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous?"

"I had them construct a trinium alloy cover, much like our iris. This way I can dissect the circuitry without accidentally falling through or someone else coming through," she explained. She was about to continue when her father called out that they had found the X-301. "Show time," she muttered, standing and heading towards the front of the cargo ship.

In truth the entire ordeal lasted only five minutes, but Sam felt like it had lasted an hour. She thought she would scream when she couldn't get Jack's attention at first, but by the time she heard the familiar whir of the rings activating, it took all of her military training not to grab Jack and kiss him right there. Reluctantly she let Daniel take lead and when he knelt next to Jack, she took her place by Teal'c. The first thing he asked for was water and she was ready with a canteen. Daniel was trying to get Jack into a sitting position and within a few minutes both men were seated against the wall of the cargo bay, drinking in both air and water.

Daniel continued to tend to Jack, so Sam stayed with Teal'c, although the Jaffa maintained that he was well because he had kel'no'reemed while trapped in the glider. Jack required a little more work because of the hypoxia, but was soon back to his usual, grumpy self.

"Anyone got any food?"

Sam raised her hand and ran to her pack to grab an energy bar. Giving it to Jack, their fingers brushed and from the intensity of his gaze, she knew it was intentional. It was all he could give her and she was grateful.

"Thank you, Carter."

"Any time, sir." She was smiling when she turned around and this smile ran all the way down to her toes. SG-1 had yet again cheated death.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jack and Teal'c had been ushered to the infirmary almost the second the ship touched ground. Daniel and Sam both desperately wanted to be with their friends, but General Hammond insisted on a briefing. She was careful not to argue and dutifully reported to the conference room. Her father was close behind and they gave a thorough run down of their mission.

"Jacob, we can't thank you enough for helping us out," Hammond said, extending his hand in gratitude. Jacob shook it and smiled.

"You should know, George, that daughters always have a special power over their fathers."

"Dad!" Sam responded, a small blush creeping into her cheeks.

Hammond's grin only broadened in understanding. "That's a fact I know all too well. Are you able to stay for a little while or do you have to head back?"

"I can stay for a couple days. That is, of course, assuming my daughter can put up with her old man," he answered, turning to Sam who rolled her eyes in mock sarcasm.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Well then, I'm going to put SG-1 on stand down and give you all some time off. Take the week and rest up. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a conference call to attend to." Hammond stood and dismissed the team.

"I'm going to head down to see Teal'c and Jack," Daniel said, also excusing himself from the group. Sam watched and felt envious of the lack of pretense her friend required. The entire ordeal had taken a lot of out of her as she strove to distance herself from her private reality. Her relationship with her father had been a wonderful development in the last couple years, but she found herself in need of some moments in which she could release the weight and remove the façade that covered her. Unfortunately, her relief would have to continue to be put on hold.

Jacob turned to his daughter and put his arm around her. "Why don't we head back to your place, clean up, and I treat you to some dinner."

"Sounds great, but I'd also like to stop by the infirmary and check on Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c," she said with a small sigh.

Her father nodded in agreement. "I'll meet you at the elevator in thirty minutes. That'll give me time to pull on some more appropriate clothes for traveling around Earth in."

He gave her shoulder a squeeze and headed towards the locker rooms. She kept a small bag at the bottom of her locker for her father with a simple outfit and she had more for him at the house. As they parted and Sam walked towards the infirmary, she felt the tension of the day start to slip away. Her adrenaline levels were dropping and her fears had subsided. Jack was home. They had done it. She paused at the entry way to the infirmary and watched as a nurse finished taking Jack's blood pressure. He was busy muttering to himself about his hand going numb and didn't notice her standing there watching him. Teal'c was sitting in the bed next to him looking rather annoyed at the thermometer placed in his mouth.

"They're going to be all right." Janet's voice caused her to jump slightly. "Teal'c will be able to go back to his quarters tonight and I'll send the Colonel home tomorrow. They were very lucky."

"We're SG-1, we're the luckiest team in the universe," Sam replied. Her voice was low, but it still caught Jack's attention. His gaze momentarily met hers before he went back to harassing the nurse, not letting on that he had even been minorly distracted.

"Maybe so, but I do wish you all would end up in my infirmary a little less often," the petite doctor retorted. "Feel free to stay and chat for a few minutes. Like I said, they're going to be fine." Grabbing a chart she headed towards her office.

Sam made her way over to Jack and Teal'c. Jack gave her a smile. "Hey."

"Hey," she said back, returning his grin with one of her own. "How are you guys feeling?"

"I am well, Major Carter. My symbiote has already restored me to full health."

Jack stretched his arms out. "I'm still pretty tired, but I think a shower, a good night's rest, and maybe a beer would do the trick."

"I don't know if Janet would approve of you having a beer in her infirmary, sir," she said, her blue eyes sparkling. The playful gleam in Jack's eyes said all she needed to know; he fully expected to see her when he was out, beer in hand.

"Yes, well, I suppose you're right," he said, looking slightly dejected. "But maybe I can convince her to bring me cake from the commissary."

"I think that might be doable," Janet's voice rang out as she walked over to her newest patients. "In fact, I'm going to insist on a very healthy, very large dinner."

"No beer, huh?" Jack asked. Sam felt warmth spread through her as she watched him give Janet some of his boyish charm. Her hands tingled with desire to touch him and they felt painfully empty as their desire was ignored by their owner.

Janet shot him a withering look. "Nice try, Colonel."

He shrugged. "I had to ask." Janet smiled as she looked at some of the monitors and jotted numbers down on her pad.

"I have to go, I just wanted to check on you guys. Dad's taking me out to dinner," Sam said apologetically, stepping backwards. "I'll have a beer for you, sir."

"See that you do, Carter."

They shared a momentary glance that lasted longer than it should have and yet not nearly long enough. Glances and stray touches were as far as either of them would ever push while in the presence of friends. People knew that Jack and Sam cared for each other; the zay'tarc incident had almost forced their hand. She remembered Jack's eyes on her as he slowly upped the intensity of his feelings for her. Her heart had pounded loudly in her ears and she had been relieved when the machine had been satisfied with "I care about her, more than I'm supposed to." Teal'c was the epitome of discretion and had made no comment about the situation. Janet had tried once or twice to ask about how Sam felt, but Sam brushed her off with jokes, letting her friend believe it was nothing more than hero worship. Daniel no doubt suspected that there was an attraction, but he wasn't the type to interfere with the personal lives of his friends, so he let them be. It was a precarious situation that required careful balance.

Jacob was already at the elevator when she arrived and together they went topside. Back at her house, she let herself take a long shower, enjoying the heat and steam. She smiled at the memory of the first and only time she had showered with Jack. Instead of being romantic and erotic, it had turned into a fight for who could stand under the shower head. After that, he insisted on taking separate showers so that he didn't have to be cold while she washed her hair. Moments like that made them feel like such a normal couple and during those times she could almost forget that what they were doing was forbidden. Today, though, the taboo nature of their relationship had slapped her repeatedly in the face. The two of them hadn't spent alone time together in almost two weeks. She had purchased an expensive Riesling a few days ago in anticipation of a quiet evening together after the test flight, but the bottle remained untouched in her wine rack. After another few minutes, rinsing the suds off her creamy body, she finished her shower. Quickly, she toweled off and slipped on a robe, deciding to allow herself the luxury of dressing up with a simple black skirt and pink top along with make up to make her feel more feminine.

When she finally entered the living room, her father was leaning on his hand while sitting on the couch, lightly dozing. She shook him awake and he smiled. "I guess some things are just inherent to women."

"I didn't take that long," she said with a mock glare. Her father just gave her a warm smile and offered his arm, which she took willingly.

Dinner was spent catching up. Sam told her father about the quantum mirror and some of the projects that Daniel had been up to. She had spent the holidays and her birthday with Mark and his family and their relationship seemed to be warming up. Mark's older daughter was taking ballet and would have her first recital in a few weeks and her brother and his wife were thinking a third baby might be in order. Jacob promised Sam he would call Mark before he left and that he would make the effort to get out there on his next visit to Earth.

The conversation took a turn for the worse later that evening when she was dressed for bed and sitting on the couch drinking tea with her father. Selmak had stayed quiet for most of the conversation, as he usually did while Jacob visited with her.

"Seeing anyone special?"

Sam maintained her composure and shook her head. "Nope. I've got too much going on at work to try to balance a love life as well."

"Work can't be everything though. What about life? I mean, even the Tok'Ra take time to have relationships, form bonds, and the like. Hell, we even have game night if you can believe that," he said with a chuckle. "I actually taught some of them to play poker."

"Poker?" She had to let out a small laugh at the thought of Anise playing poker. "How does that work with your symbiote?"

"Selmak's a great bluffer. It's amazing how the skills you learn trying to pretend to be in the service of a minor Goa'uld help you in that game." He took a sip of his tea. "Now, about life…"

"Dad, I'm happy. Really. I know I work a lot, but I do get out. We have team night pretty regularly and if I'm not with them, I'm with Janet and Cassie. I've got a full life with lots of people who love me," she assured him. So far she'd managed to keep from giving him an outright lie. A familiar twinge reminded her of how commonplace it had become for her to stretch the truth, omit a fact, or, on the rare occasion, tell a blatant, bald-face lie. The lies were harder to keep up with, so she tried to keep them as few and far between. It was the only way for her to make peace with her conscience.

Jacob sighed and when he opened his mouth again, she was surprised to hear Selmak's voice. "He is only concerned for your well being, Samantha. He fears you will find yourself lonely in your older age and will have many regrets as he does." He cleared his throat and once again, the voice returned to her father's. "He's right, Sam. I am worried about your loneliness and regrets."

"Well stop. I'm happy and I don't know why you and Mark can't just lay off. You guys aren't around me everyday so you don't know what my life is like." Her voice was harsher than she intended and her lack of control surprised her. Cringing she noticed how taken aback her father was. With a small clearing of the throat she spoke again, this time her voice was gentler. "I'm sorry. It just seems like everyone wants to tell me how to live my life. I know you care. Really."

"I'm sorry, Sam. You're right. I'm not around that much. I don't know what your life is like," he answered, regret flowing through his tone. He refused to meet her eyes, but studied his teacup instead.

She stood up, unsure of how to rectify the conversation and all she could hope was that a good night's rest would smooth things over. "Maybe we should get some rest before tomorrow since you wanted to do all your Christmas shopping on this trip."

Leaning down, Sam gave him a peck on the cheek and felt some of the strain between them disappear as he returned the kiss. Once in her room, out of habit, she checked her phone, but wasn't surprised by the lack of calls. Jack was in the infirmary and he would never risk a call from base. Hopefully she would hear from him tomorrow so they could plan something together. Her body felt cold without having yet felt him close to know that he was alive. It took longer than usual, but she eventually drifted off into a fitful slumber.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam set down multiple bags in her living room, letting out a sigh of relief to finally be home. As much as she enjoyed shopping, her father wasn't exactly her first choice of companion. All in all, the day had been productive. She had found a few things for herself and Jacob had managed to complete his shopping for not only Christmas but the birthdays that had yet to come up. They had spent the afternoon in silence, mostly because her father had become increasingly more irritated as the day wore on. She knew it wasn't directed at her, but rather his distaste for shopping and the fact that it had been a very long time since he had subjected himself to it. They had yet to mention the night before and Jacob had made sure to keep the conversation away from anything of a personal nature. Sam knew it was difficult for him, but she didn't know what else to do.

She was just about to suggest ordering in for dinner, when she heard the familiar tune of her cell phone. Glancing at the caller ID she saw it was Jack.

"I need to take this," she said quickly, heading to her bedroom and closing the door. Flipping it open she answered. "Carter."

"Hey, guess who broke free from the base infirmary," came his familiar voice. After her long day, his voice was like warm oil being massaged into her aching back.

Her face broke into a smile. "I'm sure Janet was just as eager to be rid of you as you were to be out of there."

"Probably. Especially since I told her she could eat my shorts," he retorted. "I'm just glad to be home and not stuck in some damn plane. I think I've fulfilled my flyboy urges for a while."

"I'm glad you're home too," she said, her voice lacking his sense of joviality. "I want to come over and see you."

"You're dad's here, Carter. Spend time with him, he's gone tomorrow," Jack responded. "Not that I don't want to see you, of course."

Sam didn't say anything for a moment. She knew he was right, that she should eke out as much time as possible with her father considering the many dangers the universe held and his common inaccessibility. Still, the pain of almost losing Jack had created in her a deep hunger to be close him and the craving only grew worse as each hour ticked by. As much as Sam felt she had an obligation to her family, she also felt she had an obligation to herself.

"Jack, I need to see you. I can't explain it, but I do," she finally said. When he didn't respond she continued. "Maybe it's stupid and emotional, but I almost lost you and I need to see you to know that it's over with."

A sympathetic sigh came from the other end. "It's not stupid. Hell, I'm feeling the same way and I'm the one that almost died." He paused. "You know I always want to see you and it's your call."

"I'll be there soon."

Hanging up she walked into the living room where here father was stretched out on the couch flipping channels.

"Hey Dad, you think you can fend for yourself for dinner? Something came up on the base, so I'm going to head over and see if I can help them out." Sam started kicking herself the moment the words left her mouth. It was an outright lie, but it had been the first thing that came to mind. She couldn't tell him it was errands because they had spent all day out. Janet would have probably been a better excuse, but she had already spoken.

Jacob sat up. "Anything I can do?"

"No, it's just a computer thing. Shouldn't take more than a couple hours. I'll be back soon," she responded with a smile. He returned it as Sam kissed him on the cheek before grabbing her purse and keys and heading out of the house.

A knot formed in Sam's gut as she started her car and headed towards Jack's. For the last year, she had pushed the guilt aside easily because she had kept her life compartmentalized. At work, they were professionals, at home, alone, they were lovers. Often she felt as though she was a different person and for the first time since she had entered into their illicit relationship, she wondered if she was who she wanted to be. Lying to her father had been easier than she had believed it would be and that's what bothered her most. When did lying become second nature?

Sam pulled into the Chinese place near Jack's and went inside. She ordered and waited, her eyes instinctively scanning for anyone she might know. Her whole body felt tense between the lie, the fear of being caught, and her internal desperation to hold Jack. Her thoughts were racing and were so loud that she missed it the first time they called her number. The small oriental woman who had taken her order began waving and shouting "Miss" which snapped her out of her reverie. Nodding politely she took the bags and drove the rest of the way.

Jack opened the door before she even knocked and she was grateful because her hands were full. Their eyes met and without a word, she walked in, where they continued to just look at each other, taking each other in, something they hadn't been able to do after the incident. Sam's heart caught in her throat as she felt the loneliness that she'd been holding at bay flood over her.

"I, uh, I picked up some food, because I thought you might be hungry. I got you sweet and sour chicken, but I was in the mood for something spicy so I picked up orange chicken too which you can have some if you want. I didn't know if you wanted egg rolls, so I got some of those too. There's rice and I even got some noodles –" her voice choked and she felt tears sting her eyes. "I just thought maybe you had thought about Chinese food while stuck up there and…" Without her consent, tears began to flow and she dropped the bags on the floor right in front of the door. "I almost lost you, Jack. I was so terrified I was going to lose you and I was all alone. Who was going to comfort me? No one knows, no one knows."

Within a second Sam was engulfed in his arms, enveloped in his scent, the sound of his heart beating in her ear and she let her fears pour out through her eyes into a wet stain on his shirt. Jack pressed his lips to her forehead and gently rocked back and forth. "I'm here, Sam. I'm here and I'm alive. You brought me home." His strong hands massaged her back and it seemed as though he were trying to drink in as much of her as he could. Fingers tangled themselves in her hair as he buried his face in her neck.

Pent up aching pushed forward as she moved to meet his lips and she let herself relish the kiss. Their kisses were far and few between, stolen in secret, away from human eyes and yet she felt as though before this week she hadn't treasured each jewel she had been given. Jack's fingers continued to lace themselves in her hair and he ended the kiss by pulling her back into a hug, placing light kisses on her neck. He lifted his lips to her ear, "Do you want to…" and when Sam nodded he led her towards his bedroom. Eagerly, he laid her down and let his hands wander over her pale skin underneath her shirt. While his tongue explored her mouth, his finger traced her navel and her hip bone. Her hands grabbed the belt loops of his pants and urged him on top of her, encouraging him to put his weight on her. Her hands that had felt empty and had begged for her lover were finally satisfied as they ran down his back and over his chest. Sam felt a shiver go down her spine as he pressed against her and she felt how much he desired her. With a mind of their own, her hands continued lower on his body and he let out a gasp and a moan in response to their stroking touch. "Oh Sam," he whispered in her ear. She moved her fingers back up and ran them through his hair.

Jack pulled back and let himself study her eyes as a finger traced her lips. Her blue eyes were raw from the days of sequestered longing and they left him feeling lost. She was still hurting despite the success of the mission and as much as his body was screaming for him to continue, he knew she needed to speak. That was who she was. In the early days he tried to fix her problems, but he figured out soon enough that Sam Carter's brilliant mind worked in tandem with her eloquent lips.

Gingerly, and reluctantly, he lay down next to her and watched her as she continued to gaze at him, her cheeks still flushed with passion. "Carter, talk to me."

"No, let's just be together."

He let his hand cover her bare stomach. "No, you need to talk, I know you better than that."

"It's been painful, being here alone," she relented with a sigh, her eyes studying the ceiling.

"Did it make you regret this?"

"Not for a second." Sam intertwined her hand with his. "I thought how glad I was that if I lost you, at least I'd had you. Even if it has to be like this."

They laid in silence for what felt to Sam like a long time. Jack's breathing was steady, but she knew he hadn't fallen asleep by the way his thumb caressed hers. "When you were up there, what were you thinking about? What did you feel?"

Jack groaned and lay on his back. Talking was not his strong suit. Talking about emotions was like him trying to talk about wormhole physics. "You know how I am. I don't do this whole feeling thing so great."

"But you felt something."

He let a sigh escape his lips and float towards the ceiling. "Yes, I just don't know how to, you know, tell you about it."

"What did you think when you were up there?" She turned her head so her gaze faced his cheek.

"The _Simpsons_. Food. Earth. Regrets. You know, the stuff you think about before you go to that big pie in the sky. Well, I like to think of it as a pie. Preferably cherry." He smiled as Sam let out a small laugh.

"I can't believe you thought about the _Simpsons_. I told you I set up your DVR," she said.

"Yes, you did," he replied and turned his head to look at her. "And I was thinking about how sad it was that I wasn't going to get to watch it with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is that a good enough answer?"

Sam rolled over onto her stomach and planted a small kiss on his lips. "For now."

"Good, because I couldn't help but notice you brought me food. What do you say we dig in? Maybe watch that episode?"

Sitting up she turned to him. "You need me to access it don't you?"

Jack stretched. "Yup." Then he walked out of the room, with her behind.

They ate as much as they could pack in and Sam found herself leaning on Jack on his couch while he flipped channels. The episode had long since ended and now they were just enjoying each other's company. She felt herself get drowsy and she must have dozed off because the next thing she felt was Jack shaking her lightly and the television turned off.

"Sam, you need to wake up. Your dad's going to wonder where you are," he whispered. She sat up straight, rubbing her eyes. Damn, how could she have let herself fall asleep? Glancing at her watch she muttered another curse. 0021. Running her hand through her hair she let out a frustrated sigh. Sneaking around was not easy. Purse in hand she started towards the door, but felt Jack's hand grab her arm to stop her. He turned her around to face him.

"There was something else I was thinking while I was up there," he started. Jack shifted uncomfortably. "I thought about how I wish I could tell the whole world you're with me because you're beautiful. I thought about how much I was going to regret dying and never telling you that…" His voice trailed off and he took in a deep breath. "I love you."

Her mouth started to move, even though she had no idea what she was going to say, but he covered her lips with his. When he pulled back he said softly, "Don't say anything, it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow for team night."

Mutely she nodded and left his grip. He watched her get into her car and didn't go back in until she had driven off. Sam still felt her breath caught in her chest and goose bumps on her skin. Jack rarely opened up to her and she was okay with that. When he hurt, he preferred to make love and receive comfort through her touch. In fact, that was how he dealt with any painful situation now that he was with her. Sometimes there were words, once there had almost been tears, but generally he let his hands, his tongue, his lips, his body express to her how he was feeling. Sam generally was the one to speak and he listened, offering a hand or a kiss, but not advice. He often had no idea what to say and she had made peace early in the relationship with this aspect of him and it only deepened their bond.

Her hand trembled when she reached for the door knob to her front door and when she walked in, she felt a wave of relief that her father was no where in sight and the guest room door was closed. Quietly she headed to her kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. There had been no doubt that he loved her; he wasn't the type to get into an illegal relationship just to have a fling. Sam was certain she loved him, hell she had loved him within weeks of their relationship burgeoning. Hearing it said out loud, it just felt heavier, more concrete.

"Everything okay?" her father's voice broke the silence, startling her.

"Yeah," she answered. "I was just getting a drink of water."

"I know you work to keep your mind off of everything, but you should really try to protect your downtime as much as possible. You'll burn yourself out," Jacob advised, walking around and putting a hand on his daughter's shoulder.

Sam nodded. "I'm fine, Dad. Really."

"Sweetheart, I know how hard it was for you to see your two teammates in such a dire situation. If you want to talk about it…"

She felt the warmth of annoyance creep into her belly. Why couldn't he just take a hint and back off? Instead of snapping, she forced a smile on her face. "There's nothing wrong. I'm okay, I'm over it." Her words came out a little sharper and a little quicker than necessary, but if her father noticed, he didn't acknowledge it.

"Okay. I can respect that. I wanted to let you know that I'll take a cab to the base in the morning, so don't worry about taking me."

"It's not a problem…"

He held up a hand. "I don't want you going near work. I know you'll be tempted and I'm not going to let you waste anymore of your leave."

This time a genuine smile crossed her face. "All right. I love you."

"I love you too."

Taking her glass of water she retreated to the comfort of her own bedroom and away from the prying conversation of her father.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jacob left quietly the next morning, briefly stopping in his daughter's room to give her a kiss on the forehead. She looked peaceful in her sleep and he was loathe to wake her. The cab took him to Cheyenne Mountain where he checked in. In the locker room he changed back into his Tok'Ra outfit which had come to feel much more comfortable than his usual Tauri attire. He let out a small chuckle as he realized he had referred to Earth as the Tauri. Selmak was certainly an influence on his life and thought patterns.

His visit with Samantha had not been everything he had hoped. He and Selmak had noticed uneasiness in her demeanor which he at first chalked up to a very stressful situation, but even in the aftermath she seemed unwilling to be open with him. Granted, she was a grown woman and she had never been a particularly forthcoming person, but still, their relationship had morphed into something more over the last few years. Selmak felt that she was hiding something, but Jacob wasn't entirely convinced. His daughter was a combat officer now and was no doubt still trying to sort through the difficult emotions that came with it.

His fatherly concern drove him to arrive at the base a little earlier than expected so he could have a few minutes with George. George had watched his little girl change into a seasoned officer, so perhaps he would have some insight into her life that he was unable to get since he was often away for long periods of time.

The door was already open and Jacob paused while George finished giving Walter Harriman a few tasks. He slipped past the sergeant as Walter exited and closed the door behind him.

"Jacob, what can I do for you?"

He took a seat across from George and smiled. "Just thought I'd try to get a few minutes to catch up before I headed back into the field is all."

"I wish I had something exciting to report," George replied. He paused. "On second thought, no I don't. Who would have thought I would see the day when I thought sending teams on missions to other planets was routine!"

"I know what you mean! My life is something out of a science fiction novel and yet it seems perfectly normal." Jacob let out a chuckle. "I suppose Selmak has something to do with that though. All those years of memories… well it surprises me at moments what I know how to do just because Selmak did it a couple hundred years ago."

"From retirement to the stars," George said. "Now, as much as I enjoy reflecting, something tells me you have a few other things you want to discuss."

"You know the Tok'Ra council is considering an exchange program."

"Oh?"

"Selmak and I think it would be a great in fostering our relationship if we shared people, so to speak. Nothing's for sure yet, but I wanted to put the idea in your head in case they went for it."

George nodded. "I'll keep it in mind and see if I can't plant the seed in a few ears."

"Good, good," Jacob answered. He took a deep breath, uncertain of how to broach the next topic.

"Is there something else on your mind, Jake?"

"I'm worried about Sam," he said leaning forward in his chair. "I think she's overworking herself. Last night she was here until well past midnight."

"Here? Are you certain? Her lab was dark when I left at 2300," George responded. "Granted, we had trouble keeping her out of her lab in the beginning, but lately she's been very good about leaving and taking time off. I've been very pleased."

Jacob shifted, trying not to let his surprise show. "You know, all she said was that she was running some errands. I guess I just assumed she was coming up here."

"Have a little more faith in her," he said. "She knows how to follow orders."

"Thanks for the reassurance, George." Standing, he offered his hand which the other man gladly accepted and shook firmly. "I think my wormhole is about to leave, so I'd better get down there."

"Don't be a stranger. I know Samantha misses you a great deal."

As he made his way to the gate room, he heard Selmak point out the obvious lie that Sam had been caught in. He conceded to his symbiote that it seemed as though she was hiding something but there was little he could do about it. That was the hazard of living light-years away, stopping by occasionally with no regular form of communication. In some ways, he had grown closer to her than he had ever been, but in that moment he felt as though he were abandoning her. It wasn't like her to tell lies. Then again, Selmak pointed out, she's had a lot change her over the last few years. Jacob felt a small twinge in his heart. What had happened to cause his little girl to rebuild walls they had worked so hard to tear down?

The kawoosh of the wormhole broke his thoughts and without looking back, he headed home.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

TBC…


	3. Keep This to Ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: Some dialogue pulled directly from "Entity" (Season 4). Also, I have the entire story outlined from beginning to end – for a total of 11 chapters. These will lead into a sequel which connects to our universe. Just wanted you to know that I wasn't stringing you along for nothing ;)_

Sky blue eyes narrowed as they attempted to focus on the mass of wires and crystals in front of them. Samantha Carter carefully pushed aside a clear wire so that she could get a closer look at the power source of the quantum mirror. After the mirror had been acquired, she had been allowed to tinker with it a little, but ultimately it ended up with the rest of the scientists on base. That was the downside to being a member of the flagship team at the SGC. Control of the mirror wasn't given back to her until now, six months later, after the mirror-supporting yuppie at the Pentagon called General Hammond to ask how progress on the mirror was coming. When Hammond went to check on it, he found it in the corner of the lab being used as a coat rack. Already annoyed that he had been overridden, he was absolutely irate at the complete disregard for decorum when dealing with an alien artifact. Sam had arrived back from a recent off-world mission to find it taking up room in her lab and orders from the General to spend her lab hours focused on it. Secretly, Sam was pleased that some brown-nosing, bureaucratic, stiff-necked, stuffed-shirt son of a-

"Dammit!" Sam shouted, as she jumped back from the device she was studying. Instinctively she stuck her shocked finger in her mouth and continued her muffled curses. Preoccupied with her small injury and her latest project, she failed to notice the phone ringing until it was almost too late.

"Carter!" she practically shouted.

"Whoa, where's the fire?" Daniel's voice sounded slightly amused and if he had been in the room with her, he would have been on the receiving end of one of her scowls.

"Oh it's this quantum mirror General Hammond has me working on. I made the mistake of sticking my finger in an electrical current," she said, eyeing her injury to determine if it needed anything more than a Band-Aid.

"You should probably avoid doing that, it doesn't sound like a good idea," he answered, with a chuckle. "I was just calling to find out what time I should pick you up tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Sam's mind raced as she tried to remember what Daniel was talking about. She had made plans to spend the day with Jack as it was going to be the first Saturday in a month that SG-1 had nothing going on. Teal'c was headed off to see his son and Daniel… Then she remembered and her stomach started churning.

"We made plans three weeks ago. We were going to go on a picnic and hike, maybe go to a museum. It's been ages since you and me have spent some time together…" Daniel trailed off as he attempted to jog her memory.

Sam let out a groan. "I completely forgot! Something came up last minute, I'm so sorry. Look, I know we're off next Saturday, what if I make it up to you then?"

"I was really looking forward to tomorrow…"

"C'mon Daniel. Cut me some slack, it's been a busy few weeks," she answered. She hated canceling on him and she knew the right thing to do was to cancel with Jack, but after almost two months of not having been together, she was eager to see him. They had been trapped on the planet with the light, which had been pure torture as they were there with Daniel and didn't dare risk being caught. Then, since they had done virtually no work while overcoming the addictive device, General Hammond had put them back into rotation, so she went to the Academy to lecture while Jack babysat some scientists on a moon. Her body had been craving him for weeks and she needed the release.

"Yeah, okay. Next week," he relented, sounding more disappointed than usual. Sam felt a surge of annoyance but let it go. He just missed her and she had just canceled major plans, it was fair for him to be frustrated she supposed.

"I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later," he answered. The phone went silent and Sam replaced it, struggling with her conflicting emotions. With a sigh she pushed it out of her mind and refocused on the project in front of her.

After what felt like just a few minutes, her watch beeped and she glanced down to note the time. She muttered curse under her breath when she saw it was 2200. Grabbing her purse and her keys, she headed up to her car before fishing out her cell phone. One missed call and it was from Jack. The fact that he had only called once and hadn't tried to contact her via the base let her know he was just calling for personal reasons. His phone only rang once before Sam heard his voice.

"O'Neill."

"Hey it's me."

"You comin' over?" he asked. "It's late and I thought you might want to watch a movie with me."

A smile crossed her visage and she answered suggestively, "Is that all I would be doing?"

"Well, I suppose you could do my laundry, I'm all out of socks. I'm going to have to wear the same pair again tomorrow," he replied. Sam could hear the grin in his voice.

"That's gross."

"I'm a guy," he retorted. "I drink beer, ogle women, and wear dirty socks."

"Ogle women, huh?" Sam turned the key in the ignition. "You do a lot of that?"

"Only when I've got your six, Major."

"Good answer. I'll be there in an hour; I've got to run home first."

"I've got beer… and I'll order pizza."

"Perfect."

With her phone safely back in her purse, she made her way through the winding streets of Colorado Springs, humming to herself. Sam ran inside to change, partly because she was wearing mismatched, comfortable cotton underwear and she wanted to spice things up a bit. She ran a brush through her hair and checked her make up. Throwing her helmet on, she opted for her motorcycle and headed down her street. They had decided early on the bike would make it easy so that no one noticed she wasn't home and she could easily hide it at Jack's. It also helped, Jack had noted, that she looked hot riding it.

When she arrived, she took her motorcycle to the back of Jack's house where it wouldn't easily be spotted. She slid the back door open and was greeted with the scent of pizza.

"Hey! I'm here!" Sam hollered, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer. She flipped open the pizza box and was pleased to see he remembered the banana peppers on her half. Throwing a slice on a plate, she made her way to the living room. The TV was on and she heard a low rumbling coming from the couch. A giggle escaped her lips as she saw him leaning back, mouth open, and dead to the world. So much for getting any loving done, she thought to herself wryly. She kicked off her boots and sat on the floor. Gingerly she took the remote from his hand at which point he made a snorting noise and woke up as Sam started to change the channels.

"Hey I was watching that," he protested, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure _Dancing with the Stars_ was absolutely scintillating. Teal'c would be pleased to know he had a fellow fan," she retorted, taking a bite of her pizza. "You should have told me you were so tired, I wouldn't have come over."

"You mean you would have stayed on the base and kept playing with your magic mirror," he chided, sitting up. "You should be careful you know, Snow White's stepmother had one of those things and it didn't end well for her."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind, sir." Her slip went unnoticed, as it usually did. Jack would prefer her to slip up and call him "sir" in their private moments than to have her say "Jack" in front of their peers. His only request was that she make the effort to avoid the formal moniker in the bedroom and thus far she had been successful.

An involuntary yawn escaped from Jack. He let out a moan. "I'm sorry. It's not you, I promise."

"It's all right. Go to bed. I'll probably eat, watch something, and follow you. I'm beat myself," she said, rubbing his leg. "I'll let you make it up to me in the morning."

He sighed and let out a grunt as he stood up. Sam slid herself onto the couch and accepted his light kiss goodnight on the lips. While on one hand, she was disappointed in how the evening had gone, she had to admit that she was exhausted herself. After, finishing up her pizza and beer and only half watching a _Seinfeld_ rerun, she turned off the lights, got ready for bed, and crawled under the covers next to Jack.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A calloused hand stroked her stomach and she could feel warm lips making their way down her neck. Sunlight was streaming in the windows and Sam felt very well rested. Jack's mouth landed on a favorite spot on her collarbone as she rolled over to greet him.

"I think I owe you," he whispered with a smile. "I even brushed my teeth."

"Wow. Does this mean I have to go brush my teeth?" Sam wrinkled her nose. "I'm kind of comfortable." He nuzzled her neck with his nose and she giggled. "I take that as a no."

Gently he met her lips and she eagerly returned the kiss, letting her fingers weave themselves in his gray hair. Jack kissed down her neck to the top of her tank top and when he found the hindrance of the neckline, removed the top leaving her exposed to him. He growled in anticipation and she found herself just as ready for the main event as he was. Skin moved against skin, slow moans and breathy sighs escaped her lips, she felt sweat bead on her forehead as heat radiated between them. Finally, there were loud cries of ecstasy and afterwards they laid there, together, drinking in air.

"You know, Janet's noticed that I'm a lot more relaxed. I think she chalks it up to me actually taking my down time," Sam said, letting her fingers trace chest as she faced him.

"Yes, but she hadn't noticed a change in me," he answered, pretending to pout a little. "And I take all my down time."

"Jack, you're the calmest person I know. You show irreverence even in the face of impending doom," she replied, letting out a laugh. "Besides, I'm pretty sure me being calmer has less to do with the down time and more to do with what I'm doing during my down time."

"You mean my laundry?"

"Of course, what else could I possibly be talking about?"

"Just checking."

Jack leaned over to give her a kiss when they were interrupted by banging on his front door and then a repeated pressing of his doorbell. "What the hell?" he swore before jumping up and throwing on the pants he had discarded the night before. Sam rolled out of bed herself and started collecting various articles of clothing that had been tossed by the wayside during their morning in bed. Taking a shower was high on her list, as was brushing her teeth, and getting some breakfast. Her stomach felt like it was gnawing on her spine, so she opted for breakfast first. She grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of Jack's boxers and started to cautiously make her way towards the kitchen in case it wasn't just some annoying paperboy. When she heard voices, she pressed herself against the wall and froze.

"C'mon, Jack. I know you've gots beer," Daniel said, his words slurred. Sam very carefully walked to the edge of the hallway where she could peer around and made out Jack and Daniel standing in the living room.

"It's only 1100, how many beers have you packed away already?" Jack inquired, his face revealing serious concern and Sam felt her start pounding. Daniel was a cheap date; it wouldn't take much to put him over the edge.

"I don't know, two? Maybe it was five? I can't remember, I just remember looking in the fridge and seeing the box empty and thinking, how come I don't got more beer. Then," he paused and stuck his finger in the air as though he'd had a great idea. "I thought, I know where I can get more beer and I knows someone who would drink it with me."

"That's great, Daniel. Really, I'm flattered," the older man answered, trying to maneuver Daniel to the couch. "Did you drive here?"

"Don't you want to know who I thought of?"

"No, I want to know if you drove here."

"Sam. I thought of Sam but her phone wasn't on because she's too damn busy for me, so I took a cab here," he answered as he pulled himself away from Jack's grip and started to turn around. "You keep it in the fridge right?"

Sam quickly retreated to the bedroom and closed the door as fast as she could, which unfortunately caused it to make a noise. She heard Daniel ask Jack a question and Jack gave a muffled response before she started picking up her clothes and dressing. The shower and teeth would have to wait, as would breakfast. Leaning against the wall, she closed her eyes, what was Daniel doing already drunk on a Saturday morning? Sure, she had canceled plans, but that wouldn't have driven him to alcohol. He just would have been extra pouty come Monday. Still, she inwardly cringed as Daniel's words echoed in her ears. He thought she was too busy for him and Sam felt guilt pour over her. In her selfish haste, she had slighted her best friend.

She heard more muffled voices and she chewed on her bottom lip in thought. Escaping would be a problem. The front door was near the living room and the back door was through the kitchen. Either way risked too much of a chance of being caught. The windows seemed like a better idea, but she remembered he had screens screwed on. "Damn," she muttered.

The doorknob started to turn and she felt herself jump ten feet in the air, but breathed in a sigh of relief when she saw it was just Jack.

"You scared the crap out of me," she hissed. "What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know. I haven't been able to get him to walk in a straight line much less talk in one. He keeps wandering all over the place," Jack answered softly.

"Do you want me to stay, help out? This is my fault, I did cancel on him," she confessed, her blue eyes conveying her pain. While it seemed unlikely that her merely canceling the plans had caused Daniel's lack of control, he obviously had needed a friend that day.

Her lover shook his head. "No, let me take care of it. You go home, call me later."

"Are you sure? He looks like he could really use all the support he can get."

"Trust me. Let him keep some dignity by thinking I'm the only one witnessing his breakdown," he responded. Sam begrudgingly nodded.

"So that leaves us with our initial problem. I don't know if you've noticed, but your exits are blocked," she pointed out.

"I know, I know," he answered, his brows furrowed in thought. "The roof. There's a tree next to the deck, just grab a limb and shimmy down."

She stared at him like he had a second head growing out of his neck. "You want me to 'shimmy' down a tree?"

"What, you can't do it?"

"Of course I can do it. That's not the point," she answered. "What if your neighbors see?"

"Then I'll tell them you're my delusional cousin from out of town, but unless you want to hide in here all day with no food, I think that's your best option."

"Fine, but you owe me big time. I'm talking wining and dining with flowers," she said, wagging her finger at him.

He grinned and leaned in to her ear. "As long as you wear the aqua thong I like so much." Her cheeks went pink at the thought and he planted a quick kiss on her lips. "Now go and don't worry about Daniel. He'll be all right, he's a tough cookie." She nodded, but her expression told him she would be thinking about Daniel all weekend.

She scurried down the hall as fast as she could to the stairs that took her to the deck on the roof. Once up there she scanned around to see if there was anyone watching. As much fun as it would be to explain to people why Jack was kissing his cousin, Sam figured the safe bet was to not be seen at all. Satisfied that there was no one watching, she grabbed the top limb and carefully scooted to the trunk of the tree. Granted she had been a tomboy in her youth and she was definitely still in fit condition, but it had technically been a good long while since she had last had to climb a tree, up or down. "Jack so owes me," she muttered as she started down the tree. As she neared the bottom, Sam lost her grip and fell flat on her butt. Wincing in pain, she managed to stand up and give the tree a decidedly evil glare. "Oh yeah, I'm going to make him pay."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

By the time Jack made it back into the living room to deal with Daniel, his friend had already found another beer and was nursing it. As he walked by him on the couch, he plucked the bottle out of his hand and because of his slow reaction time it took Daniel a minute to realize what had happened.

"Hey! I was drinking that!"

"I don't think so," Jack answered. "I put some coffee on. We're going to sober you up."

"I don't wanna sober up," Daniel muttered, running his hand through his hair. "I just want to drink my damn beer until I pass out."

Jack put the beer on an end table away from Daniel's reach. "You want to tell me why that is? I thought I was the codgy old bastard who dealt with pain with alcohol. I'm not sure I'm ready for you to usurp that role."

The younger man leaned forward and buried his head in his hands. "I tried to call Sam. We were supposed to hang today, you know? We were gonna eat and see stuff. We were going to be friends on a friend date. Date friends. Picnic buddies if you will, but she canceled. She didn't answer cuz she has important things. So I called you. I knew you had plans. Oh man, your plans!" He groaned. "I'll go."

"Stay there, Daniel. I'm not letting you go home in this condition. You need someone to spend the day with, you got me," he answered. Daniel was a passionate man who sometimes tended to get a little overwhelmed by what he was feeling, but whatever he was feeling now, Jack was going to be there for him. "Now tell me what's going on."

"Today's her birthday."

"Who's birthday?"

" _Hers_. Sha're's," Daniel answered, looking at Jack forlornly. "Last year, we had team night so I was distracted, but this year…"

"You're alone," Jack finished. "Geez, why didn't you say something? You know we would have all been here. You know Sam wouldn't have cancelled on you."

"Oh poor pitiful Daniel Jackson," he spat in his drunken haze. "Disgraced archaeologist, mockery to all things academic, and lost his wife to the damn Goa'uld. I don't need anyone's sympathy, thank you very much."

"Apparently you do or else you would have just stayed home and stayed drunk on your own couch," Jack pointed out. "As it is, you're here."

"I told you I'd go. I'm drunk, what the hell do I know?" he started to stand but fell back against the couch. "I'll go as soon as the room stops spinning."

With a deep breath, Jack stood and eyed his friend carefully. "Why don't you just lie here while I get some coffee and a sandwich? You can stay here and just sleep it off."

"That sounds like a great idea, Jack-o." Daniel responded. "Lying here sounds like a great-tasticlur-amazing idea."

He made his way to the kitchen and washed out a mug for Daniel. On one level he was annoyed that he and Sam had been interrupted on what was supposed to be a nice slow morning together. On another level, however, he felt guilty that he hadn't even noticed his friend's pensive behavior the days before. Jack didn't blame himself for not remembering the date, he'd probably forget his own birthday if they hadn't stamped it on his dog tags, but he'd been so enamored with his second in command, he'd failed to notice Daniel's mood changes.

Personally, he'd had a lot of unease about his relationship with Sam. There had been a few moments where he'd wanted to confess everything to General Hammond and beg for retirement so that they could have an open and honest relationship. The only thing stopping him were the conversations he'd broached with General Hammond during his many time loops. In one, he told Hammond everything, and the man had been livid, talking reassignment and letters of reprimand. In another, he made allusions to feelings and wondering about leaving the military. Hammond had told him in no uncertain terms that his resignation would not be accepted and that he was expected to fulfill his duties for as long as necessary. That had clinched it for him. If Sam wanted to be with him now, he was willing because he sure as hell didn't want to wait until one of them died before they got their acts together. Besides, Jack needed her. The whole thing had started because she was in pain, but over time, he had found comfort and solace in her arms too.

But now Daniel needed them and Jack was going to make it up to him somehow. He poured the coffee into a mug and decided to wait on the sandwich in case his inebriated house guest decided to wretch.

"Hey Danny, I got-"but he stopped when he realized that Daniel had fallen asleep on the couch. Shrugging his shoulders in resignation, he sipped the hot liquid himself and decided it was for the best anyway.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam bit her lip and glowered at the mirror. Maybe she was going about this the wrong way. It was maddening because it seemed as though the mirror worked like magic, which she knew didn't truly exist, and yet because it seemed like magic, it made it all the more complicated. Tapping into alternate universes utilized a level of understanding of the space-time continuum that she did not possess. Yet. There was nothing she hated more than running into a problem she couldn't solve or a piece of technology she couldn't understand. Now she was chewing on her lip in consternation. With another sigh, she turned her attention to control device. She picked it up and turned it over in her hands.

Previously they had operated on the theory that it was like a radio tuner and Sam had yet to come up with a better one. Her personal opinion was that it would be best if she could actually operate the mirror with the device to see how it worked, but with General Hammond already peeved that he even had to have the mirror on his base, she hadn't found the courage to request something so risky. Running her fingers over a seam on the back, she carefully opened the back and stared at the wiring and crystals. There was a similarity in the way the wires were configured that matched the quantum mirror, but any high school student would notice that. The problem was figuring out what did what and what it all meant.

"Carter, have you figured out how to take us to alternate dimensions and beyond?"

She looked up at Jack and sighed. "No, but I do at least have several working theories as to where to begin, which is better than before."

There was a pause between them and Jack rapped his knuckle on her table. "Aren't you going to tell me about them?"

"What, and drive you crazy with technobabble?" Her blue eyes sparkled as she teased him and he rewarded her with a charming Jack O'Neill grin.

"Yes, well, you know how I love it when you drive me crazy," he retorted, upping the flirting ante. "All those big words and numbers are just so fascinating I can't help but be turned…" Sam's eyes widened and he stopped himself before saying anything further. It was rare that the banter went too far, but when it did, they both felt the pressure to back pedal. "So, Daniel came by this weekend."

"Oh," she answered, feigning ignorance.

"It seems that it was Sha're's birthday," Jack explained, pressing his palms to the table. "There's still a lot of pain there."

She gave him a guilty look. "I was supposed to have spent the day with him, but something came up and, well, you know how that goes."

"Yeah," he answered, his voice quieter than before. He was feeling a similar sense of guilt because he knew that she had lied in order to be with him. They had both lied and while it wasn't the first time, Daniel's pain caused the lie to weigh heavily on both of them.

"If I had known…"

"Don't worry about it, Carter. We spent the day together, I took care of it, but I have planned something for this Saturday. I've already talked to Teal'c. I just wanted to make sure I could count you in as well."

"Yes sir."

"Good, so now that that's settled, you want to give me an update on your latest project?"

Sam's eyes now glittered with excitement; there was nothing she loved more than letting people in on her latest discovery. "I'm trying to devise a way to hack into the crystals in the remote control. I was having trouble figuring out why you would create a controller that was so imprecise when I thought, maybe there's a way to limit the range. I think that if you know what you're doing, you can set specific variables up so that you only access the universes you want."

"But you'd still have to fish through universes in order to find the one you wanted, right?" Jack asked, leaning forward. His brown eyes met hers and she felt her cheeks redden. He knew how much she loved it when he showed interest in her work.

"Maybe. I have no idea what kind of parameters you can set, if we can set parameters, and I still have no idea how it distinguishes one reality from another. Right now, I'm just guessing. Once I get a working interface, I'm hoping I can make sense of the data."

"Unfortunately, however, that will have to wait. We're due in the control room. We're sending a MALP to a planet that was discovered when my brain got fried by the Ancients." He stepped back, reasserting his command presence.

"Yes, sir," Sam replied, putting down the crystal she had been holding. Together they made their way to the control room. Teal'c had already procured himself a position in front of the monitor so that they could watch the probe's telemetry. Daniel glanced at them briefly, but avoided making any acknowledgements to them. No doubt he was still hurt by her canceling and embarrassed at the scene he had caused at Jack's.

General Hammond ordered the probe launched and the team tried to make sense of the images that appeared on the screen. Daniel commented that none of it looked familiar and all were taken aback when the probe began flying.

"We didn't install any sort of wings on these things did we," Jack asked.

"No, sir," replied Walter.

"I didn't think so. So why is it flying?"

"I do not think we are in control, O'Neill," Teal'c responded, raising his eyebrow.

The signal went black.

"What happened?" Hammond demanded. "Why did it stop transmitting?"

Sam had taken a seat at the computer and was running through several diagnostic screens. "We're still receiving a strong signal, sir."

Walter piped in. "Major, I've got something here…"

"There are high frequency oscillations being transmitted, sir," Sam analyzed. Jack watched her pound away on the keys and if he didn't know better, he would swear she was just doing it randomly. He always tried to follow what she was doing, but she moved just too damn fast.

"Maybe they're trying to communicate," Daniel offered, ever the diplomat.

"I recommend we disengage the Stargate and try to figure out these readings," Sam called out, completely ignoring Daniel's suggestion. General Hammond nodded, but before she could do anything, sparks began to fly out from the keyboard. "We've got an EM spike!"

"I can't shut down the gate! I can't get in through the override!" Walter yelled over the sound of popping and hissing. Jack didn't waste a second, and with Teal'c on his heels, the two men entered the gate room and accessed the emergency disconnect. Satisfied that power had been shut down, they returned to the control room which had an acrid, fried odor permeating throughout it. Jack scanned the room and his gaze fell immediately to Sam who was lying on the floor and appeared to be unconscious. He went to her side and pushed the hair out of her face.

"Carter," he said firmly. "Carter, wake up."

She stirred, slowly opening her eyes, which she blinked in pain when the lights flickered back on. "What the hell happened?"

"We don't know," he answered, helping her into a sitting position. "You look like you took quite a blow though."

"My head hurts and my arm feels like it's on fire," she responded, looking at her arm, but unable to get her eyes to focus. "I just need to lie down…"

"I don't think so, Major," he said, using his authority to try to keep her awake in case she had a concussion. He noticed Walter was still sitting his chair nursing only a burned hand. "Call a med team."

"Already done, sir."

Jack didn't move from Sam's side until Janet appeared with a few medics and a stretcher. When the petite doctor walked over to them, he carefully assisted in helping her stand and then lie down on the gurney.

"I… need to fix…" Sam muttered, still looking dazed. "Computers…"

"Take her to the infirmary and I'll be there shortly," Janet ordered before turning to the rest of them. "Now before you complain, I insist on examining all of you, so you can all just march on down right now."

"Doc, there's really no need, I mean, I'm fine. I have both eyebrows and all my skin," Jack protested.

"I don't want to hear it, Colonel," Janet responded, leveling her gaze at him before spinning on her heels and heading down the steps.

"She's like a Tasmanian devil. Cute, but with a vicious and deadly bite," Jack said.

"I heard that!" Janet's voice rang out loud and clear.

"D'oh!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The next twenty-four hours slipped in an out for Sam. She remembered nurses and Janet hovering around her, but she couldn't remember when she'd been hooked up to an IV and had absolutely no idea how long she'd been out, until told. Apparently she'd been knocked upside the head pretty hard. When she finally came around, she was greeted with the smiling face of Jack O'Neill, who was perched on the bed next to hers.

"I told the Doc you had the hardest head on the base," he said, smirking at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like someone landed a Goa'uld mothership on my brain," she muttered groggily. "How long?"

"A day. You've been in and out. Missed all the excitement too. Apparently that little surge was some electrical based life form. Siler had a hell of a time reformatting the computers."

Sam wiggled a little to help the blood flow through her body. "What?" Her voice betrayed her disbelief.

"Oh and it built a nest in the MALP room," Jack added.

"Did it communicate?"

"No. Jack killed it," Daniel jumped in, walking towards the bed. "I was all for talking to it, but Jack and Teal'c overrode me."

"We are _not_ having this discussion again, Daniel. I made a command decision, Teal'c agreed, General Hammond backed me up. It's over with," Jack growled, his brown eyes darkening with irritation.

Daniel looked like he was about to open his mouth again, but closed it quickly. He knew it was futile to argue and that Jack was right; it was over and done with. Nothing could be changed now which annoyed him to say the least. One of his favorite aspects of the job was being able to meet life forms that no one else had ever met before.

"How're you feeling, Sam?" he asked, putting his hand on hers, all hints of earlier hurts gone. Sam rewarded him with a weak smile.

"I could use some major pain killer, but I don't think I'm any worse for wear." She met Jack's eyes briefly and she could tell that he wanted to be the one touching her hand. In fact, if she knew Jack at all, he had probably sat right there for hours, all while maintaining a professional distance. His fingers loved to run down her cheek and through her hair, his lips loved to be near her ear where he could lay light kisses, and his body loved to be pressed up against hers as close as it could get. Sam suspected that it was not only the powerful attraction they shared that inspired his desire, but the fact that in dire moments, such as these, he was forbidden to do more than sit and watch, and allow his gaze to be the only thing that caressed her.

"Good, you're awake and lucid. Maybe finally I can convince your teammates to get out of my infirmary so I can get actual work done," Janet commented as she moved past Daniel.

"You've gotten plenty of work done!" Jack protested. "I've been on my best behavior."

Janet raised an eyebrow. "Let's see here, the batteries in my light died, three of my favorite pens are missing, and Nurse Mathers still has ringing in her ears from when you decided to shouted into her stethoscope when she didn't answer you right away."

"I asked her three times…"

The petite doctor held up a hand. "Go. Now. I don't care where, just not here."

Jack jumped off his perch and gave her a mock scowl before starting towards the door. Daniel followed close behind and the two walked down the corridor in silence. There wasn't any bad blood between them; it had been a simple, typical argument in which the two warriors beat him out. The part that bugged Daniel the most was that he was sure that if Sam had been with them, General Hammond would have sided with them.

"So I think Carter's getting out in a couple days…"

"That's what Nurse Mathers' said," Daniel agreed.

"I was thinking team night. Dinner, maybe a movie. Or bowling. Or the arcade."

"Sounds good to me."

"Good."

"Good."

"So…"

"Yeah, I should go do… something," Jack said, starting off in another direction.

"Me too. You know, artifacts and stuff."

"Right."

The two men parted ways. Daniel went back to his office, but Jack just made another loop and wound up back in the infirmary. Poking his head in, he glanced in either direction for Janet and satisfied she wasn't nearby, he snuck in and put himself back on the bed where he was before. Overall it made Sam grin and she tried to contain a laugh, but was unable to.

"Colonel O'Neill, if you don't vacate my infirmary now, I will be forced to give you a physical," Janet threatened, walking towards him with a clipboard.

"Way to rat me out, Carter. What have I told you about giggling?" he retorted, giving her a playful glare.

"Sorry, sir."

"Yes, well, see that it doesn't happen again," he mockingly commanded as Janet started pushing him towards the door.

"Out, Colonel." She gave Sam an exasperated smile. "I'll be back in a minute so we can see how you're doing."

Sam just nodded and made herself more comfortable. She was feeling better already.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Carter, you tricked me into watching _Gattaca_ and therefore, you have lost all movie-picking rights," Jack said, as the server placed another round of beers in front of him, Sam, and Daniel. Teal'c accepted his ginger ale with a courteous nod.

"I didn't trick you, sir," Sam retorted. "C'mon Daniel, back me up here."

"Technically, Jack, she was completely honest."

Jack took a drink of his beer and shifted in his seat. "No. I asked her what the movie was about, she said it had Uma Thurman in it."

"Is it my fault that you failed to press the issue once you found out she was in it?" Sam flashed him one of her patented grins, but he only gave her an evil eye. She absent mindedly rubbed the outside of the wrappings of her arm. Janet had said it was unlikely that there would be any scarring, but insisted on keeping it dressed for a little while longer.

"I would have to concur with Major Carter, O'Neill. You were most eager to view the film," Teal'c added.

"Thank you, Teal'c," Sam answered, patting him on the shoulder. "Three against one. I say I still have movie picking rights."

All Jack did was let out a grunt. "Whatever. What do you say we pick this conversation up at my place?"

His team agreed and after paying up their bill, they headed to Jack's home. Jack and Daniel had started to argue the finer points of action flicks with Sam as they entered through the front door, but soon quieted when Daniel was greeted with the sight of balloons, a cake, and a few gifts.

"What's this?" the archaeologist asked. "My birthday isn't for another couple months."

"It's not for your birthday, Daniel," Sam answered, taking his hand and pulling him towards the cake. "We thought that we would honor Sha're by celebrating her birthday with you."

"Wow… I… I don't know what to say," Daniel said, taking in the scene.

"I think 'cake' would be appropriate," Jack offered. "You know how I feel about cake."

"You guys didn't have to do this."

"Yes we did," Sam responded. She gave Daniel a sad expression. "I'm really sorry about last weekend. I didn't know and I wouldn't have skipped out on you…"

"I've already forgotten. Love covers a multitude of hurts," he responded, giving her an appreciative smile.

There was a picture of Sha're next to the cake and he let his finger trace the outline of her face. "I miss her." His voice cracked slightly at the confession.

Jack came up and put his arm on his shoulder. "I know."

Sam put her arm around Daniel's waist. "We're a team, no one should have to bear anything alone."

There was a pause before Teal'c came up and placed his hand on Daniel's other shoulder. "Indeed." And they stood in silence just a little while longer.

TBC…


	4. Pretty Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: While you may want to review "Ascension" (S. 5), my recommendation at this point is not to. You'll notice that my story diverges a great deal from the series here. This is an AU, so things that we assume to be true in our universe, are not true in this one. Stay with me, all will make sense as the overall story unfolds!_

_Her hair was golden against the sunlight and her eyes as blue as the clear sky. Her beauty was a quiet, humble one, not ostentatious like others. It had been centuries since he had last laid eyes on a woman, so it was of no surprise that she would take his breath away. He longed to touch her, to feel her, to connect to her intimately. In the brief encounter on the planet to which he had been exiled, he had seen her very essence, her courage, her strength, her compassion, her love. Her mind was extraordinary, limited only by her mortal form. The seconds he had touched her were like a sip of sweet wine that lingered long after the liquid had gone and left the imbiber desperate for more. She was his oasis in the desert and he loved her._

A chill traveled from the base of Sam's neck, down her spine, and to her toes as she opened the door to her house. She shuddered and took in a deep breath before stepping over the threshold. Her earlier trip through the gate had included a discovery of a device that was… well, they weren't sure what it was, but it was something big and it was a welcomed distraction from the quantum mirror that still sat in her lab. When they had first given it to her, she had been thrilled, but now she was starting to side with General Hammond. The technology was way beyond their understanding. The device on the other hand held promise and she knew she would be able to get it functioning soon enough, once Daniel completed his translations. Unfortunately she had received a nasty electrical shock which sent SG-1 back home early and Janet had mandated several days rest for her.

The days off wouldn't have been so bad if the rest of SG-1 was also off, but they weren't. So that left her, alone, to find something to occupy her time that fit the bill for "resting". The chill that had troubled her earlier was now in the back of her mind as she flopped on the couch and turned on the television. No doubt she was still suffering from the after effects of her earlier jolt.

"Why is there never anything good on?" she muttered, turning channels. Finally she gave up and picked up one of the magazines she hadn't had a chance to read in a while since she was generally off world. After a few articles, Sam glanced at the clock and let out a disappointed sigh. Part of her had expected Jack to make an appearance, but if he hadn't shown up yet, chances were he wasn't and judging by the hour he would no doubt be asleep so he could be up at o'dark early, which was typical fare for the officers of SG-1. Giving up on trying to entertain herself further, she surrendered to the hour and headed to her bedroom. She dressed herself in her pajamas and crawled under her covers and she felt the tingling sensation disappear as she drifted off to sleep. As she slumbered, she missed the movement in the dark and the low volume on her television that had mysteriously turned itself on.

Sam's eyes opened slowly the next morning to the first tendrils of dawn gently weaving their way through her window and across her bedspread. Lazily she stretched herself out and let out a small groan. Being with Jack had changed her a great deal. Once she was a workaholic who had no idea what to do with herself in her free time, but now she relished quiet, unstructured moments such as these where she could let herself breathe. She had also been a stickler for the rules once and choosing to break this major one made all the others seem a little less stifling. Fear had driven her to stand unyielding by principles designed by others, but now, in her own rebellious way, she was giving them the proverbial finger. And she liked it.

Thirty minutes passed before Sam pulled herself out of bed and into the shower. There were a few errands to run and she figured she would catch Cassie after school. Janet would be glad to have an evening to herself and Sam loved getting quality time in with the girl. After a cup of coffee and some toast, she went outside to grab the newspaper when she felt the tingling sensation return. Looking up she noticed a man with a goatee standing on the sidewalk in front of her gate.

"Hi," he said, standing motionless.

"Uh, hi," she responded awkwardly.

"How are you?" His speech was soft and methodical.

"I'm fine," she answered. Deciding to be polite she asked, "How are you?"

"I'm also fine. It's nice to meet you."

Now she was starting to feel a little more uneasy and she wondered if he suffered from some sort of mental disability. "You're not from around here?"

"No. This is where you live." He said it as a statement, not a question and Sam decided it was time to make an exit.

"I'm going back inside now." She turned quickly and headed back inside before the strange man could say another word. Behind the security of her own door, she peered out the window to see if he was still there, but no one remained, much to her relief. Shaking her head she went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Sticking it under the faucet she took a couple of deep breaths before taking a sip. That damned chill was back again. She sighed and turned around only to come face to face with the odd stranger from outside.

"How the hell did you get in here?" she shot at him, reaching towards the counter and grabbing the phone.

"Don't be frightened." He held a hand up and gave her a smile. "I just want to talk to you."

Sam started to punch in numbers, only half listening. "What could I possibly have to talk about with you?"

"It's rather complicated…"

"Well, how about you start with my initial question. How the hell did you get in here?" Sam forgot about her dialing for the moment and glared at him. Her training in hand to hand combat caused her to instinctively choose a defensive position.

"I followed you home last night. I watched your television so I could learn how to make myself accessible to you. I hope this is acceptable attire," he said motioning to his clothes.

Sam steeled herself. "You've… you've been here all night?"

"This is what I looked like before my ascension. Last night I was invisible so you couldn't see me. Please, I'm not insane. I followed you through the Stargate-"

"That's impossible. Who are you?"

"My name is Orlin and I lived on the planet you just visited. I took my non-corporeal form to follow you because, well, I have these feelings…"

Somewhere in his confession, he stopped paying attention to her and she slipped by him running as fast as she could out of the house and towards her car. Not normally one given to panic attacks, Sam felt herself shaking as she tried to put the key in the ignition and forced herself to deep breathe all the way to the SGC.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Jack had pulled Sam off to her bedroom for a second to give them a few moments of privacy as he tried to make sense of what she was saying. She had burst into General Hammond's office in a state of clear agitation which unnerved him a little. Within seconds she had started off about aliens in her house and following her through the Stargate. Since she was normally incredibly level headed, Hammond had ordered a sweep done of her home and surveillance equipment installed.

"How are you doing?" he asked, his hand lightly touching her arm. He didn't dare show anymore physical contact than that though the intensity of his brown eyes spoke volumes.

"Nervous. Anxious. Disoriented. That guy was incredibly creepy, sir." Her blue eyes conveyed her emotions clearly and Jack wished there weren't surveillance crews installing cameras otherwise he would offer to stay the night with her.

"You said he looked like a regular guy wearing street clothes, right?"

"Yeah and that he followed me through the Stargate."

"We checked the tapes, nothing came back with us," he responded, his eyes revealing his concern. "I know Janet said there didn't seem to be anything residual from the incident on 636…"

"You think the electric shock scrambled my brains, sir?" Sam seemed a little miffed at the suggestion, though plausible. Still, she was certain of what had transpired that morning.

"The surveillance is set up, we'll see what happens," Jack said, holding up his hands in surrender. "No judgments yet."

"Thanks, sir."

"Do you want me to stay for a bit?"

Reluctantly she shook her head. "He only seems to appear when it's just me." He nodded and the two made their way back out into the living room. Had there been no cameras, he would have pecked her on the cheek as they were the only two left in the house. Instead he gave her a pat on the back and exited, leaving her feeling very alone.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Three days later, nothing had happened. No aliens had appeared, no lightening bolts had mysteriously shocked her, and even the weatherman had been surprisingly accurate on the weather. Yet the feeling of being watched remained which Sam shrugged off because she was obviously being watched by the half a dozen cameras installed in her house. Now she sat in the infirmary as Janet looked over her chart again.

"I'm telling you guys, he was there, he must have known we were trying to catch him," Sam insisted, her fingers pressed into the bed she was sitting on. "I know what I saw."

"Sam, it's not that we don't believe you, but after the shock you received on 636…" Daniel started.

"What he's trying to say is that we believe but we don't," Jack jumped in, causing Daniel to give him a withering glance and causing Teal'c to raise an eyebrow. "Carter, I have no doubt you sincerely believe you saw what you did, but the question is whether it was real."

Sam eyed him momentarily and sighed in resignation. "I suppose you're right."

"But here's something that'll cheer you right up. Daniel has determined that the device we found is a big, honkin' space gun. Once you're up and running again, we can figure it out and start playing some serious Space Invaders."

"O'Neill, in that game, are you not being invaded by numerous alien ships while they drop bombs, decimating your city?"

Jack cleared his throat, "Well, yeah, but that's not the point. The point is that we'll have a space gun!"

"But if the gun was so powerful, why were they destroyed by the Goa'uld," Sam asked, her earlier doubts about her sanity now pushed to the wayside.

"That's the thing, they weren't destroyed by the Goa'uld. The writings on the wall indicate that the weapon was in fact successful. The builders were hailed as heroes and life continued. The thing is the weapon is far more advanced than what their technology would indicate at the time of their demise."

"What are you indicating, Daniel Jackson?"

"That we have no idea what destroyed them."

Sam felt a knot form in her gut and she rubbed her arms as a chill ran through her… again. They were happening so frequently that she was starting to believe that maybe the jolt had seriously comprised her mental abilities.

Janet, who had been standing quietly nearby, stepped forward. "I'm going to prescribe another week off and then we'll run some more tests. Everything came back clean again so I can't find a reason to keep you here."

"We've got a briefing with Hammond about the weapon, so we'll catch you later," Jack added, giving her a sympathetic look. Sam wished she could ask him if he would be stopping by later to see her to keep her company, but beyond the momentary glance between them, there was nothing she could do. Her teammates left and Janet gave her a reassuring squeeze on her arm before letting her leave. She felt melancholy as she drove to her house and felt downright depressed by the time she walked in the front door of her now camera-free home. Feeling frustrated, angry, and lacking confidence in her own mental health, Sam sunk down on her sofa and put her head in her hands.

"Maybe I am going crazy," she muttered, her eyes closed.

"I thought many times I was losing my mind back on Velona," came the voice of the mysterious and elusive alien. Sam shot up and glared at Orlin who stood before her, dressed in the same manner as before. "Velona is the planet you refer to as 636."

"Great, now the figment of my imagination is sympathizing with me," she spat, standing up and moving to the kitchen. Maybe a beer would help her; hell, she probably needed at least three shots of tequila before she'd feel better.

"I promise you, I am not a figment of your imagination. I merely hid myself from your people and I will do so again if you attempt to contact them," Orlin said calmly, taking the beer from her hands. He was standing uncomfortably close, but Sam felt oddly at peace with the situation. "I apologize for what happened on Velona. My people have a way of communicating without words that shares our innermost essence - our soul, I believe is what you would call it."

She furrowed her brow. "You were trying to do this back on the planet?"

"Yes, but I don't think you were prepared. Still, in the moment we were joined, I learned a great deal about you, Samantha." His blue eyes peered into hers as though they were admiring a beautiful work of art. "You are very beautiful, not only on the outside, but inside as well. You have a great spirit."

"Riiiight," Sam responded, backing away. The creepy feeling had returned and she started towards her phone. "Why don't I just call my superiors and we'll let them know about everything."

Orlin shook his head. "I think you can handle this, I think you just need to be ready."

She studied him for a second trying to determine if he was genuine in his request. There was nothing about him that seemed to be deceitful and she found herself strangely calm, despite the creepy factor. "If I do this, will you come with me to the SGC? Prove to them I'm not crazy?"

"No. But I'll leave if you want."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Okay, what do I need to do?" she asked, trying to silence the unnerving feeling rolling around in her gut.

"Just stand there and let your mind open up to the possibility of a universe not governed by rules. Close your eyes and relax."

She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. The tingling sensation started in her toes and worked its way up her legs, past her thighs, into her groin and stomach. From there it traveled the length of her spine and engulfed her very being. There was a pleasure she could barely describe that permeated the core of her body. Emotions not her own washed over her, desire, love, pain, desperation, loneliness. The loneliness was the heaviest, like a block of lead tied to her heart that kept sinking further and further down. The desire and love ignited her skin in a way that reminded her of the passionate, erotic nights she had spent with Jack, except that these flames burned hotter than she could have imagined. Orlin was kind and gentle, innocent, and concerned. He struggled with the laws placed on him by his people and he had paid a dear price for them; she could feel the gaping hole his sacrifice had caused. Light surrounded her and just as she thought she couldn't handle another second, she felt a release that caused her whole body to shudder.

"Oh…" she whispered before collapsing to the ground. The last thing she remembered as she slipped into unconsciousness was Orlin's voice speaking and a warm sensation between her legs.

"I have given you a gift, Samantha, for when the time is right."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Daniel sat next to Dr. Lee at the briefing that General Hammond had called early that morning. He was tapping his pen nervously on the table in front of him, concerned because it was Dr. Lee in front of them and not Sam. Ever since her claim that a mysterious alien named Orlin had come to visit her, she had been off base supposedly recuperating. It had been two days since their meeting in the infirmary and Daniel was concerned for her welfare, not to mention worried that their superiors might already be entertaining the possibility that they would have to replace her.

"Thank you, gentlemen. I've called you here today because it is the Pentagon's belief that the weapon on 636 is still viable based on translations from Dr. Jackson. Dr. Lee and several other scientists have spent the last few days studying the artifact and he is here to give us his preliminary report. Dr. Lee?"

The older scientists shuffled a few papers before clearing his throat. "It is our understanding that the weapon is still pretty much operational. All it lacks is a power source which with a little tweak here or there, we could interface a naquadah generator. In fact, we already have one ready to go; we're just working on simulations at this point."

"Is that really safe?" Daniel inquired, leaning forward.

Dr. Lee waffled for a moment. "When dealing with the kind of energy output we'd be creating, there's going to be some risk involved, but there are precautions we can take."

"Bottom line it for me, Doctor," Hammond interrupted.

"When we set up the generator, you'd better be sure you want the weapon to fire because otherwise you're going to end up with a naquadah explosion right there, destroying personnel and taking the weapon with it."

"I see," Hammond seemed to pause in thought. "I want your team to work on simulations. I know the Pentagon would like to see tests done soon and I think a week should be sufficient for whatever preparations you need done."

"The weapon is most formidable. Is it wise to be hasty?" Teal'c said, looking at both General Hammond and Dr. Lee.

"I think we're being far from hasty, Teal'c. We'll take all necessary precautions and I'm sure we'll be fine," Jack retorted. Daniel cocked his head a little, wondering if it was him or if Jack seemed a little testy.

"My order stands. Dismissed."

Dr. Lee exited, but the remaining members of SG-1 stayed behind.

"Jack are you okay?" the younger man asked, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"Peachy."

"You seemed a little quiet during the meeting…"

"Look, one of my best officers isn't here to give me her opinion. It just makes me a little irritated because it means I have a lot of other eggheads wanting my attention. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some memos to read," he replied curtly, heading down the stairs and away from his friends.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam balanced the bag of groceries while unlocking her front door and jumped ten feet in the air when greeted by Orlin, standing in her hallway.

"I've been waiting for several hours."

"I thought you said you'd leave me alone," she said, moving past him into her kitchen. Although her voice was hard, internally she found herself almost relieved that he was still here. She told herself it was because she still had questions, but part of her wondered if it wasn't a result of the melding they had experienced two nights before. Sam's cheeks felt hot at the memory of the experience which had stolen her breath in more ways than one. That she could feel so many sensations and have such emotions erupt within her core being was exquisite to say the least.

"I wanted to see if there could be something between us. If not, then I can accept that, but I have to know," he answered, his voice tender. He reached out for her arm and she didn't pull away.

She sighed. "The thing is Orlin…" and she trailed off. Daniel and Teal'c had no idea that she was involved with anyone and Sam felt uneasy even disclosing she was with anyone period. Besides, she reasoned, she needed more information, what could it hurt to play along for a little bit? "You know what, I'm starving, so why don't I fix us some dinner?"

"It's already done. I've taken corporeal form so that I can interact with your world and I discovered my need for nourishment as well."

"You mean you're no longer ascended?"

"That is correct."

"Why would you do that?" she scolded, groceries forgotten.

"I told you…"

I know, I know. It's just… Orlin, what I do is dangerous and I just don't have time for a relationship."

"Perhaps, but living is dangerous no matter the circumstances. I know you felt something for me the other night, but I won't push you. I just want a chance."

Sam let a small smile cross her face. "Let's try friendship, first. Okay? We can at least be friends, right?"

"I would like that very much."

"So tell me about yourself. You said you'd been living on Velona for a long time," she responded. "Were you there when everything was destroyed?"

"I would be glad to tell you all about myself, but let's not speak of Velona right now. I have a meal prepared…" He took her hand in his and she allowed herself to be led where a table with candle was spread. The smell of pasta and sauce and freshly baked bread tickled her nose and she smiled at the thoughtful gesture. Still, he had dodged her question, and she wasn't sure if directly asking would work again. Before she had a chance to bring up another topic, Orlin spoke again. "Tell me, what projects are you working on?"

"As you know, everything I do is classified," she answered. "I work on various alien artifacts, figuring out how they work. Much like what I was doing with the device back on Velona." Sam's thoughts went to the quantum mirror still standing in her lab. She had created an interface for the remote, but the raw data meant very little to her. "Tell me, Orlin, are your people technologically advanced?"

"We were once, but we no longer require it as we have eschewed the need for physical form. The understanding, however, remains."

"I have a device in my lab, we call it a quantum mirror, and it allows us travel from one reality to another, are you familiar with such a device?" she asked, taking a risk. .

Orlin nodded, breaking a piece of bread. "I am. Although we did not create the device, I am aware of how it functions."

Her blue eyes lit up in excitement. After months of working, she had hit so many walls she was ready to kick the damn mirror down the first flight of stairs she could find. "I've been operating under the theory that the remote works like one of our radios, allowing us to access many different frequencies. Now I suspect that there's a way to program the device with specific variables to look for, but my interface only gives me gibberish."

"Your analogy, though crude, is perhaps the most accurate. Indeed, every reality emits its own frequency and if you know what you're looking for, you can define parameters. The truth is, while it seems as though there are infinite realities, truly it is a finite number. Think of it this way, Samantha - you are faced with a decision to murder an innocent person or have your life taken instead. Because of who you are now, there is no reality in this frequency in which you actually take the life of the innocent person. However, say in your childhood there was some event that alters your personality. Perhaps, there is a you who could murder an innocent person, but that reality is on an extremely different frequency because the divergence occurred much earlier in your life."

"So how do you know the frequency? How do you program variables into the device?"

"This is where the analogy becomes complicated because it's not a single frequency. It's more like a musical composition and every reality has its own song with all the complexities and nuances. To understand how the mirror works, you must understand how the composition is put together."

Sam twirled some pasta on her plate and sighed in frustration. "That doesn't tell me how to access the information."

Orlin frowned and appeared to be searching his mind for something. "Every life, every event, has its own unique sound, for lack of a better word. What you must do is figure out how to interface with the device so that you are able to see or hear the different 'tones'. There are limitations to what the mirror can do and translate. The number of 'tones' in a given reality is much too large for any created object to touch, so the mirror naturally picks up on the tones closest to it and the strongest threads. Unfortunately, because of your limitation in science, much of what you learn will have to be trial and error."

"I was afraid of that."

A knock on the door startled her and she excused herself to find on her front door step Teal'c and Jack with a pizza. A wave of nausea swept over her as she was confronted with her lover while entertaining another suitor. While she assured herself that she had done nothing to betray him, part of her desperately wanted to make sure that Orlin remained safe and unknown, especially from Jack.

"Carter, we thought you might like some company," he said. "And you know how Teal'c loves _Star Wars_."

Her face displayed her reluctance and she kept the door only slightly ajar. "Actually, sir, I'm kind of busy at the moment."

"Hot date?"

"Kind of."

Jack was wearing sunglasses so his reaction was virtually imperceptible which gave Sam a sinking feeling. He wasn't the fly off the handle, jealous type, but he was suspicious and that didn't bode well for her or Orlin. "I see, well, another time perhaps. Oh, I just wanted to let you know that they'll be doing a test of that weapon next week. Hammond said you could come along if you're cleared for duty."

"Thank you, sir," she replied hastily and shut the door before he could respond. She returned to Orlin and sat back down.

"Who was that?"

"No one."

"You are agitated," he observed, reaching over and covering her hand. "Is my presence causing you distress?"

"No, no, Orlin. It's just people from work. I want you to be safe," she said, giving him a weak smile. Part of her felt as though she had LIAR stamped on her forehead for everyone to see. "Let's just enjoy our meal, okay?" Her companion nodded in agreement and they completed their meal in silence.

The next two days went by quickly for Sam. Janet had called her in for some more evaluations, but had found nothing, so Sam decided to work off energy by running errands and going to the gym. Orlin remained at her house and they spent time talking about Earth culture and Earth history. He was reserved when he spoke of his own people, but Sam felt he was starting to trust her and truthfully, she found herself trusting him. Taking the risk, she decided to broach the topic of Velona once more during a walk.

"I know you didn't want to talk about it, but I thought it was fair for me to tell you that they're preparing to test the weapon next week."

A breeze blew his hair slightly out of place and his gaze was directed at children playing on a swing. "I know."

"Is there anything we should be aware of?" she prodded.

"The others will stop them, just as they stopped the Velonans."

Sam grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Are you telling me that the destruction of Velona was a result of your people?"

"Partly. The Goa'uld were coming and…" his voice trailed off. "I couldn't stand by and watch them be enslaved, so I broke the first and most important rule; I interfered. I taught them to build the weapon and at first it looked like I had done a good thing, but I was wrong. Very wrong."

"Your people left you there as punishment, didn't they?" Her voice was sympathetic and her grip on his arm was gentler in response. "Orlin, I'm so sorry."

"I thought the weapon was destroyed, but you are much more ingenious that I had given you credit for."

"Only the power source was removed. We have ways of compensating for that," Sam told him regretfully. "I'll talk to my people tomorrow."

"Do you think they'll believe you?"

"Probably not," she answered with a sigh. "What if you came with me?"

"I cannot. I know you trust them, but after what happened on Velona, I cannot risk it. They would want my knowledge for purposes that I do not condone."

"I wouldn't let them hurt you," she said, her determination showing through her eyes which glinted like steel. A smile played at the edges of Orlin's lips.

"You like me."

She rolled her eyes and started walking and he followed suit, a full blown smile now graced his visage. "You really like me."

"Maybe," she conceded. "A little."

"A lot."

"A lot," she said, mirroring his grin.

"I knew you would." This time he grabbed her arm and pulled her into his lips. The kiss was far from passionate, but it was sweet and after a moment they parted. Her cheeks were bright red and she felt incredibly embarrassed.

"Orlin, I don't… I mean…"

"I'm sorry, Samantha. I was caught up in the moment."

She nodded and put a little more space between them. "You're forgiven."

They continued their walk without another incident, but Sam found her mind crowded with both thoughts of what had occurred with Orlin and with the dilemma of how she was going to convince General Hammond not to fire the weapon. Carrying on a clandestine relationship with her superior officer was enough complication in her life as it was; hiding a descended alien from a race of technologically advanced people added a whole other layer. The fact that said alien was romantically inclined towards her and that she felt some sort of attraction made her wish she had a nice long vacation coming up. Preferably somewhere warm and sunny, like Cancun.

She slept fitfully that night and the next morning she found that she had a renewed sense of urgency. Sam drove to the SGC with the intention of confronting Hammond face to face. Ignoring most everyone in the hallways, she marched directly to General Hammond's office.

"Sorry to barge in sir, but I really think we should postpone our testing."

"Excuse me?" The voice belonged to an individual Sam had not noticed before and she turned around to find herself face to face with a tall man in a suit who reminded her of a man that had tried to pick her up at a bar once. "I'm Colonel Simmons and I'm here on behalf of the Pentagon to observe the test which will go on as scheduled."

Sam leveled her eyes and stood her ground. "I have reason to believe that it's too dangerous. Look, we just don't know what kind of the effect the weapon will have on the environment. It could potentially lead to disaster," she argued, having forgotten that she had originally come to see General Hammond, who now stood up and addressed her.

"Do you have any evidence of this claim, Major?" His familiar drawl snapped her out of her urgency.

"No, not yet, sir."

"Then I'm sorry, but the test will go on. In fact we have a team there now, preparing to do just that," he responded.

"I thought the test wasn't for another few days!"

"I decided that we had all that we needed and requested that we do the testing today," Simmons responded, looking smug while Hammond's face darkened in annoyance. "So they shipped out just over an hour ago."

"Is that wise, sir?" Sam said, incredulous at what she had just heard.

"The decision was made and it is out of my hands. I made the best case I could for waiting until the original deadline, but the President is very eager to see the results," Hammond explained, his gaze never leaving Simmons. After a pregnant pause, he turned to Sam. "Unfortunately, the Colonel has also brought something rather worrisome to my attention." The General's voice betrayed his disgust at the man, but it also revealed a sense of resignation.

Colonel Simmons pulled out a manila envelope with a few pictures, a digital voice recorder, and a stack of papers. The pictures showed her eating and walking with Orlin, but the one that grabbed her attention and caused her muscles to tense was the one that showed a kiss from the night before. It was a chaste kiss, but the photo left it open for interpretation. Her eyes scanned the papers and she was puzzled at the unusual items that had been purchased with her credit card. They were industrial items that she was sure she had never signed for.

"You've been spying on me?"

Hammond stepped forward. "It was for your own protection and the order came from the Pentagon. I had no choice. There was some concern that if there was an alien, perhaps it was aware of our attempts to catch it."

"As it is, thanks to you, Major, we have all the information we need. I have a team on route to apprehend the alien and take him into custody. I'm just about to head over there now, you're welcome to accompany us if you'd like."

Sam remained quiet for a moment, feeling as though she had been slapped in the face. She had worked hard throughout her years to gain the trust of her superiors and now she was being faced with the fact that they had spied on her.

"Does..." She was about to ask if Jack knew, but amended her statement. "Does SG-1 know?"

"Colonel O'Neill was aware that we were monitoring you and he's already at your residence with the rest of SG-1 who has just been filled in on the situation," her superior responded, his voice expressing his regret. His regret meant little to her at this point, though, because she felt like a damned fool.

"I would be glad to assist you," she said, her voice icy, her blue eyes staring cold and hard at Colonel Simmons. The Colonel didn't seem to mind, however.

"No worries, Major. We don't plan on pressing any charges since we know you did get valuable information on the quantum mirror and we value your work on it. Sometimes you have to bend the rules a little to get what you need," he responded, patting her on the back and heading out the door. Sam stood still for a second and if looks could kill, hers would have torn him limb from limb.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jack tried to catch Sam's eyes as she walked up, but she purposefully kept her face forward and he knew she was pissed. The initial guilt and pain that cut through his heart at having lied to her was quickly shuffled off to the side. This was work, this is what they did, and she would have to accept that. The situation had been one of those unfortunate times when their work life interfered with their personal life. A command decision had come down from the higher ups and he had a duty to carry them out, regardless of the consequences. Later, after everyone was gone, he would make it up to her, help her figure it out. Jack let out an annoyed sigh; they had been standing outside for a long time now, trying to convince the alien to come out.

"Let me go in," Sam spoke up. Simmons was about to protest when Jack butt in.

"It makes sense. He trusts her. She could get him to come out without a shot being fired and it would probably save her front door from being kicked in and costing the military money in repairs."

Their eyes met and he saw that she was grateful for the support, if not still hurt from the deception. Simmons looked defeated on this point and nodded, handing her a walkie. Carefully, Sam made her way into her home which was pitch black.

"Orlin!" Silence answered her. "Orlin! It's me, Sam!" A noise from her basement startled her and she headed down the steps to find Orlin in front of the fuse box.

"Orlin, my people are here to take you into custody."

"I know."

"I didn't tell them."

"I know that too." He continued to fiddle with the fuse box until sparks flew and Sam heard a familiar noise. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the next room where she was greeted by the sight of a wormhole.

"You built a Stargate?"

"Only a miniature one. It will only go to one place," he responded. He turned to her and gently caressed her chin. "I have to stop them." He paused and then got a strange look on his face. "You're going to need a new toaster, by the way." Then he headed towards the rippling event horizon.

"Wait!" she shouted as he jumped through. Suddenly she heard her front door bust open and without a single moment's hesitation, she jumped through after him. The ring fizzled out and the wormhole disappeared, and they were gone.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A breeze rustled the trees and Sam felt a tear slide down her face. She was sitting in her backyard, looking up at the sky, wondering where Orlin was. He had saved them and he had left her behind. The connection they had shared still weighed on her and left her feeling as though something was missing. To have been that close with another living soul had been profound and it felt heavy, as though her life were a river and Orlin had diverted its path. She lifted a finger to wipe the tear away, but the sting of unshed tears remained. The sound of the door opening made her turn and she was greeted by the face of Jack O'Neill, who took a seat next to her on the concrete porch. They sat in silence for a while, simply enjoying the afternoon.

"You lied to me," Sam said, breaking the serenity of the moment.

"No, I just didn't tell you what was going on," Jack defended, his voice steady. "I couldn't tell you."

She took in a breath. "I know."

"I saw the pictures." Both of their gazes remained forward.

"It's not what you think."

"I know."

"He meant something to me. It was brief, but we connected and it's made me question some things," she explained slowly, her eyes dropping to the grass.

"Did you love him?"

"No. I cared for him though, strange as that may sound. I don't think I could love someone so quickly."

Jack's brown eyes watched her and there was a stifling weight in the air between them. Finally he spoke. "You want to tell me what you're thinking?"

"I need some time," she responded, meeting his glance. "Apart."

He started to say something, but shut his mouth. "Okay."

"No argument?" Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "No complaint?"

"I've let you define the parameters of this relationship, Carter. I'm not going to fight you, you're a grown woman. If you need time, then I'll give you time. You need space, I'll give you the whole damn universe. It's not easy, but I offered to walk away when we first started if it made it better for you. I don't want to, but my offer's still good." Jack's brown eyes were fixed on her blue ones and she blinked back tears as she felt his sorrow melt into her.

"It's not forever. I just need to think."

He nodded and stood up. "I love you, Sam." The kiss he placed on her lips made her heart stop even though it was light and chaste. Part of her wanted to scream for him to stay when she heard the door open, but Sam knew she needed to let him go. It's just for a little while, she told herself, but somehow she wasn't entirely convinced. Another breeze glided over her skin and she let her tears fall for all that she had lost.

TBC...


	5. Maturity

Her body was tense and writhed in fear as her nightmare reached its climax. Sam's voice was whispered and hoarse as she called out against images of a syringe and two cold, calculating scientists descending closer and closer. Hot breath, hands stronger than she was, voices that lacked sympathy or humanity, the echo of heavy footsteps, and the feel of leather straps chafing against pale skin. There was desperation in her movements because her very life depended on her ability to escape, but she found there was no escape. The silver point inched closer and she could swear she felt the tip prick her delicate skin, then a loud gunshot bounced from wall to wall and the deadly toxin clattered to the floor. Jack's face was hard, his face set like flint as he held out the handgun. One shot had gone clean through the doctor's head and his lifeless eyes were staring up, glassy and unseeing. "Jack," she whispered, not giving a damn about proper protocol. He didn't look at her though; his eyes were fixed on the bastard lying on the floor, bleeding out. Her heart leapt to her mouth as he fired again and again and again, emptying his gun into the gut of the already deceased man. It was Maybourne who stopped him and the other doctor was now cowering in the corner, fearing his own fate. Jack probably would have shot him as well, but Maybourne said something to him. Sam's ears were still ringing and the sight of blood oozing onto the cold tile made her stomach turn. Again she ventured the name of her erstwhile lover, but when he turned he had no eyes, only a blackness that was like the dead of space and he raise the gun and she felt the bullet pierce her heart as she faded into the night.

The methodical whir of the fan in her room was all she was aware of as Sam's eyes opened to her darkened room. The sensations of her nightmare made her feel unusually exhausted and so she continued to lay there, her face pressed against the bed, her pillows having been discarded to the floor. Her clock read 0411 and she let out a groan. Ever since she had been taken by Adrian Conrad, nightmares had plagued her. The dream generally captured the rescue accurately with the exception of the sick twist at the end. Sam had pushed a lot of the final moments out of her mind, but she was still haunted by how deadly Jack had been.

Knowing she wouldn't fall back to sleep, she got up and showered. Her alarm would have gone off in an hour anyway, so she could use the extra time to wash away the frustrations of her recurring dream. Since Orlin she hadn't seen Jack outside of work except for team night, but the glances and touches had remained until the nightmares had started. Now Sam found herself avoiding him as best she could, afraid to look into his eyes and see the hatred and violence that she had witnessed first hand.

As she pulled on her uniform, she paused and looked at herself in the mirror. Although it had been over nine months since she saw Orlin, Sam found her mind drifting to him at the oddest times. Part of her had been sure that she would find herself pregnant after their encounter, but nothing pregnancy related happened which had left her puzzled by the alien's vague words that he was giving her a gift for when the time was right. The only gift she could think of was that he had made her realize how overly dependent she had become on her lover. Walking away from Jack had been difficult, but Sam felt like she was starting to find herself again; then she had been kidnapped and held hostage. Whatever vestiges of self-confidence she'd had vanished like a vapor. Still, Orlin had made it seem as though the gift would be tangible, but nothing had materialized as of yet.

Completing her grooming, Sam then grabbed her keys and headed towards the base. A few extra minutes would allow her some time with the quantum mirror and hopefully one step closer to accessing the data on the crystals. She let Orlin's cryptic words file themselves into the back of her mind, where they usually sat, and put herself to task, working out equations in her head for separating the chunks of indecipherable alien information.

The base was quiet as the night shift started to make their way out and the first of the morning crew came to take their place. SG-1 was up for training recruits today which didn't bother her, but would no doubt leave Jack rather cranky. Despite the disturbing dreams, she could still recall how tender he could be when consoling her and she had felt herself desperately missing him. Again Sam steeled herself. She needed to feel safe in her own skin again before she could even think about herself in a relationship. Especially in one that required her to violate a protocol she had sworn to live by.

The quantum mirror stood forebodingly off to the side with numerous wires coming out from the base, hooked into a suped up laptop which she had designed specifically for this project. Another, similar, laptop was hooked up to the crystals in the remote device. Sam sat on the stool and started punching calculations in the laptop hooked up to the remote and after a few more calculations she found herself so enthralled that she missed Daniel knocking on her door.

"Hey, Jack's looking for you," Daniel said, walking in. "We're supposed to be heading out to start the training."

Sam bit her bottom lip. "I'm so close, Daniel! I can feel it, but I keep missing something."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. No one expects you to crack super tough alien code in a matter of a few months." A pause. "Teal'c has doughnuts by the way," he bribed, now standing next to Sam who hadn't let her eyes move from her laptop monitor.

"That's great, but really, do you think I could convince him to let me stay here?" she asked, her fingers typing away furiously. Daniel, annoyed that he was still trying to get her attention, waved his hand in front of her face.

"Sam, we have to go now. No, Jack isn't going to let you out of this, we have the scenario all set up and if he has to do it, you're going to have to do it too."

She finally turned to face him and gave him a resigned look. "Misery loves company, doesn't it?"

Daniel rolled his eyes. "You and Jack love this stuff and it's been at least six months since we had some new victims… er recruits… Last time you two were like kids in a candy store with the whole full blown alien invasion thing."

"Things are different now," she responded, grabbing her jacket and following him into the corridor. "I've got a lot on my plate."

"Things _are_ different, but not your workload," Daniel said giving her a pointed look. "Ever since 636 you've been a recluse in your lab and more so since Adrian Conrad."

"It's been a tough year," she conceded. "I'm just trying to sort stuff out."

Daniel wanted to pry some more, but the look on Sam's face gave him pause, so the remainder of their trip topside was done in silence. Jack and Teal'c were waiting for them next to a standard USAF Jeep and as they walked towards the other half of their team, Sam found herself grateful that Jack was wearing sunglasses.

"It's about time. How's it going to look if the scene isn't set up by the time the cadets arrive?" the Colonel chided, opening the door to the vehicle.

"Sorry, sir. I was caught up with the quantum mirror," she explained, not feeling all that apologetic. No matter how much they had kept their professional and private lives separate, Sam had to admit that she wasn't flustered easily by him anymore. That was just one of the hazards of having seen the man in his birthday suit.

"I'll forgive you this time, Carter, but only because I fudged the time I told you by about twenty minutes. Daniel did a better job getting you out of there than I expected, so we're actually going to be early!" Despite the sunglasses, Sam was sure that he had humor dancing in those damned brown eyes that matched the playful smirk on his face.

She turned to Daniel and narrowed her eyes. "Did you know about this?"

"What? Me?" he responded, holding his hands up, feigning ignorance. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Right."

Teal'c took the front passenger seat while Jack drove, leaving the two scientists to sit in the back seat. The drive was relatively uneventful except for the few times Teal'c felt the need to point out that Jack was exceeding posted speed limits. By the time they arrived the training ground was just about set up and a few enlisted personnel were hauling in some extra barrels. SG-1 parked and headed into the warehouse to discuss the day's exercise.

"I am the GREAT and POWERFUL OZ!" Daniel spoke loudly, fiddling with his voice changer.

"What the hell are you doing Daniel?" Jack asked, while Sam let out an unprofessional giggle that sounded strange because it was being filtered through her voice changer as well. "Carter!"

"Sorry, sir, I was just testing it," she responded, her voice still altered. Pressing a button she switched it off and she saw Daniel do the same.

"Okay, so are we clear on roles? Carter you're Tok'Ra, Daniel you're Goa'uld. Me and Teal'c will come on in, radio for back up, and in will come the cavalry. It'll be a stand off between you two and the cadets will have to decide the next step."

"Why do I always have to be the evil megalomaniac? I mean, I'm even the bad guy in tomorrow's scenario," the younger man complained, fiddling with his intar.

"Hey, admit it, you like sitting in General Hammond's chair," Jack said, slapping him on the arm. "Now let's get to it!"

This new batch of recruits seemed promising to Sam. Lieutenant Hailey was among them, but only as a mole to help the training the scenario. The girl was brilliant and had been accepted to Oxford to pursue her doctorate. Sam had secured her a place as an intern at the SGC during the summers and suspected she would be top pick for an SG team when she arrived on the scene. She probably wouldn't even have to arm wrestle anyone, Sam thought wryly.

Daniel and Sam took position as the cadets moved in and Sam thought that Daniel relished shooting the cadets down a little too much. Pay back was a bitch, though, and she knew he would be getting his tomorrow if Jack had any say in the matter. Dusting herself off, she stood up and watched as the cadets lined themselves up to face a very pissed of Colonel O'Neill.

"Well, beautiful. We're all dead and there's a Goa'uld on the loose. That is _not_ my definition of a successful mission. In fact, that's what I would call royally screwed! I want all of you to report to the ready line in twenty minutes. Dismissed!"

The four young officers saluted and exited the warehouse while Jack turned around to face them.

"If this is our future, maybe we should just surrender now," Jack muttered, resituating his cap.

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on them?" Daniel asked. "I mean, they're just cadets."

"Are you living in the same universe I am because last time I checked, our split second decisions have the potential to land you in a body bag," the older man said caustically. "No, I don't think I was being too hard on them." Not giving Daniel a chance to respond, he turned on his heels and headed towards where the cadets would be waiting for them.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Chewing her bottom lip, Sam eyed the jell-o sitting on the shelf before giving in and selecting the blue one. As far as base food was concerned, this was as close to comfort food as she was going to get. Eliot, who had been in charge of the cadet team, had claimed that Jack and Teal'c would have never let themselves get taken out. It was definitely a hole in the scenario and one that had tripped the cadet up. Sam supposed that it came from being a thinker and she wondered if she would have let herself get confused by the same hiccup. Looking across the commissary she spotted Jack and her heart stopped. On one hand, she could head back to her lab to eat her jell-o which was an unappealing option. On the other, she could sit with him because going off to sit on her own would look strange to just about everyone in the room. Conceding to the lesser of two evils, she took a seat across from Jack who had just finished a banana.

"Hello, Carter," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Jell-o, I see."

"Just having a snack before slaving away in my lab, sir."

"Ah," he answered, focusing on the folder opened in front of him. An awkward silence continued between them.

"So… what do you think of Eliot," she said, trying to make small talk. His brown eyes looked up from the folder and met hers and she felt her breath catch. Though his expression was indeterminable, it was clear from the way he was looking at her that he missed her. A small blush crept into her cheeks.

"He over thinks and is too busy trying to get my approval instead of focusing on the situation at hand."

"Can you blame him?" Sam responded, pushing pieces of jell-o around keeping her eyes down; Jack's gaze, however, did not waver.

"What?"

Realization dawned on her and she started trying to quickly dig herself out of her hole. "You're the commander of SG-1, the most elite team in the SGC. You set high standards, live by high standards, and push everyone around you to live by them as well."

"Cut it out, Carter. I'm no different than any of the other officers around here." His face was buried in his folder again and Sam allowed herself a moment to study him. His self-deprecation was something that had always driven her crazy. For reasons that remained a mystery to her, he had some need to constantly draw attention away from his many positive attributes. They had spent hours talking; Sam knew how intelligent and educated he was having gotten both his undergrad and masters in political science. He played dumb on a lot of things, but he had changed her mind on quite a few political points.

"You are to me," she said, her voice low and her eyes still on her jell-o. Sam didn't have to look up to know that his brown eyes were fixed on her, no doubt stunned by her statement which was borderline inappropriate considering their history. When she finally built up the courage to face him, she gasped as she didn't see his brown eyes but instead gaping holes, black as the deepest abyss. Dropping her spoon, she didn't even excuse herself, but exited as swiftly as her legs would allow. The blood pounded in her ears so loud she didn't even hear him call her name as she plowed through the corridors. Finally, in the safety of her lab, she let herself collapse into a chair and let the panic flow over and through her. She laid her head on her desk and tried to focus her mind on other things, like the quantum mirror now in her line of sight. She had been working on an equation earlier that day…

Numbers, variables, and symbols were forced into her brain and slowly they overcame the disturbing images. With a little bit of effort Sam got her mind refocused and soon she was in front of her laptop, punching equations. A grin broke out on her face as suddenly the data on the screen started to parse itself. "YES!" she said, watching the computer do its thing.

"Do something exciting?" Daniel asked, as he walked into her lab.

"I figured out how to separate the data out into usable chunks. Each conglomeration of data is representative of a variable within a given universe. Do you know what this means?" Sam said, a grin still plastered on her face.

"That we'll be traveling to other universes soon?"

"Well, not soon. The computer has to do this first and then I have to figure out exactly what the variables correspond to and then I have to write a program that can define those parameters… but sooner than if Orlin hadn't explained the principles behind the mirror."

"I thought you said the computer figured out the variables."

"It's recognized the packets of data that belong together. Essentially I have gotten the computer to recognize that _z_ is a variable in an equation, but I still have to figure out what _z_ is…"

"Wow. That's really complicated. I'm going to stick with an ancient obscure dialect of Goa'uld if you don't mind," he answered, patting her on the back. "Still, it does sound like an achievement."

"Yes and a break. The computer will be doing this for possibly months before I get a chance to take a crack at it." Sam closed the laptop lid knowing it would continue to download and back up the data she was working on. She'd pass this part of the work off to the other scientists – it was mostly just monitoring progress and making sure the computer didn't fry itself to hell.

"So, you want to tell me what's going on now?" Daniel inquired, taking a stool next to Sam. "I saw you run from the commissary like you had a Jaffa on your heels."

"Daniel…"

"C'mon Sam. Ever since Orlin, you and Jack have had some tension. I ignored it and figured you guys would do some sort of military bonding thing and get over it. But then this whole thing with Adrian Conrad blew up and now you hate to be in the same room as the man."

"We'll figure it out. You don't have to mediate."

"I don't want to mediate. I haven't said a word to Jack and I'm not going to because he's him and every time I ask him about feelings he refers to me as Mr. Oprah. You on the other hand are my best friend and you're clearly bothered by something." He covered her hand with his.

Sam sighed and met his gaze. "Colonel O'Neill knew they were spying on me with Orlin. I don't know. Maybe he feels like I broke his trust because I didn't tell him that I was harboring an alien. Maybe I feel like he doesn't support me because he went along with the plan even though he really didn't have a choice."

"Yeah, I was angry when I found out, but judging from the way Jack delivered the news, I think he probably was pretty upset that he had to go along with it."

"Maybe," she responded, looking unconvinced and pulling her hand back. "I guess I'm just realizing that he's not who I thought he was."

Daniel tapped his finger on the table. "As in hard core military man?" Sam avoided his eyes and inhaled, then exhaled slowly. She really didn't want to have this conversation. "Sam…"

"He emptied the entire clip into him," she whispered. "When I was being held, the doctor had a syringe and he shot him. The first shot was a clean head shot and it scared the hell out of me... I expected him to come over and release me but he was so focused and he had this look in his eyes…"

She felt his hand rub her back and she fought the images that were flooding into her mind. They were a collage of reality and her nightmare. "I've _never_ seen him so cold, Daniel. The body was on the floor, dead, unmoving and he kept on firing, walking closer. I think he would have emptied a second clip into the man if Maybourne hadn't stopped him. We were all too stunned to say anything and for a split second when he faced me, his eyes were still so hard."

"You should talk to him about it."

Sam shook her head and wiped a single tear that had escaped from her face. "No way. I'll figure this out, I just need some time."

"If you say so."

"I say so. Look, thanks for listening, but I think I ought to go now. We have a big day tomorrow," she responded, her voice still slightly agitated. He wanted to stop her but he knew he shouldn't so he nodded in resignation and Sam grabbed her things and left. Somehow she knew she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam nearly hit Daniel with her tennis ball as he was walking back into Hammond's office after making the necessary "show of evil" as he had called it. Thankfully he managed to move in time and the ball rolled harmlessly out the door and underneath the conference room table, but Sam was disappointed. There went her only form of entertainment until her arrival on the scene.

"I have to say that you do the whole villain piece quite well," she commented as he took his seat in the General's chair. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"I think you just like the fact that I keep getting shot. I told Jack to have them take me hostage this time, but what are the odds he actually decided to take me up on that?"

"I would say very slim, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c replied.

"He owes me a beer," the archaeologist muttered, picking at a piece of lint on his jacket. "Man I wish I had remembered one of my chocolate bars."

"Maybe you'll get lucky and Satterfield will find you," Sam remarked with a small smirk. "She's been making googly eyes at you during all of our training sessions."

"Is googly eyes a technical term?" he said back.

"What is 'googly"..."

Teal'c's question was cut off by the sound of the gate activating. "Damn!" Sam cursed, grabbing the phone and dialing her lab.

"O'Neill."

"We've got an unscheduled off world activation, sir."

"Got it, Carter." Then the line went dead. The three headed through the conference room and down to the control room where Walter sat at the ready.

The sergeant turned around. "It's SG-3, ma'am, under heavy fire."

"Open the iris!"

Within seconds a staff blast flew through the gateroom and hit the opposing wall. Colonel Ramirez came through first, with a limping Corporal Meyers. Sam realized she was holding her breath only when the last two of the team plunged from the wormhole onto the ramp below. Before she could even issue the order, Walter had closed the iris and the sound of weapons fire hitting the metal echoed until the wormhole disengaged. A medical team had already entered the room and was tending to the injured marine and once she was satisfied that everything was being handled she turned to head back to Hammond's office. Daniel stopped her before she got too far, however.

"Sam, I think it's time for you to make your appearance."

"Thanks, I lost track of time," she answered, diverting her path to head to the corridor. The plan was to meet them back in the lab, but she was startled by the appearance of Hailey, Eliot, Grogan and Satterfield.

"Major Carter!" Lieutenant Eliot exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

There was only a split second hesitation before she answered. "I escaped from the aliens, I was looking for assistance," she ad libbed, hoping it sounded more convincing to them than it did to her. "Where's Colonel O'Neill?"

"He's safe. Sorry ma'am, we need to check you for weapons," Hailey insisted. "You were captured by the aliens." Sam nodded and held her hands spread eagle while Satterfield did the frisking. Satisfied that she wasn't an escaped alien hell-bent on global or galactic domination, they led her back to the lab where Jack was busy letting one of the guards out of his restraints. He turned on his heels and Sam gave him an apologetic look as Eliot looked on in shock.

"Colonel what are you doing?"

"I was going to interrogate the prisoner," he answered, sounding even less convincing than she had and the expression on her face must have said exactly that. "Not buying it huh?"

"It's obvious you've been manipulated by the aliens. I'll have to take it from here," Sam spoke up.

"Oh for cryin' out loud! I have not been compromised. I am your commanding officer and-"

He was cut off as Eliot shot him with the intar. Sam gasped in surprise and turned to face him. "Why did you do that?"

"He's clearly been compromised and we need to make sure he's not going to interfere with our rescue attempt."

The reasoning was sound much to Sam's amusement and she nodded her approval. "So why did you trust me?"

"Hailey thought your Goa'uld markers would keep you from being manipulated by the nanites."

"Good thinking, Lieutenant. Now, I need to work on a cure, do you think you all can handle the device?"

"Yes ma'am," Eliot answered. "We're on it!" Sam nodded and the team exited. As soon as she was satisfied that they were gone, she leaned down to tend to Jack.

"Sorry about that, sir. They changed routes and ran right into me."

Jack let out a gurgling noise. "I can't believe he shot me!"

"Daniel will be pleased," she said, helping him into a sitting position. "Although I noticed that they set their intars on max…"

"Yes, well I didn't expect to get shot."

"So it would seem," she answered, giving him a smile. Her blue eyes were dancing in with unspoken laughter and as they sat on the floor together it seemed as though the problems of the last few months were temporarily forgotten. His brown eyes displayed the playfulness she was used to, not the coldness that kept visiting her in her sleep. Jack studied her face and relished the unguarded and pleasant moment that was occurring between them as so few had happened as of late. Her blond hair framed her face and she looked breathtaking. In fact, the only time he thought she looked more beautiful was in the throes of passion during one of their trysts. Now those trysts were only in his fantasies and right then and there, he ached to have them back. The intensity of his desire must have translated in his eyes because he noticed her cheeks growing hot and red.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, turning his gaze away.

"No, it's fine, sir," she replied, awkwardly. Then she noticed the red liquid coming from his side. "You're still oozing."

"What?" He looked confused for a moment. "Oh! Yeah, thanks." He quickly started to shed his BDU jacket and then got up to lay it on the chair. "So, you want to head up to the security room, finish watching the scenario?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

There was a moment of hesitation as they tried to decide who would walk out first and they ran into each other. Sam caught his scent and she tried not to let it affect her. It encompassed her and she felt herself starting to warm yet she risked a glance and met his eyes. However, instead of warm chocolate she was greeted by despairing, black emptiness and she felt as though the wind had been choked out of her. Shaking she stepped away quickly, almost falling over and when she felt his hand reach out to grab her she thought her heart was going to leap from her chest. "Don't touch me," she growled, unexpectedly, and she yanked her arm back.

"Major?"

The use of her rank brought her back to reality and she took a breath, but this time avoided his eyes. "Sorry sir, it's been a crazy day. Why don't we head on up?" Her smile was weak, she knew that, but she didn't give him much of a chance to react before she walked out into the corridor.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Daniel blinked and rubbed his eyes as he realized he'd been reading the same portion of text for over twenty minutes and was no closer to a translation than when he first started. His whole body ached, which he suspected was a residual effect of the intar blast he had taken earlier. Of course, he could also just be getting sick, but if he blamed the intar, he could feel justified in his irritation at Jack. The team dynamics had been off for a while now and he felt the blame lay squarely at the Colonel's feet. He was a cranky bastard and had the tendency to push the wrong buttons on just about every person he met.

"Are you busy, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked, taking a step into Daniel's office.

"No. I'm just pretending to work," he said with a yawn, stretching. Seeing Teal'c's puzzled expression, he clarified. "I'm too preoccupied to focus."

"I too have been troubled as of late. I was unable to kel'no'reem and decided to visit you here."

Grateful for the distraction, he leaned forward and gave Teal'c a concerned look. "What's on your mind?"

The Jaffa took a stool across from Daniel and seemed to be contemplating his words... "I have noticed that Major Carter has been ill at ease as of late. On our last mission, I noticed that she had trouble sleeping."

"The whole Adrian Conrad incident really shook her up," he answered. He paused before continuing. "Apparently Jack was pretty violent and it really shocked her."

"Indeed, it would," the older man responded, nodding. "It is difficult to understand the darkness that resides within a warrior's heart. Among the Jaffa we have a saying 'The greater the honor of a warrior, the more powerful the cruel beast within.'"

Daniel shook his head and sighed. "I suppose. I just don't understand it, but then again, I didn't see it. I mean, Sam's a combat officer right? And I've done my fair share of shooting. So why is it different for Jack?"

"It is true that both you and Major Carter are strong warriors, but that is only part of who you are. What O'Neill and I are makes up the entirety of our being. We live in world that requires that some of us face evil so that others do not."

"In a world where a there are sheep and wolves, it sucks to be the wolf-dog."

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson."

Daniel let his words sink in and weighed them against his own understanding of Jack and Teal'c. They had certainly all faced evil, but somewhere in both Jack's life and in Teal'c's experiences they had had to make choices and do things that both Sam and himself had been spared. Perhaps that left the two of the younger teammates a measure of innocence and idealism that had long since disappeared from the other two. Pity washed over him and his earlier irritation with Jack began to subside.

"So how do we help Sam overcome what she faced with him?"

"We do not. This is a matter between her and O'Neill."

"What? Teal'c, I tried to get her to talk to Jack earlier and she shot me down."

"Major Carter is astute and while she may initially refuse, she will realize what she must do. Until then we continue to offer them our presence."

A smile crossed the man's face and he stood up. "Okay. We'll play it your way." Readjusting his glasses, he looked at his companion. "What do you say we go grab ourselves something to eat."

Teal'c stood and nodded. "That sounds like a most excellent plan, Daniel Jackson."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Just on the edge of Colorado Springs, there was a park called the Garden of the Gods. During the summer months it had become a rendezvous spot for Sam and Jack, someplace they could go to spend the evening together without risking detection. There were plenty of places they could go that were secluded and they had found one such place near one of the impressive rock formations that they had dubbed "their spot". Jack had suggested a picnic there initially as a joke since they spent their days fighting false gods, but the natural beauty became a tangible reminder of what they were fighting for.

Sam sat with her back against a tree, noting the vibrant red and oranges that were finger-painted across the sky as night began to descend. The evening was cool and a sweet smell of pine ever so lightly tickled her nose. Here she was free from nightmares. Here she could remember what it felt like to be safe. The humid air enveloped her like a lover's embrace and as she sat the tension melted from her body into the surrounding world.

Thoughts drifted into her mind and she let them come, refusing to censor them. In this place she could allow her emotions freedom to meander across her psyche. Daniel's words of advice to talk with Jack remained with her. Despite her adamant refusal, in her gut she knew it was precisely what she needed to do. They had promised that their relationship would not interfere with their work and although they were apart, that oath remained as vital as ever. Sam had let her fear trouble her for far too long and with a new resolve she pulled out her cell phone.

"O'Neill," his voice was rough.

"Jack, it's me."

"Carter, what can I do for you?" His tone had softened.

"You know our place?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Meet me there. We need to talk."

"On my way."

The phone went silent and she leaned her head against the tree. The vivid oranges had turned to rosy pinks and violets that faded into a navy blue-black. Soon the stars would be visible and night would blanket everything. Growing up, Sam had always felt out of place moving about as often as they did. Her whole life she longed for a place called home and now that she had traveled the galaxy and back again, she found she was okay calling the entire planet Earth home. Out there among the stars, no one asked what state she was born in, she was Tau'ri. Footsteps making their way towards her pulled her from her ambling thoughts.

"Carter? You out here?"

She stood up and crashed into him in the process. His arms instinctively wrapped around her to steady her and Sam found herself engulfed in his embrace, her face inches from his. They stood like that for a second, his scent washed over her, and for just a moment all she wanted to do was touch her lips to his. The look in Jack's eyes told her that if she risked it, it would be cruel to stop at only a kiss. Disentangling herself, she drew in a few breaths and stepped back a few more steps. He was wearing jeans and a blue button up and Sam thought he looked damn good. Inhaling deeply she guided her thoughts back to the task before her.

"Thanks for coming." Although she was standing tall, her voice betrayed her uncertainty. He nodded mutely and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Jack, you know I love you right?"

"I guess so… sure. Why?" There was an underlying impatience in his voice which encouraged her to move straight to the point.

"You deserve to know why I've been acting so strange lately. I've been having nightmares about being kidnapped," she closed her eyes for a second, then started again. "I've been having nightmares about you." Jack said nothing, but watched her intently. "You were so cold. I…"

"I was trying to save you!" he defended, his expression now being one of hurt. "He was about to kill you."

"You emptied a whole clip into the man! He was dead. There was no need to keep at it," she chastised, her blue eyes hardening. "You didn't even need to take him out. A shot in the kneecap would have done it."

"What do you want me to say, Sam? That I was wrong? That I should have been more forgiving of the bastard?" his voice was a low growl and she could see his body tensing in fury.

This wasn't going as she had planned. "No, no. I'm not saying that… it just… it scared the hell out of me, Jack. You're a soldier first, I get that, but that look in your eyes…" She shuddered involuntarily.

"You're right, I am a solider. If you can't deal with that then maybe… I don't know what you want from me. I shot that son of a bitch to hell and back. He deserved it and I would do it again in a heartbeat, no hesitation."

"See, who is this? You've never been out of control and I don't know how to handle that."

"What does that mean? It has never, ever been aimed at you. I would never…" he paused and studied her. "Is that what you're scared of? That I would hurt you?"

When she didn't respond, Jack stepped forward and carefully reached for her hand. "Samantha, you are the most precious… beautiful… he was treating you like a dog to be put down. You're worth so much more."

His expression was warm and inviting and Sam felt something stir inside of her that she hadn't felt in a while. It was a confidence in herself that had been sorely lacking. What had she been afraid of? Looking at Jack in the moonlight, seeing the way that he loved her, she realized that while she may not understand what had happened that day, she had no reason to fear it.

"I need more time," Sam said, breaking the silence. "When I started this program, I was sure of myself and I trusted in my abilities, but I haven't given myself time to digest the things that have happened and… I need to stand on my own two feet. The whole Orlin situation really shook my foundation – especially when I discovered I was being watched."

"I gave them hell, I want you to know that."

She smiled at him. "I'm sure you did. I just… I need to work through what happened. With Orlin, with Adrian Conrad."

"If there's anything I can do to help," he offered.

"I'm seeing someone."

Sam realized she had really said the wrong thing when his eyes went wide as though she had slapped him across the face. It took her a second to realize what he thought she meant. "Oh! No… no, not like that. A therapist. One of the one's on base…" her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Geez, I mean, I know I don't have a right, it just… you know you said you still had feelings for me," he explained hurriedly, apparently just as flustered as she was.

"I do and I know that's not going to change. We promised to keep this between us and I'm going to, I'm not going to mention a word about you and me, I just need some help sorting through my own confidence issues. I guess I'm just asking for your patience."

Jack dropped his gaze to the ground for a second before meeting her eyes again. Closing the gap between them, he lifted a hand to her cheek. "Always." Then very slowly, giving her a chance to step back if she wanted to, he lowered his lips to hers. Sam felt a warm sensation flood her from the top of her head to her toes that reminded her of hot fudge being drizzled on vanilla ice cream. She laced her fingers in his gray hair and pulled him closer to deepen the embrace and she felt his tongue flick across hers, coaxing her to join him, but she held part of herself back and Jack didn't push anymore. As they parted, she gently nipped his bottom lip with her teeth and both were left breathless.

"I think I'd better go," Sam said, putting a little distance between them. "It's late…"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to stay here a little longer," he answered, walking backwards a couple steps.

"Sure. So. I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Yeah."

"Bye."

He gave her a small wave before turning and walking into the night. Sam watched as he headed towards a path and then she turned and made her own way out. The kiss had been unexpected and she was glad that she hadn't felt the panic she had been feeling recently. A smile grew across her face as she felt a renewed sense of peace. Tonight she had overcome her fear and had proven herself stronger than she had thought. And that, she realized, was a step in the right direction.

TBC…


	6. Road to Shambala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: This is a shorter chapter that I inserted into my outline after the fact. I felt that I couldn't just jump ahead without dealing with this particular scenario and yet my plot is nicely tied up in my outline, so I decided to make this an "intermission" chapter. Title is a reference to the song by Three Dog Night "Shambala". If you've never heard the song, go download it! It's great. On another note, I posted a light hearted fic called "Apocalypse at 0830" which should help you deal with any angst hangovers you are feeling after reading this LOL._

The wine bottle sat unopened on Sam's coffee table and she continued to stare at it listlessly, her eyes looking right through it. The tears hadn't come yet; she had expected that and she knew they would eventually come. For now, she was floating on the deep sea of denial and numbness. Daniel leaving had left her days feeling empty and colorless, cold and meaningless. This was the beginnings of grief; Sam had felt much the same way after the death of her mother. One day, maybe tomorrow or next week, floodgates would open and she would cry until she had nothing left to cry and she would start to pick up the pieces of her heart. She pitied herself a little, at least when her mother died, she'd had Mark and her father, friends and family. This time, she felt isolated. Teal'c had offered her a hug, but he preferred to grieve in quiet. Jack… well everything was too damn complicated. The sound of her phone ringing caused her come out of her depressed stupor.

"Carter."

"Hey."

"Jack… I thought you were out of town," she said, feeling a sense of desperation to keep him on the phone. The loneliness, in that second, had become utterly unbearable.

"I was, I came back early. It was too… quiet," he said, his voice betraying the weight on his shoulders.

"I know what you mean," she replied, her voice soft. "I've been sitting here waiting for the tears, but they just don't seem to come."

"I've found lots of beer can help with that problem."

Sam let out a small laugh. "I bought a bottle of cheap wine, but I can't get up the courage to drink it. Maybe I'm afraid that if I cry, he'll really be gone."

"He is gone. But he's not dead. I guess we should be thankful for that."

"Small comfort," she whispered, picking up the bottle and picking at the Kendall Jackson label.

"White or red?"

"White."

"Can I come pick you up? Maybe we can take a walk or something?" Jack asked, his voice hesitant. "No pressure or anything."

She wavered in answering. "I'm not sure…"

"Yeah, no I understand," he interjected, a little too quickly.

Her hesitant refusal created a silent tension. As hard as she was fighting to do this on her own, the thought of him suffering alone made her stomach knot. "You know, uh, I haven't eaten, maybe we could just grab something to eat."

"Look, Carter, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I was just putting it out on the table."

Shoring up her confidence, she reiterated herself. "Let's grab something to eat." Her voice was firmer this time and Jack paused before responding.

"Great, I'll be there in twenty. And bring the wine."

He hung up and Sam put the phone down on the couch beside her, resuming her blank gaze into nowhere. After her mother had died, she had poured herself into school work and activities so she wouldn't have to dwell. Then, on the eve of her sixteenth birthday, something her and her mother used to talk about, Sam had a breakdown. She was so devastated her father kept her out of school for a week, then had her go to therapy. Jacob had been distraught, unsure of what to do or how to help her cope with the fact that she was becoming a woman without a mother to guide her. Through the sessions, she learned how to grieve. That's why when General Hammond had insisted on two weeks of down time, she accepted without argument or complaint. Her laptop was left off and her projects half done. For three days straight she ate take-out and hung around in her pajamas. Her therapist would have been proud.

She heard Jack's truck pull up front and she had the door open, bottle in hand before he'd even made it to her door. Sam didn't care one bit that she was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with a pair of flip flops and in true Jack O'Neill form, she could tell neither did he. Not a word was uttered as he had wrapped his arms around her, and she gratefully relaxed against him. The steadiness of his heartbeat soothed the undercurrent of chaos that had been buried beneath her stoic surface. After a moment she stepped back to lock her door and then followed him to the truck.

Jack drove and she stared out the window. He didn't ask her where she wanted to go, she didn't ask where he was going. The radio was on at a reduced volume but when Three Dog Night's _Shambala_ came on, Jack turned up the volume a little and Sam let a light smile grace her lips.

"We hummed this every time we saw him for a week after we got back from Kheb," Sam reminisced.

"Team night was fun. Karaoke, beer…"

"You singing the song in front of a live audience." A laugh bubbled over and Jack glanced over with amusement in his eyes.

"With Daniel if you remember, although he was too drunk to follow the words on the screen."

"I guess he's letting his light shine, huh?" she mused sadly, her blue eyes moving to stare out at the road again. They fell into another silence, letting the song play out. After a few more minutes, Jack pulled off onto a side dirt road until he came to a little niche where he parked. The sun had set and when she opened the door the sound of crickets chirping greeted her ears.

"Where are we?" she asked as Jack pulled a cooler out from the back half of his cab.

"Some place where we can look at the stars," he responded, putting the cooler in the back and then motioning for her to hop up. She did and was surprised to find blankets arranged in the back. "I stopped and got some sandwiches and plastic cups. I guess I didn't much feel like a crowd tonight."

Meeting his eyes, which glittered in the moonlight, she gave him a reassuring look. "That's fine, I don't think I was either."

The cooler was opened to reveal a couple of sub sandwiches, some chips, and plastic cups. Sam handed over the wine which Jack opened and poured into the cups. There they sat eating and drinking slowly.

"Daniel never could hold his liquor," Sam remembered wryly. "I think he drank beer just to humor us which never made any sense since Teal'c generally sticks with ginger ale."

"He prefers those girlie malt beverages or whatever they are," he said gruffly, taking a sip of his wine.

"I'm sure he's laughing at us, drinking our wine in Dixie cups, talking about him…"

"I'll have you know these are Solo cups, the finest plastic ware you can find."

She giggled; was the wine already going to her head? "Okay, drinking our wine in plastic cups…"

"That's better." Jack poured more wine in his cup and offered the bottle to her, which she gladly accepted. "Daniel was not my first choice for a friend, but I guess you find friends in crazy places."

"I was always a little jealous of him."

"Oh?"

Sam cast her gaze downward and shrugged. "He knew you. You know, before all this," she waved her hand around. "I felt like I had something to prove while he and Teal'c just had a place. Even after, I guess, he's seen a side of you that I don't know." She felt like she was babbling and she glanced in her cup. How did it get empty so quickly? Her sandwich remained only partially eaten, so she tried to force herself to focus on it.

"You never had anything to prove, Sam. And as for before, let's just say you got a taste of him with Adrian Conrad. After Charlie…" he paused and looked upward. "After he died, I couldn't live with myself. I'm still not sure I can."

"Daniel respected you a lot," she comforted, her voice gentle and calm. "I guess that's why I'm not surprised it was you he talked to…" her voice cracked and she felt the first stinging of tears behind her eyes. "…to stop the treatment." Jack said nothing, but watched her in the low light of the cool night. Her eyes sparkled and as the tears began to fall, it looked as though she were crying diamonds.

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling her into his embrace. Sobs that had been waiting for the right moment flooded forward and Sam shook as salty drops poured from her eyes. Jack's arms held her tightly as she let herself embrace the sorrow that had been denied.

"I miss him, Jack. I keep thinking he's just on vacation or with some team on another planet, but when I pick up the phone I remember that he's not there anymore. He's on some great journey but he left us here. Why did he have to be so damn heroic?" Her rage only fed the dark pain that seared through her. "Why the hell am I the only one crying?" Sam pulled back and stared at Jack. "Why am I the one that's weak?"

"You're not weak."

"Look at me!" she exclaimed. "I'm crying my eyes out while you're just sitting there… all normal and not crying…"

He released her from his arms and sat back with a sigh. "Crying is not a sign of weakness and whoever told you that was an ass. I don't cry because I can't." Sam looked at him quizzically and sniffled. "Dammit. I've seen so much, Carter. I've lost a son and a marriage. I've lost friends. I can't cry because I'm terrified that if I start, I'll never stop."

Jack's confession stunned Sam. The heartache and grief were there, she could see it in his eyes, but he seemed heavier now that she knew. The jokes, the irreverence, all of it was a façade for him. The old adage "if you didn't laugh, you'd cry" echoed in her ears and without another moment's thought she wrapped herself around him. As more sobs wracked her body, she held him and he remained still, but she knew he felt it. Then she turned his face to her and very lightly brushed her lips against his. Jack cupped her chin in his hands and pressed his lips tighter against hers and as he parted her lips with his, Sam felt his despair. Instinct took over and she started to encourage him, taking her fingernails she lustfully raked them down his back. This is how he grieved, this is how he found solace, she understood that intimately. Her hands found the hem of his shirt and as Sam was about to lift, his rough hands gripped her wrists and pushed her away. Brown eyes studied her baby blues and he lovingly brushed the back of his hand against her cheek.

"Not yet," he whispered, regret filling his eyes.

"You need this, Jack. I know you. You've been so patient with me and I want to give you something."

"You don't owe me anything." She nodded mutely, but her expression lacked confidence. "Listen to me, Sam. You don't owe me _anything_. If you wanted to end everything between us, I would walk away, no questions asked and I would never feel as though I had given you more than what you deserve." Again she nodded and this time he reached out a hand to grab hers. They sat there in the dark, not speaking, taking comfort in each other's presence. After a few minutes, he broke the silence. "It's late, I should get you home."

Without fanfare they packed up. Sam slid into the passenger seat and when he got behind the wheel, she laced her fingers with his. They stayed like that until they got to her house and even for a few minutes after they had stopped. With what courage she could muster she faced him. "I miss your arms around me."

"Do you want me to stay? I promise we'll just sleep."

Closing her eyes she inhaled deeply. "Okay."

It was a risk, parking his truck out front and walking into the house with her, but neither one cared. Once inside, Sam brushed her teeth and washed her face and curled up against Jack to cry herself to sleep. Tenderly he stroked her hair until both had drifted off. When Sam woke the next morning she found her bed empty. Touching the other pillow she found it cold and from the lack of movement in her house, she knew he had left already. Her arms ached to hold him and remembering Jack's words the night before, she let herself weep and in a strange way, she felt stronger than she had before.

TBC…


	7. Request for Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _A/N: PLEASE READ! In this installment there is an instance of strong language as well as a more "mature" scene (I don't consider it graphic, I've seen PG-13 with worse – which is why I've kept it as a "T" rating). The scene is but a paragraph long and starts with "I need you." (Yeah, I can't give you a bigger red flag than that!) Enjoy._

Screams of rage echoed in Iso Room 2 as Jack O'Neill twisted and pulled against the restraints. Vile epithets spewed from his pallid, cracked lips and Sam stared down, watching him suffer the effects of sarcophagus withdrawal. His first night back had been calm; they had shared soft smiles and momentary, hidden touches. The next day, however, his mood darkened and Janet had made the call to restrain him before he had the chance to harm anyone. From there he had degraded into the violent, out of control, vestige of a man that he was now. Most of his screams were against Ba'al, the son of a bitch who tortured him and revived him and then tortured him some more. Anger boiled through Sam's veins and she was almost certain that if faced with the arrogant Goa'uld, she would have ripped his heart out with her bare hands. A warm, reassuring touch fell on her shoulder and she glanced up to see her father standing next to her.

"He'll be all right. Another day and the effects will pass."

"I know. It's just so hard to see him like this," she said with a sigh, her eyes still fixed on Jack. There as a momentary pause in his fit before he picked up again. "He's going to be exhausted when this is through."

Jacob took a seat next to her. "I'm just glad he got out. The sarcophagus is a dangerous piece of technology."

"That's the universe for you. You can build something that can extend your life for centuries, but it'll cost you your soul," Sam replied, turning her gaze to her father. "I'm glad you're here."

"The Tok'Ra have a lot to answer for. What Kanan did was in direct violation of our highest values, the very core of what makes us different from the Goa'uld. Jack deserves an apology and you all deserve an explanation. The High Council felt that a friendly face would do better to smooth over relations."

"I don't think anything is going to placate Colonel O'Neill."

"Maybe not and I don't blame him. Selmak is disgusted beyond words, as are many of our fellow Tok'Ra." Jacob's voice was steady and resigned.

They fell into a tense silence as they watched Jack struggle. After what felt like hours, a nurse walked in and administered a sedative into his IV. Moments later Janet walked into the observation room and monitored Jack as he slowly started to calm and eventually fall into a medicated slumber.

"He could have used that sedative a long time ago," Sam said with a sigh.

Janet nodded. "I wish I could give him more. I think it would be a lot less painful if he could just ride it out completely sedated, unfortunately that's just not possible."

"I know. It's just hard." Janet's attention was fixed on her now and Sam knew that she was assessing her physical condition. The cover-up was probably worn away, revealing circles under her eyes and the emptiness in her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"Why don't you two go get some dinner? He'll be out for a few hours."

Sam was about to protest, but her father intervened. "I think that's a good idea. I always miss cheeseburgers when I'm with the Tok'Ra." He met her eyes with his standard fatherly look that told her that no matter what she said, he was getting his way, so she didn't even try to argue. Before walking out, she hugged Janet and gave one last longing look towards Jack.

They settled on Chili's, not that Sam had much of a preference, and were taken to a booth where they studied the menu, although Sam suspected her father was studying her over the top of his menu. He didn't say anything until after the server had taken their order.

"He'll be okay," he reassured her, knowing her thoughts were with her commanding officer. "Jack's tough."

"Sometimes too tough," she commented, taking a sip of her water.

"It's saved his life on more than one occasion," Jacob remarked pointedly and Sam nodded in concession. "You're strong too, you know. Just in a different way."

She shook her head in disagreement. "I don't think I could have survived what he did. He's got a lot of scars."

"Maybe so, but you've got plenty of your own." Their eyes met and Sam gave him a weak smile. They both knew they were talking about more than physical cuts and bruises. "There is a such thing as being too strong, though," he conceded.

"I remember what happened after Mom died."

Jacob reached for her hand. "I'd never been so scared in my entire life. I realized then I'd pushed you too hard in my military mindset. Without your mom to balance me, I just was too damn stubborn."

Her cheeks were feeling red as the painful memory was drudged up. Three days in the hospital in the mental health ward was not something she relished. "What are you trying to get at?"

"I see how this is eating you up. I just want to know that you're taking the appropriate measures to deal with the emotions."

Great, she thought, when did Dad become a psychologist? Part of it was from the incident in her childhood, but she was certain Selmak had made him a lot more forward in his concerns about her mental well-being. "I've got a couple appointments with Dr. McKenzie. I've just got stuff to work out."

Satisfied at her response, her dad smiled. "All right, I'll let it go. But if you need to talk, sweetheart, about anything, anything at all, just let me know."

"Of course. Thanks Dad." Sam tried to sound genuine, but she knew she wasn't. No matter how much she wanted to, there were some things her father would never know.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jacob Carter's prediction that it would only be another twenty-four hours before Jack was free from the painful symptoms of being without the sarcophagus was proven correct. However, his body had taken quite a strain and while he was awake briefly, he spent most of the next twenty-four hours sleeping. SG-1 desperately wanted to keep vigil, but they knew that he needed the solitude and quiet. Sam stayed on base because other than Jack, she was the only one that had housing topside. The waiting was trying on all of them and even Jonas became snippy towards the end, which was something Sam thought she would never see. It was of great relief when Janet found them in the commissary and brought them to see Jack, awake and grouchy as ever.

"I feel like hell. Can I go home yet?" he practically growled at Janet when she walked in. Jonas now had a big grin plastered on his face and any hint that he had even been moderately annoyed was gone. In fact, he was so cheerful Sam wondered if she had imagined his earlier snarkiness.

"We're working on your discharge papers now, sir," Janet replied. "In the mean time, I had some people who were waiting with eager anticipation for you."

"Hiya Colonel," Jonas said, pushing to the front of the crowd. "It's great to see you awake."

Jack grunted in response and Sam sympathized. Jonas was just too damn happy all the time. Their newest member was not dissuaded by the lack of response. "Teal'c and I were just talking about going out, maybe to O'Malley's, you know, when you're feeling up to it. Kind of like a welcome home celebration."

Completely ignoring Jonas, Jack spoke up. "Doc, am I free yet?"

"Yes, but I've prescribed some sleep medication for you to take PRN. Also, I'm going to ask that SG-1 check up on you once a day and I want a phone call if you feel anything out of the ordinary. I mean it, Colonel. Your body has been through a lot and the sooner you recover, the sooner you go back in the field." Janet was stern and while Jack complained, Sam knew he would do the right thing. The petite doctor was brilliant in using his job as an excuse for him to rely on her.

"Dad and I will be taking you home, sir," Sam said. During the entire exchange he hadn't met her gaze, but now his brown eyes locked onto her blue. She felt cold inside, his eyes looked dead and listless. Whatever Ba'al had done to him had robbed him of whatever joy he had clung to before Kanan. Her father's voice broke the connection. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, Jack, but I want to make this up to you in whatever way I can."

The Colonel had swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed the clothes laid out for him by one of the nurses. "There is nothing on God's green earth you can do to make this up to me. Not one damn thing." His voice was razor sharp and dripping with such bitterness, Sam felt as though she had bitten into a piece of wormwood. Hatred flamed in his previously icy stare and without another word, he pushed by Jacob and left to change. The group stood mutely, looking at each other awkwardly (except for Jonas who had been watching with a strange fascination).

"I thought the O'Malley's idea was a good one. He didn't seem very receptive to it though," the alien mused, looking at Teal'c for a response.

"Indeed he did not Jonas Quinn. I believe it is because you failed to mention cake."

"Cake, huh? Good thinking, man," he answered, patting the Jaffa on the arm. Sam knew Jonas wasn't stupid; it was just his way of dealing with a stressful situation. Despite what he had gone through in Kelowna, there was a childlike wonder that ensconced him and usually Sam found it endearing. Today she found it unhelpful, but she knew it serve no one to tell him off. She shared a look with her father and the two separated from the others to head towards the locker room. They stood outside and waited, but before Jack emerged, Walter showed up.

"Major, General Hammond would like to see you in his office before you head out for the evening."

Sam turned to her father. "I'll be back in a minute Dad. Just wait for me by the elevators." Her father nodded in assent and she followed the sergeant up to General Hammond's office. Walter excused himself and Sam took a seat when Hammond motioned towards the chair. He was finishing up a conversation and after another few "uh-huhs" placed the phone back on the cradle.

"Sorry to pull you away from everything, I just got a call about an hour ago from the Pentagon. Apparently they read your last report on the quantum mirror and wanted to get an assessment as to when we could send our first team through."

Sam raised her eyebrows in surprise. "I thought I was clear in my report, sir. I've managed to ascertain a certain number of the variables and we're still trying to figure out exactly what the different variables represent. I have a few theories, but truthfully sir, until we unlock the mirror, everything I think is pure speculation. I need to test some of my theories out in order to get any closer the Pentagon's goal."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," General Hammond said with a sigh. "The Pentagon is putting a lot of pressure on me, especially this Colonel Simmons. I don't know who the hell he works for, but his connections run deep. Even the President is backing him up on this one."

"Why do you think they want to access other realities so badly, sir?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, but whatever the reason, it's no doubt going to come back to bite us in the ass." He rubbed his forehead in consternation. "I'm going to authorize the use of the mirror for your experiments. We'll move the mirror to a secure room and I want at least five SFs present at all times. You are to set up the most stringent of safety measures. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. SG-1 will be on stand down until Colonel O'Neill is ready for active duty, so that should give you time to work on the mirror when you're not assisting Dr. Frasier with the Colonel's recovery. With that being said, Major, Colonel O'Neill's recovery means more to me than some alien mirror and frankly he's going to need friends to help him through this."

"I understand, sir."

He smiled at her. "Very well. Have a good evening. Dismissed."

Sam exited the office and headed down towards the elevators. She hadn't even turned the corner when she heard Jack's voice carrying through the corridor.

"As far as I'm concerned Selmak, the Tok'Ra can burn in hell! If Netu were still around, I'd send every one of you damn snakeheads to it and not even bat an eye!" As Sam came closer she saw Jack's face was contorted in fury and that Selmak was doing his very best to remain calm.

"I already told you that what Kanan did was considered despicable—"

"Oh shut up already, will ya? The only reason I haven't beat the crap out of you yet is because I _like_ Jacob and because I'm sure Carter would kick my ass from here to tomorrow if I laid one hand on your host."

"Colonel," she finally said, causing Jack to step back, startled at her presence. "I'm sorry that took me so long. Are we ready to go?" She eyed the two warily as they continued to glare at each other.

"You know Sam, I think I'm going to stay the night on the base. It's clear Jack doesn't want me around and I don't want to inconvenience him," her father said, Selmak now having gone dormant. "I'll come by tomorrow and bring lunch. Give you some time to cool down."

Jack fidgeted momentarily. "Yeah, sounds good."

"Okay, then. Sam, you're okay taking him home?" She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow; I'll just meet you over at Jack's. I'll call before I leave so you know when to get there." He pecked his daughter on the cheek before heading back down the corridor. Sam looked up at Jack. He looked out of place, uncomfortable and ill at ease. Inside she ached to give him an intimate touch to let him know he wasn't alone, but this was neither the time nor place.

"Ready, Colonel?"

He only gave a shrug as a response and she didn't push for more. In the car she let the radio play a little louder than usual to discourage any stilted conversation she might feel the urge to start. The tendency to talk when nervous was a strong one for her, so she knew that she needed accountability. CCR's "Bad Moon Rising" was a good distraction. They made it to his house after about twenty minutes and she used her key to gain entry. Jack just followed behind, resigned to whatever fate had planned for him. The house smelled musty and there was a twinge in the air. No doubt the garbage hadn't been taken out and SG-1 had been too preoccupied with Jack's absence to think about trying to tend to his home.

Turning on her heels she faced Jack who was looking at her with an intensity of longing. Letting instinct take over, she ran her hand through his gray hair and tenderly caressed his cheek. Closing his eyes he deepened her caress and let out a sigh of relief. Her touch was a balm to his broken and bleeding soul. Careful not to break the moment, Sam touched her lips lightly to his and within a second Jack had pressed his mouth against hers as firmly as he could. Something animalistic seemed to take over and he hungrily let his hands wander all over her body. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck, he moved up to her ear and groaned as he took her lobe between his teeth. She gasped and that only made him more desperate. Jack pushed her hard against the wall, pinning her against him.

"I need you, Samantha," he begged in her ear. Her response was to pull her shirt over her head to give him more access to her body. Her desire clouded her mind and she couldn't remember the walk from the front door to the bedroom or when he had removed most of her clothing. In the heat of the moment, Sam found herself tightly wedged beneath him, grinding against him, calling out his name. There was ferocity in his pursuit of her body. As they made love, she knew he was lost in his mind somewhere trying to escape. Their connection was Jack's means of making it home. The flesh on flesh, the intimate bond, her whispers and sighs, made him feel alive, she could see it in his eyes. After a series of furious thrusts that were almost violent he cried out and collapsed on her. Sam gathered her arms around him and held him against her tightly. It was after a few moments she realized he was trembling. Gingerly she urged him next to her and her breath caught in her chest when she saw the tears flowing like a glistening river down his cheeks.

His open weeping frightened Sam more than she thought it ever would. Jack was a steel jaw man, stoic in the presence of all others. The raw emotions he was displaying now made her pulse race as she tried to figure out what to do. "Jack?" she whispered hoarsely. "Jack, talk to me."

"I begged him to kill me. I begged him to make it the last time," he confessed, sitting up and burying his face in his hands.

"It's okay. It's okay," she comforted, rubbing his back. "What you endured was more than any human should."

"I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't. Some part of me was still _him_ , still Kanan. Maybe it was because she looked like you," he rambled. Sam tried desperately to make sense of his words, but her mind couldn't make the connections, so she just kept massaging his back. "That bastard took control of my body. He used me like a car and then left me to take it."

"You're home now. It's over. I'm here, whatever you need. I'm here." Her voice was urgent as she tried to move past the veil of agony that covered him.

"I need you. I've always needed you," he answered, turning to her and pulling her into an embrace. Sam didn't say anything as he held her close. His honesty threw her off her guard and she wondered what Ba'al had done to him that he would be so free with his requests. When he started to lie down, she went with him and together they lay in the dark. Sam knew she should get up and leave, but his death grip kept her in place. Soon his breathing steadied and sleep overtook her as well.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Daylight seared Sam's eyes as she abruptly awoke from her slumber. The fog of dreams dissipating and reality making an entrance caused her to wonder what had woken her so rudely. Jack had long ago rolled over and was lightly snoring so it wasn't him. Then terror ripped through her.

"Jack! Jack you in here?" Jacob's voice rang out clearly. Despite her years of combat, she panicked. Had it been a Jaffa ready to shoot her with a staff weapon, she would have been on her feet with P-90 in hand ready to take him down, but it was her _father_. Not that it would have mattered if she could jump to her feet as she was very naked in Jack's bed. "Jack!" The voice was closer and before another thought could cross her mind, her father was standing in the doorway of Jack's bedroom.

"What the hell?" His voice was barely audible and raspy; his eyes were wide with shock.

Her lover's voice spoke up, muffled against the pillow as he started to roll over. "Sam, did I just hear your – " Jack caught sight of Jacob. "This isn't good."

Sam waited for her father's reaction. His teeth were grinding together, his eyes were on fire, and that one little vein at the top of his brow was starting to throb. She waited for the torrent of curses and screams to come, but they never did. Instead, Jacob turned around and walked out. The slamming of the front door made her jump, yet everything still felt strangely surreal.

"I'm not having a really bad dream, am I?" Sam whispered, still staring at the doorway where her father had stood.

"I'm afraid that really just happened." Jack answered, running his hand through his mussed bed hair. "Damn."

"What are we going to do, Jack?"

He sighed and lay back on his pillow. "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"He knows! What if he tells General Hammond?" There was panic in her voice. The threat of being discovered always hung over them like a dark rain cloud and today seemed to be the day it was going to burst.

Jack shrugged. "So what if he does."

"You'll lose everything," she said, her voice softer now. Sam crawled out of bed and started fishing through a dresser drawer he had set aside for her things. "I'll lose everything."

"Who cares? Really. C'mon Sam. Look around you. We work our asses off to save this planet and what do we get? Nothing. A pat on the back and secret award services. I'm tired of putting my life on the line while bureaucrats play God. You say you'll lose everything, well I already have," he growled, pulling on boxers and walking out of the bedroom. Sam dressed in panties and a t-shirt followed him.

"I know you went through hell with Ba'al, Jack. I won't pretend to understand, but I need you to come back to me. Wherever you went to try to survive, you need to let go. You haven't lost everything. You still have me."

His back had been turned to her the entire time while he put bread in the toaster and started to measure out coffee. After a second he faced her and met her pleading gaze. "Do I? You were still trying to sort your life out when I left."

"Yes, you do. Seeing what Ba'al did to you…" her voice wavered. "Seeing what he did to you made me realize that we need each other now more than ever. I'm in, all the way."

He turned back around and finished setting up the coffee pot. "Okay. Then go handle your dad." Grabbing a plate from the top cupboard, he then met her eyes. "But if this goes down and Hammond finds out, I want you to let me take as much of the blame as I can. I don't care how many ways I have lie, I will not let you kill your career."

"Jack…"

"No arguments. This is my prerogative as your commanding officer and as your lover."

Knowing she wouldn't convince him otherwise, she nodded. "I'm going to probably head to the base first, see if he went there."

"You'll be here for team night tonight?"

A smile appeared on her previously somber expression. "Of course." She moved close and gave him a kiss on the lips. "I'll see you tonight, okay?" Jack squeezed her hand and she left to finish getting ready before heading to the SGC.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When she checked with the guard station on her way into the Cheyenne complex, she discovered her father had not returned to the base. Sam felt a little bit of relief but hesitated nonetheless as to whether or not she should turn around and head to her house, the only other place where Jacob would have gone. Deciding she needed time to figure out exactly what she was going to tell her father, and that he also needed to calm down, she headed down to her lab so that she could prep for the first experiment with the mirror the next day.

On her desk she found a stack of paperwork that Walter had no put together for her. Requisition forms, personnel requests, waivers, and other such needed items, although she doubted that the creators of the forms ever thought they would be used to allow her to search for alternate universes. Settling in her seat, she grabbed a pen and started filling them out. Every time she worked on forms she could hear her first commanding officer's voice in her head, "If it's not done in triplicate, it's not being done right." Sam smiled, she had really liked working with Colonel Ramos. He hated politicians, butt-kissers, and Celine Dion, but he loved his people and it made all the difference.

The first form was to request use of a secure room. The next form was to requisition safety items for the secure room. Her hand started cramping after the personnel form for the SFs, but she pushed forward until her hand went numb requesting heavier guns for her SFs than their standard issue ones. Leaning back in her chair she sighed and looked at her watch. She had only killed two hours. Sam knew she needed to deal with Jacob, she just didn't know _how_ she was going to deal with him.

"Paperwork! Looks like fun," Jonas said, walking into her lab. "I don't know why we don't have all those forms done electronically."

"At least my hand wouldn't be cramping," Sam replied, scooting her chair back. "What's up?"

"I was trying to figure out about tonight. I really wanted to make it something special for Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c suggested cake, so Susan is going to bake one and drop it off here before I leave."

"Susan?"

"Yeah, cute red-headed gate tech. She seemed really eager to help me out," Jonas said with a grin.

"I'll bet," Sam answered, rolling her eyes. "I don't know if the Colonel would want anything big. I mean, the cake is a great idea. I know you were thinking O'Malley's but why don't we just order some pizzas, have some beer…"

"Subdued," he paused in thought. "I think you're right. So, how'd the talk with your dad go?'

Her eyes got wide and her heart started pounding. How the hell did he know about…?

"I saw him leaving the base early this morning. He said he was stopping by the Colonel's place to have a one on one chat before lunch. I guess I assumed you saw your dad for… oh, I probably wasn't supposed to tell you…" he explained, looking sheepish.

"Uh, I- I don't know," she stammered, feeling a little weak as the adrenaline wore off. Jonas studied her for a moment.

"You do know don't you? From your expression I'm guessing it didn't go well."

Sam decided to play along, "No. You know how Colonel O'Neill is."

"Yeah, well… thanks for the input on the little get together tonight. I'll see you later."

As he walked out, she took in a couple of deep breaths. Today was not going at all how she had imagined. Resigning herself to her fate, she called Walter to let him know the bulk of the paperwork was done and he could come collect it at his convenience. Gathering herself she headed topside and began the arduous trek back to her house. Her father's rental car was parked out front and Sam pulled in behind it, gripping her steering wheel until her knuckles were white.

"You can do this," she coached herself. Cursing her trembling hands as she got her purse, she steeled herself and walked to her house. Her nervousness caused her to fumble momentarily with her keys at her front door, but when she entered her fear gave way to confusion as the smell of cooking food met her nose. Making her way towards her kitchen she found Jacob chopping a green bell pepper rather forcefully. Sam bit her lip, so much for him being calmed down.

"Dad?" she croaked out. Her father looked at her, but his expression was passive.

"Sam."

She leaned against the counter and watched him for a minute. "What are you doing?"

"I know you're not much for cooking so I thought I'd make you jambalaya. I know you have your team thing tonight, but it'll be just as good tomorrow," he answered, his gaze turned back to the vegetable that seemed to be absorbing his ire.

"We were going to have dinner tomorrow."

"I've decided to head back early. There were some things I left that I need to work on and since Jack isn't that keen on me anyway, I figure I might as well go." His voice was neutral, but Sam could sense the undercurrent of tension.

Inhaling deeply she decided to bring up the elephant in the room. "Dad, about this morning…"

"No. I don't want to hear it."

"What?" She furrowed her brow, perplexed. "You don't want me to explain?"

"No." His chopping became more pronounced. She slowly reached out and put a hand over the one that was holding the knife to make him stop.

"Please, let me explain."

Jacob looked up at her and his Tok'Ra eyes glowed brightly in fury. "If you want to fuck your commanding officer, that is your business, but you'd better not even try to justify it to me." She stepped back, unnerved, having never heard her father use such language directed at her before. Her father put his head down and closed his eyes, obviously trying to gather himself together. "I'm sorry. That was harsher than I intended."

"I was kind of expecting you to yell, actually," she said, timidly, her voice shaking.

He put the knife down and stepped back. "You're a grown woman, Samantha. I maybe angry, but frankly it's not my call. You know the rules and if you choose to disregard them, so be it. You're a combat seasoned officer with a PhD; you can make your own judgments."

"I'm sorry you found out. I didn't want to put you in this position." Her voice was still soft and she felt her eyes mist just a little.

"You haven't. As far as I'm concerned I know nothing. That's how I want it to remain. I'm not going to tell George, but if he asks me something directly, I'm not going to lie, so it's in your best interest to continue to treat me like I'm out of the loop. I won't cover for you, Sam."

Nodding, she crossed her arms in front of her and held herself tight. They stood facing each other and Sam felt her eyes sting as tears threatened. Pursing her lips, she blinked her eyes to try to contain herself and Jacob reached over to draw her close. "I'm so sorry, Daddy. I do love him, though." He didn't say a word, but not knowing what else to do he just barely swayed with her, stroking her hair.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Despite his stomach growling, Jack continued to lie on his couch flipping channels. He knew he ought to shower and get dressed, but he just couldn't seem to care enough. The apathy was so inviting, like a pair of well-worn shoes that conformed to his feet. How often had he come back to this place in his mind? The simple act of not caring let him forget, just for a little while, that the weight the world was on his shoulders. That he made decisions that affected others for better or worse. That he had given his soul over and over again to a cause that gave very little back. Ba'al hadn't destroyed him. Ba'al had just added to his scars and written one more chapter of his life. While others continued on with their lives, enjoying beautiful days and sweet nights, he struggled with evil and darkness, pain and bitterness etched onto his soul with acid.

Then, like aloe against his burned flesh, he saw Sam's face appear before him. He hadn't even heard his front door open.

"Hey, we need to get you ready. The guys will be here in a couple hours." Her voice awakened him out of his stupor like the brilliant strains of a morning hymn and he let her lead him towards the bedroom to the shower.

"How did you know I wouldn't be ready?" His voice was hushed as she worked on getting the water to the right temperature.

She smiled. "Because I know you." Sam helped him lift his shirt over his head and he removed his boxers. They stood facing each other for a moment and Sam let her index finger trace his chest over scars that had long since healed. "At least you don't have any new scars."

"That you can see."

Steam surrounded them and it became harder to breath. He gave her a light kiss before stepping into the shower. He heard the door close and he let the water run over him. Her tender touch had helped him in just the few moments she had been back. Although he knew it unlikely, there had been an irrational fear that the force with which he had made love to her the night before would push her away. Sam had been giving, refusing to let him focus on her, and demanding that he let himself experience their union the way he needed to. Jack had found raw emotion spilling into every thrust and every kiss and she had accepted without condition. He had to admit that today, regardless of Jacob, he had felt better than he had since he returned. Sam's arms had brought him hope, if only in a small amount, but it was more than what he had the day before.

Finishing his shower, he toweled off and dressed in the clothes Sam had thoughtfully placed on the toilet. The cool air hit him as he walked out and he found his lover in the kitchen putting dishes away. She turned and smiled at him. "Hey, you look better already."

"Feel better too."

"Showers will do that."

She closed the dishwasher and walked out towards his living room. He followed suit and they sat quietly on the couch. "So…" he started.

"So… Dad," she finished. "He's angry, which I suppose is to be expected, but he's not going to say anything."

Jack looked taken aback. "Really? I figured that not only would he be pissed, he'd want to rip me a new one."

"Believe me, I was surprised too. He just said that it was my life, my choice, and that he wanted to be left out of it. He said he wouldn't cover for me, but he wouldn't speak up either."

"How do you feel about it?"

Her smile was weak now and she broke the eye contact they had been sharing. "I knew he would be disappointed in me. I just didn't realize it would hurt this much. All I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me, I mean, I am my father's daughter."

He took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I'm sure he still is proud of you."

"Maybe," she answered, looking unsure. Shaking her head she opted to change the subject. "Let's see if we can't get this place cleaned up before Teal'c and Jonas get here."

Standing she started picking up random plates and bottles that had been there since before he'd left. Jack didn't try to stop her. Ordinary everyday things would help both of them get through their individual struggles. Ordinary everyday things would help them grow closer together. He chuckled to himself. Who would have thought that it would be in those ordinary everyday things he would find a reason to live?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The next morning, a group was gathered in an empty lab. Teal'c stood guard behind Sam with a zat gun, while Jonas stayed out of the way by leaning against the far wall with Jack who was perched on a stool. Technically he was supposed to be at home resting, but he had convinced Janet that this was a huge deal for Sam and he needed to be there as her commanding officer. The petite doctor didn't give him much argument, feeling that the distraction would help him from brooding anyway. The trinium cover was removed and her five SFs were alert and ready.

"Test run alpha zero zero one. The hypothesis is that when activated the blue crystal takes the variables from the current universe and uses them so that the red crystal can find a corresponding universe with the pre-set parameters. Currently we don't know which variables correspond to what, so my goal is to acquire enough data to compare universes and slowly figure out what means what." There was a hum of excitement in the air. "Everyone ready?"

The mirror came to life and the first image that shimmered into existence was a room in the SGC that looked like it had seen better days. Staff blasts marred the walls and it looked as though the facility had been abandoned years ago. Wanting to get accurate readings, Sam ran the dial to complete opposite spectrum and she found herself face to face with herself, except with long hair. The moment felt surreal and she awkwardly waved before quickly moving the dial mid center. It had been disconcerting to see herself and she wasn't sure what the etiquette was for coming face to face with her doppelganger. The mirror image was now of a sandy planet.

"I think that's the planet that SG-7 found the mirror on," Jonas said. "I remember the description from the report."

Sam turned to ask him a question and she missed the figure moving towards the mirror on the other side. The SFs had their guns at the ready. Suddenly Jack yelled, "Carter!" It was too late, though. The Jaffa had touched the mirror and come over to their side. Moving faster than the SFs he managed to get a shot off before being taken down.

"Get that damn mirror covered!" Jack ordered loudly realizing with a sick feeling that Sam had been hit. He was already off his stool and by her side trying to assess her wound while Jonas called for a med team. Teal'c slammed the cover in place and pulled the connectors off the controller, disconnecting the mirror.

"Carter, talk to me."

Her wound was on her shoulder and the heat from the blast had cauterized part of it, stemming the bleeding, but it looked nasty nonetheless. She gasped, fear in her blue eyes. "H-hurts," she managed to get out. Janet appeared at his side and motioned for him to get out the way which he did.

"Sam, can you hear me?"

"P-pain…"

"She's going into shock. Get her on the gurney now!"

The efficiency of the infirmary staff never failed to impress Jack. From the moment Sam had hit the floor to them getting her on the bed it had been less than five minutes. He chased the staff down the corridor listening to every order that came out of Janet's mouth. Jonas and Teal'c were behind him and when they got the infirmary, they stood by the door, out of the way of the staff. The difficult part was always in the waiting as they were all men of action and in these moments, they risked being nothing more than hindrances to a staff of people trained to handle medical crises.

"She's going to be fine," Jack said out loud to no one in particular. He was sure she was going to be okay. Almost sure. The wound hadn't been in a vital location and she had taken worse, of that he was certain. His back against the wall he closed his eyes trying to make sure he kept his emotions in check which had become difficult after his ordeal with Ba'al. He forced happy memories into his brain to try to calm him. Her touch, her satin skin moving against his body. Her voice, the small pants and the soft sighs. Her laugh, the sparkle in her blue eyes, the way she looked when she had figured out a problem.

"Colonel?" Janet's voice caused him to open his eyes. "She's stable. She'll probably be out of commission for a little while, but thankfully the staff blast hit where it did."

"Can we see her?" Jonas beat Jack to the question and Janet turned to face the alien.

"She's resting, but sure, go on in. I'm going to go inform General Hammond and see if I can catch her father before he leaves. I'm sure he'll want to see her."

Jack let the other two lead, compensating for his desire to knock down everyone in his way so he could see her. Jonas and Teal'c took to her left side and Jack sidled up opposite to them. Sam was sleeping peacefully and deciding to risk it, he brushed a piece of hair away from her face. While no one suspected a relationship between them, Jack knew there was no way for him to hide how much he cared about her.

"It would seem we would need more safety measures in place," Teal'c said, looking at his comrade.

"Maybe I can help out with that. I know that Sam's had a lot on her plate with the mirror, it's easy for this sort of stuff to get lost in the shuffle," the younger man volunteered. "It's hard to try to compensate for all the potential scenarios while programming an alien piece of technology."

Jack gave Jonas an appreciative glance at his initiative and desire to assist Sam. While he was no Daniel, he had all the makings of a fine SG-1 team member. The Kelownan knew he took the spot of a man of whose shoes he would never be able to fill and yet, Jonas was okay with that, safe in his own skin. Jack paused at the memory of Daniel and felt the ghost of a smile grace his lips. If he didn't know better, he would call Daniel his own private guardian angel. But of course, he knew better.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It took a moment for Sam's eyes to focus against the harsh fluorescent lighting, but she could make out the fuzzy shape of her father seated on a stool next to her bed.

"Dad? I thought you left…" she murmured groggily, blinking her eyes to try to clear them.

"You didn't think I would leave without saying goodbye did you? After this, I was going to stay, but then we got an urgent message from the Tok'Ra, so my travel plans would have changed regardless." Sam weakly nodded, her mouth feeling like cotton. She gave her father a pained look and he put a hand on her arm. "We may not see eye to eye on things, but I'm not angry." Her sharp intake of breath communicated her fear of being overheard. "We're alone, I asked Janet for some very special father daughter time."

"You seemed pretty angry," Sam responded, pushing herself up. "Not that I blame you."

Jacob shifted on the stool and looked at the floor momentarily before meeting her eyes again. "I worry about you. I don't agree with your choice and I can't even say I respect it, but you're still my daughter."

"I know I've disappointed you."

"I know my opinion means a lot to you, but at the end of the day, the only person you have to answer to is yourself. Whatever you choose to do in life, Samantha, it's ultimately you who has to live with it."

She nodded. "I know, Dad. I know the consequences and I'm okay with them."

He pursed his lips and leaned back a little. "I'm still proud of you. I want you to know that." They looked at each other for a moment before he stood up and placed a kiss on her forehead. "No matter what, you'll always be my little girl."

"That means a lot. I love you."

"I love you too."

Her father gave her hand a loving squeeze before exiting out into the corridor and heading towards the gate room. Despite the sick feeling in his gut with regards to what he had discovered during his brief visit, part of him was relieved to know. If he hadn't had Selmak, he probably would have raged against her and punched Jack out, but the wisdom of a two thousand year old symbiote gave him eyes to see that it wasn't his place. Letting her fall was one of the hardest things he felt he would ever have to do as a father, but Selmak comforted him with memories of fathers and daughters before him that were stronger because of it.

When Jacob entered the gate room he was surprised to see SG-1 waiting to see him off. The gate was dialing and he shook the hands of Teal'c and Jonas, thanking them for their assistance with Sam. At the base of the ramp he met Jack and the two paused before Jacob offered his hand.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you with your ordeal, Jack," he apologized. The other man looked mildly surprised which meant that he was startled as hell.

"I'll be all right. I didn't like the Tok'Ra anyway and now I have a valid reason," he responded gruffly.

Jacob gave him a knowing smile. "You know Jack, I could say the same thing about black ops." He let go of the man's hand and as the wormhole engaged, Jacob took a step forward, but stopped and turned back to face his daughter's paramour. "But I learned a long time ago that a man is more than his mistakes." Waving at General Hammond up in the control room, Jacob turned and disappeared through the watery event horizon.

TBC…


	8. Depend on Me

The door to the operating room flung open, causing Jack to shoot up from his chair suddenly. Janet's petite form blew past the three remaining members of SG-1, her eyes filled with flames of rage with hot tears threatening to spill over. Sam was the first on her feet behind the woman, followed by Teal'c and Jack.

"Janet!" she cried, chasing after the woman.

"I'm going to kill that son of a bitch! That bastard will be screaming for mercy when I finish with him," Janet yelled loudly, roughly shoving by several SGC personnel. Despite Jack's longer legs it took at least three turns in the corridor before he finally managed to catch up to the doctor. Grabbing her by the shoulders he whipped her around and was met with wet trails streaking down her cheeks.

"C'mon, Doc, talk to me," he urged. "What happened?"

"He's dead, Colonel. Jonas Quinn is dead and it's because of that worthless piece of shit Simmons!" she practically screamed, her body wracked with sobs. "I told him we needed to operate. I told him it had to be done right then, but he insisted on his doctor. He shoved me out and pulled rank and because of him my patient is dead." Sam placed a hand on her friend's shoulder as Janet collapsed against Jack, crying even harder. Her blue eyes met the hard brown eyes of her lover and she recognized the dangerous gleam in his expression. All the words Janet had spoken, he was feeling and it would take an act of God to keep him from using his black ops training to snap the man's neck like a twig.

"Carter, take Doctor Frasier to the commissary and get her something to drink. I'm going to go see General Hammond," he ordered, his voice deceptively calm. Sam nodded and gently pulled Janet away from Jack and allowed her friend to lean on her. "Teal'c you're with me." The Jaffa warrior nodded mutely and followed him as they stormed the rest of the way to Hammond's office.

The door was shut when they arrived, but that didn't stop Jack from throwing it open, marching in, and grabbing Simmons by the collar of his shirt while forcing him against the wall. The audible smack of the back of Simmons' head against the wall was perversely satisfying and it took all of Jack's self control not to attempt to make the sound repeat itself until there was blood.

"You slimy bastard. Give me one good reason I shouldn't rip your sorry ass head right from your body?" he growled and a vapor of fear passed through the bureaucrat's eyes before a sly smile crossed his lips which only caused Jack to lean on him harder.

"Colonel O'Neill, what the hell are you doing?" General Hammond barked, moving behind him. "Release him immediately."

"Jonas Quinn is dead and it is this man who is to blame," Teal'c replied. "If O'Neill lets him go, it is only so that I may disembowel him slowly allowing him to watch as his entrails are strewn and fed to the animals."

The fear returned to Simmons' eyes and manifested itself in his voice. "I had nothing to do with his death, General. I swear. My doctor looked at him and said he was okay for a little longer."

The General's eyes were steely as they narrowed on him. "I highly doubt you had nothing to do with it. Even still, we have military protocol for dealing with such negligence. Colonel O'Neill, I repeat, let him go."

Reluctantly Jack released his grip on Simmons and stepped back, his face contorted in disgust. "I want him brought up on charges sir. Murder at the very least."

"Colonel O'Neill, I assure you, I had nothing to do with this unfortunate tragedy. Had I known that Mr. Quinn was in such dire need of medical treatment, I would have allowed Doctor Frasier full access. The Pentagon was merely trying to see if his medical condition could be of use to us." The other men in the room simply glowered at him. "Now I need to make my full report and I promise I will ensure that the doctor that assisted me is severely punished." Like a snake, Simmons slithered from the room quickly before anyone could respond.

Jack spun around on his heels. "General, with all due respect, what the hell is going on here? I just lost a member of my team and a planet is now under the control of a megalomaniac Goa'uld because he scrubbed a mission he had no right to touch!" Jack shouted, waving his hand in the air in fury.

General Hammond took a seat by his desk and sighed. Normally he would have told Jack to calm down, but he found himself living vicariously through the Colonel's impudence. "That's where you're wrong, Jack. He has all the right in the world. The President has supported him as he power plays for the Gate and there's very little recourse for me. For the most part, he simply sends me 'suggestions' such as Major Carter's continued work on the quantum mirror or the occasional extra mission. I'll make my case to the President that he's gone too far this time, but I'm almost certain I'll be told that whatever Simmons was doing was in the best interest of national security." His eyes conveyed a sense of resignation and Jack suspected that he had fought a lot of battles and that he was finally becoming beaten down after having been a puppet for so long.

"What are we to do, General Hammond?" the Jaffa asked, stepping forward.

"Prepare a funeral and keep doing what we're doing," he answered sadly. "Keep your eyes and ears open. If there's any way to gain leverage over these people, I want to know."

"Yes sir." Jack's voice was sharp and Hammond knew he was angry as sin over what had transpired, but his hands were tied and that made it all the worse. The two SG-1 members exited his office and left him to contemplate his next move.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam's breathing was heavy as she lay on her back, satiated from intense love making. Her body felt sticky, but the air felt cool against her flushed skin and she inhaled deeply to try to calm her pounding heart. It still surprised her that although she'd been sleeping with Jack for years, the sex had only gotten hotter. Her mind was filled with countless touches, passionate bedroom trysts, and it connected her so intimately with him that simple looks across a conference table made her want to moan.

"That never gets old," he said, his own breath jagged.

"The sex or our friends dying?" she asked somberly.

"Both." Tonight's encounter had been rough as both expressed an ire that had left them feeling helpless. Teeth marks grazed Jack's shoulder and Sam was sure she would be sore the next day. She listened to the sound of the ceiling fan whirring methodically. Then, she pulled up the sheet to cover herself and closed her eyes.

"Going to sleep?" Jack asked.

"Thinking about it."

Unexpectedly she felt him roll over and wrap his arms around her, pressing his damp torso against her. "Today was hard."

"Yeah," she responded, letting herself snuggle closer to him. "I can't believe he's dead. First Daniel, then Jonas… and this one didn't need to happen. Do you get the feeling that there's a lot more going on than we know about?"

"I know there's a lot more going on than we know about," he paused. "Hammond told me that Simmons has been handing down 'suggestions' and it's expected that he's going to follow them."

"So he's the kiss-ass behind my mirror project?"

"Most likely."

Sam pulled away and sat up, leaning her head on her knees. "Simmons maybe slimy but he's smart. I'm nervous about what he's up to."

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Besides, I think Simmons likes you – look how much funding you get for your mirror project. You ask, they pay. I know about a dozen scientists in the labs that would kill to have a blank check like yours."

"Exactly! Why would they do that? Kinsey was always complaining about how much money was being sunk into this program. Seriously, in the last year have you heard _anyone_ ask about our funding?"

An uncomfortable look crossed Jack's face. "No, but I mean, we have saved Earth a few times."

"I thought that too until this situation with Jonas. Janet had him on the operating table when Simmons ordered her and her doctors out. Something happened in there, I know it. I think Jonas saw something, maybe something he wasn't supposed to see."

"You think they murdered him? What could he have possibly seen? Half his images didn't make sense anyway. Without context the visions are meaningless."

Chewing on her lip, Sam contemplated his response. "Maybe. I don't know."

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "Do what you need to do, Sam. Just be careful."

"I will," she said with a sad smile. "I'm glad we were able to be together tonight. I needed this."

"Me too."

Sam allowed herself to be pulled down onto the bed and let her fears and worries melt away into Jack's body as she let sleep take over.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The funeral was put together in three days. They had sent word to the Kelownans, but they had received no response, so they decided to "bury" Jonas in the vortex of the wormhole. It seemed fitting somehow to make the Stargate a tribute to his life, a tangible way to be reminded of the friend they had lost. Sam stood stoically to the side as the casket was brought in and hoisted onto a platform in front of their Stargate. Jack stood next to her and she was sure he felt the same desire to try to find and hold her hand, but they remained stiff, perfect soldiers.

Putting together a service for Jonas had been difficult. In the short time they had known him, he had expressed an idea that he thought it likely there was a higher power, but he spoke little of religion. In the end they decided to give him military honors sans any word from the chaplain and a simple speech from Teal'c. General Hammond had approached Jack first, but Jack had privately turned the obligation over to the Jaffa feeling that the two had truly bonded.

Now the Jaffa stood tall before the small crowd of base personnel. It felt wrong somehow and infinitely unfair that such a charismatic, friendly, intelligent person would only be remembered by a few. Sam privately vowed that should the SGC ever become public, his name would never be forgotten, even if she had to talk about him over and over again.

"Jaffa children are taught the art of combat from birth. Many go on to be strong warriors, but the great warriors are those who have mastered the art of the mind. Jonas Quinn was a great warrior. In a galaxy where there is much evil and much to be feared, he saw hope. For his courage in battle, for his strength in struggle, for his wisdom and knowledge, may his name be sung by a thousand generations."

The iris opened and the gate began to dial. Sam had suggested they dial Kelowna as it seemed a way to send him home. The whoosh from vortex engulfed the casket, leaving behind nothing. As suddenly as Jonas had entered their lives, he was gone.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

It had taken three months of "fiddling" with the remote before Sam had collected enough data to start deciphering the parameters within the mirror device. Jonas' death hadn't hit her quite yet despite a week having passed, so she decided to make use of her time in denial to work on the project that she now abhorred because it had Colonel Simmons' hands all over it. General Hammond had offered more down time, but she had declined it, which had surprised him, but since she was good at taking her time off, he let it slide. Jack hadn't even bothered her about her decision to work.

The computer was in split-screen with hundreds of multi-colored lines intertwining. Somehow, viewing the variables as threads made it easier for her to wrap her mind around it. After another hour of calculation she looked at the clock and realized that it was almost lunch time. Before heading to the commissary, Sam checked her e-mail looking for calculations from the Area 51 crew that would help her decipher just a few of the strands she was analyzing. She was slightly irked that they had not yet arrived, but her irritation was pushed to the side at the arrival of another e-mail message with a title that referenced several dead system lords. The address looked fake, but the subject line told her that whoever had sent it had intimate knowledge of her history on SG-1. Intrigued, she opened the file.

 _Call immediately._

Sam hesitated momentarily before picking up the phone and dialing in the number.

"Hello?" The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn't place it just yet.

"I was directed to call this number. This is Major Samantha Carter," she replied, her voice a little softer than the normal conversational tone.

There was a pause on the other end. "Meet me at Poor Richard's at 1730. Do not tell anyone about this meeting."

"You know, this cloak and dagger thing doesn't really work for me. Why should I even bother meeting with you?" Six years ago as a young Captain, Sam might have been cowed into secret meetings with strange men, however, with a few system lords dead and covert operations an everyday thing, her skepticism kept her from the melodrama that seemed to naturally occur.

"It's about what they did to Jonas. I have information," the voice said. Now the familiarity was painful to her but still the identity eluded her. Great, she thought to herself, it was going to bother her the rest of the day and no doubt interfere with her ability to do any complex mathematical equations.

"All right, but no funny business." She smirked at her statement. Ah, score one for the cheap dime mystery novels. The call was ended abruptly as whoever was on the other end disconnected just in time as Janet walked into her lab. "Janet!"

"Hey, Sam. I just came to see if you wanted to grab something to eat."

"I was just on my way actually. Just tying up a few things," she answered, standing up. The two walked from the lab to the commissary which was serving meatloaf that looked less than appetizing. Still, Sam thought it had more potential that the MREs she was stuck with on a regular occasion. A glop of mashed potatoes (no doubt from powder) rounded out her meal, then she headed to where Janet was already seated, nursing a cup of coffee and playing with what appeared an egg salad sandwich.

"Colonel Simmons finally left today," Sam started, hoping to prod her friend into opening up.

"I can't believe he had the nerve to stay as long as he did. I swear it's a good thing he didn't sustain any injuries while he was here otherwise you might have been called as a witness in my murder trial," Janet answered dryly. "You know, it took two years of therapy for me to let go of the anger against my ex-husband, I'm starting to think that it'd take me the rest of my natural life to get over my rage towards that bastard Simmons."

The blonde shook her head. "Jonas' death was meaningless and served no purpose. The funeral seemed so empty. Everything just seems so wrong!"

"Well, I thought Teal'c's speech was comforting. As annoying as his enthusiasm could be, I have to admit that it was helpful on more than one occasion when everything just seemed a little too dramatic," the doctor replied with a smile at the memories. "How are Teal'c and the Colonel?"

The first image that came to Sam's mind was of the lovemaking her and Jack had experienced the night after Jonas' death. It had been passionate and ardent for both of them as they worked out their anger, frustration, and guilt with each other through physical expression. Since then, they hadn't been able to see each other so she had no idea what he was feeling behind the expressionless mask he kept in front of base personnel. As for Teal'c, he had requested time to visit his son and had left right after the funeral.

"These are the times I miss Daniel the most," she admitted with a sigh. "I struggle with two men who think emotions are good enough for everyone except them."

Janet gave her a sympathetic look before putting down her sandwich and giving it a resigned frown. "I'm a doctor. I spend most of my time convincing people to do what it is they should be doing and yet, here I am, unable to finish half a sandwich. I've been running on caffeine and power bars… I guess maybe it's like that for them, you know? They know what it is you're supposed to do, but they're bad at taking their own advice."

"At the end of the day we're all human," Sam said, looking at her own barely touched meal. After a few moments of silence the two women gave up and headed back towards their respective workplaces.

The hours seemed to crawl by as Sam anticipated whatever she was going to find out at her meeting that afternoon would be a bombshell. Having things shrouded in secrecy gave her moments of wishing she had followed her little five year old heart and become a florist. Flowers were uncomplicated. They didn't talk. They were expected to wilt having fulfilled their purpose in just looking nice. They didn't have regulations that kept two people from being together. They didn't have conspiracies or power struggles. They just grew, sat in vases, and smelled nice. Finally, after having accomplished close to nothing, she was able to gather her things and make it to Poor Richard's at least fifteen minutes before she was supposed to be there.

The bar seemed both an odd and yet perfectly reasonable choice. On one hand it was close to the base, meaning two officers wouldn't look out of place, however, if the information really was sensitive, they were in the presence of many, many witnesses. Then she saw him, and when she did, it clicked. The voice, the location, and even how he got his information.

"Paul, really, was this necessary?" she chided Major Davis as he sat down, still dressed in his blues.

He gave her an apologetic look and took the seat next to her, as opposed to across from her. It seemed much more intimate than usual. "I don't do black ops, Sam. I get most of my clues on how to do this through bad spy movies," he joked, but his face was anything but amused. "The truth is I've never been on this side before."

"You're being cryptic. I can't help you if you won't be straightforward."

"In the next couple of days you're going find out that I've been attached to the SGC has a permanent liaison from the Pentagon," he started before taking a sip of his beer. "My entire purpose is to basically report back everything that I see that doesn't make it into official reports. I've known for a while now that there's some sort of bigger game being played here and so I've been ingratiating myself to whomever just so I can be this person."

Sam was about to interrupt, but he held up a hand to stop her. "Jonas Quinn's death was an accident in so far as they never meant for him to actually die, however, for them, whoever they are, the ends justify the means. If one man dies and we gain something, then the price was worth it." Paul leaned back and ran his hand through his hair. "Jonas saw something. I don't know what, but whatever it was, it rocked Colonel Simmons. When I met with him the other day he had this crazed look in his eyes and was asking me all sorts of personal questions about the SGC staff, particularly about you."

"Me?" She furrowed her brow and fingered the napkin in front of her. "I mean, I've been working on the mirror project for years now. Is he concerned that I'm not working fast enough?"

Her companion shook his head. "No, it wasn't that kind of crazed. He was power-hungry. Like a mad scientist, pardon the analogy, that had just discovered some secret that was going to make him very rich and very powerful. Simmons knows what he's looking for, but judging from his attitude, he doesn't have a time frame. The higher-ups know that I have a positive working relationship with SG-1 that they can't seem to cultivate so I'm their mole."

"What kind of questions was he asking?"

"A lot of them were about your relationships. Had I heard you were seeing anyone? Were you known to have dalliances with aliens? I told him you'd had admirers but that you weren't a female Captain Kirk."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the glowing review."

"No sweat. Anytime," he said with a grin. "I don't know who to trust, but I know I can trust SG-1 at the very least, you most of all. Whatever is being planned… whatever is supposed to happen, I just have a really bad feeling about. I'm going to keep digging, see if I can't get some evidence, but I wanted you to be aware of what I was supposed to be doing. I'm going to have to feed information back to the Pentagon, so if you can help in any way, it would be appreciated."

She nodded in agreement. "I know this is hard for you Paul. You have a family and I know you're putting yourself on the line for us. You've also always gone to bat for us and for that you have my trust. I'll let Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c know."

"Thanks, Sam," he answered, looking at his drink rather forlornly. "These people are smart. In the beginning I thought if they were anything like Kinsey, we'd be fine, but these guys know how to play the game. Kinsey was a putz with his own agenda. He let emotions get in the way. The people running this show know that you guys are good at what you do and know you're not easily replaced. They're willing to be patient to get what they need to control you."

"I'll watch my back, don't worry about me. You just focus on taking care of yourself."

He sighed before pushing his beer away and making the motions of starting to get up. "This may sound silly, but while I may not be a part of SG-1, I've always thought of you all as friends. I've got your six, as you all say in the field." Now he stood up completely. "I'll be in touch."

Few batted an eye at the Major as he walked out of the bar. Sam continued to sit, the napkin now in shreds. Though her face was a mask of calm, underneath she was like a stormy sea. Desperately she wished she knew what Jonas had seen in his last minutes and it pained her to know that he probably had been halfway aware of his vision and yet was helpless to do anything to stop the information from being used. For a brilliant mind like his, the delirium must have been maddening. Her eyes stung a little and she closed them to will them back in. Later, she would let herself weep; after she had told Jack everything, she would let him hold her and would let the tears flow forward like a rushing river as she mourned for not only her lost friend, but also for the way his memory was being abused.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

General George Hammond felt as though he had beaten his head against a brick wall for the last hour. The entire debacle with Jonas Quinn's death had been a thorn in his side and unfortunately it didn't appear as though he would receive a satisfactory resolution to the situation. It took three days before he was able to get a hold of the President, but the leader of the free world took a laid back approach. It was aggravating to say the least.

He had disliked Colonel Simmons from the moment the man had set foot on his base. He was a desk jockey, never seen combat, and had managed to maneuver his career in such a way that he was able to always be one step away from someone influential. It helped, of course, that his father had been a major contributor to whatever politician had the most weight at the time. Now, Colonel Simmons had taken the mantle from his father and kept the pockets lined of whoever was the best person to be close to. His shrewdness made him difficult to pin down. Kinsey had been like a club, simply beating whatever was in his way. Simmons was a surgeon. He knew what he needed and where he needed to be to gain his authority.

With all the fervor Hammond could, he waxed poetic about Jonas Quinn. He spoke of the young alien's loyalty and his intelligence. The man had been a gift after the loss of Daniel Jackson and they needed minds like his. His death wasn't merely a tragedy, but a horrible mistake that was the result of negligence by a man who had nothing but his own interests at heart. The President responded with platitudes and apologies, but finally said that he'd spoken to Simmons and was assured it had all been an accident. Then, before ending the call, he informed Hammond that it was best if he learned to work with Simmons as he would be continuing to work closely with the SGC.

A knock came at his door and he wasn't entirely surprised to see Major Paul Davis enter at his beckon.

"Sir."

"Major, I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow." He let a smile cross his face, if there was one person from the Pentagon he respected, it was Major Davis.

"I know, sir, but I wanted to get an early start. I know that the check in with the Alpha site would due here soon and I wanted to be present."

Hammond stood up and motioned towards the opposite door that faced the conference room. "You're just in time; I was just about to head down there."

The two exited his office and headed down the steps to the control room. Walter was in his place and the Stargate had already locked three of the seven chevrons. Per his usual custom, the sergeant was calling out the numbers and at the sound of the familiar whoosh, declared the frequency to the Alpha site was open.

"This is General Hammond, please respond," he said into the microphone, his Texan drawl more pronounced with his louder volume.

"Colonel Maynard reporting, sir."

"I'm listening."

There was a pause at the other end. "Everything has been going smoothly with the military personnel sir. However… the Tok'Ra are leaving, sir. We tried to convince them to stay, but there's been too much in-fighting."

"Why didn't you call earlier with this information?" General Hammond's voice had a rough edge of frustration.

"We'd hoped we could try to keep them here; even this morning it looked as though we might have talked Jacob Carter into it, but they came to us about an hour ago letting us know they'd found a suitable planet."

"Is there any way you can send a Tok'Ra delegate here so that we might negotiate with them?"

Another long pause. "Garshaw has agreed to visit. She'll come through later this afternoon; there are a few loose ends she wants to tie up here."

"Very well. See if you can't get them to agree to stay until after the talk."

"Yes, sir."

"Hammond out."

The wormhole disengaged and Hammond let out a sigh. Glancing at Major Davis, he saw the younger man's trouble expression and wished he had words to encourage him, but the problem was he didn't have any words to encourage himself. This week just kept getting better and better.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The beer felt cool against her throat while the tears felt hot against her cheeks. Finally, two days after Major Davis told her about the Pentagon's scheme, Sam had her breakthrough. These tears were different than so many before, she didn't feel helpless or broken; she just felt a deep sense of loss that was somehow soothed through the trembling of her body. Her doorbell rang and knowing it was Jack, she didn't even try to pretend that she was okay. When she opened the door, he said nothing but gave her a hug, nuzzling his nose into her neck. Unlike the night of Jonas' death, their connection wasn't filled with red hot anger, but with calm, black water that made them feel as though they were the only two people in the world.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to you sooner," he whispered into her ear. Since their night together, that's all she'd had to sustain herself. Now, in his arms, she felt herself being restored. Jack kissed her neck and then very slowly kissed her lips, savoring the taste of her strawberry lip gloss.

"You're here now," she answered breathlessly between kisses. "Jack, we need to talk."

He stepped back and surveyed her for a moment. "Whenever I hear those words there's always bad news."

"It's not about us this time," she responded, squeezing his hand. "Well, okay sort of, but it's not going to change our relationship. I'll grab you a beer."

They parted and Jack made himself comfortable on the couch and was pleased when Sam sat close to him. His beer was already thoughtfully uncapped and they both took a moment to enjoy their beverages.

"I spoke with Paul Davis a couple of days ago," she started, dropping her eyes down. "He had some really disturbing information." Jack sat in silence, drinking his beer, listening as she recounted what she had been told. Her blue eyes were bloodshot from her previous tears and there was definite worry in her voice. "I don't know what to do, Jack."

"Well, for one, I would recommend not worrying about it."

Sam blinked in surprise. "What?"

"You have a lot you're dealing with right now. Just focus on grieving. Let me do the undercover work."

"I don't need you to take care of me," she retorted. "I'm not a child."

He sighed and put down his beer. "Sam, this has nothing to do with your ability to take care of yourself. It's okay to rely on other people from time to time. Especially when they have a history in a particular area and lots of contacts."

"You mean like you?" There was a hint of sarcasm.

"Actually, yes. Sam, when we're on the field, I rely on you to watch my six, to jerry rig very advanced alien technology, and to generally save my ass on a regular occasion. Consider this me just repaying a favor." Jack's obvious teasing made her lose whatever irritation was bubbling under her skin. As a smile broke across her face, out he leaned over and captured her lips with his, not giving her a chance to rebut his statement.

The human touch made Sam feel alive and without even thinking she pulled him onto herself, wedging her tightly between him and the couch. Their fluid movements definitely made her hot, but there was a level of security in their dance.

"Oh Jack," she hissed against his ear as he pressed hard against her. He pushed himself up to look into her face and brushed a stray piece of blonde hair from her forehead.

"As comfortable as your couch is, I think we could do better on your bed," he propositioned with a boyish grin. Nodding, her face flushed and her breathe heavy, Jack pulled her up and led her back to the bedroom and as he began touch her in painfully exquisite ways, Sam felt her fears fade. No matter what happened, at that moment, in the tender care of his hands, she was home.

TBC…


	9. Young Thing

Warm breath tickled Sam's neck and a lazy smile graced her delicate mouth. With a small moan she snuggled closer to her paramour and a full, satisfied sigh escaped her lips when she felt him start to nibble on her ear. Smooth, unworn fingers found their way underneath the bottom hem of her cotton tank top and splayed themselves firmly against her stomach. Instantly she tensed up, the beginning embers of arousal doused with the cold water of terror. Flipping over, her blue eyes met the sleepy brown eyes of…

"Who the hell are you?" she shouted, jumping out of bed and taking a defensive stance.

"Sam, what's going on?" the strange teenager asked, sitting up, ruffling his hair.

"How do you know my name? Who are you?" she repeated grabbing her cell phone off the night stand.

The young man sat up and was about to answer when he caught his image in the vanity mirror above Jack's dresser. "Sam? Please tell me there's a reason I look like my high school yearbook. Tell me I'm having a horrible, horrible nightmare or this is one of our allies' idea of a practical joke."

The manner coupled with the tone caused realization to dawn on Sam and she lowered her cell phone while gingerly approaching the fifteen-year old. "Jack?"

"Last time I checked, although from what I'm seeing I apparently de-aged," Jack answered, the slightest bit of panic echoing in his words, although to the untrained ear it would seem more like sarcasm.

"This is impossible," she murmured, her blue eyes studying him as though he were one of the devices in her lab.

Jack stood up and swore as his boxers started to fall down past his waist. Not that he had anything she hadn't already seen, but then again, she hadn't known him as a teenager. Suddenly he felt very naked and he held the top of his boxers tightly against him. "I'm going to say 'possible' unless this is a hallucination in which case, this is one bad trip."

Snapping out of her daze, in one fluid motion, Sam had removed her night clothes and was putting on BDUs. "We have to get you to Janet. She'll know what to do, she can run tests." Her movements were methodical but urgent and it took Jack a moment before he was able to grab hold of her arm.

"Sam, you can't take me in. It'll look suspicious."

She froze, her eyes narrowed in concentration. "I'll call Daniel. I was supposed to pick him up for breakfast this morning, so I'll just tell him I stopped by here to see if you wanted to join us. This way I can drive you to the base."

For a moment she thought he would protest, but he nodded and moved to his closet to find clothes. He rifled through his closet while Sam made the phone call to Daniel and he wrinkled his nose as he pulled out an oversized t-shirt. Well, oversized for his current condition. Knowing he didn't have any pants that would fit him, he grabbed the first pair of jeans and a belt. When he was finally dressed, he found Sam in his kitchen pouring coffee, which she barely kept down when she saw him.

"I'm sorry. I know this isn't funny…" she apologized, unsuccessfully attempting to hide her grin. "You're just so darn cute."

Jack gave her a glare and poured himself a cup of coffee but paused as he noticed Sam was watching him intently. "What?"

"Don't drink too much of that, it'll stunt your growth."

"Carter, so help me, I'm already going to get hell from Daniel…"

"Sorry, sir."

He finished pouring his cup and took a sip while she started to put on some shoes. Their morning routine complete, they headed out to the truck where they both headed towards the driver's side.

"Jack…"

"It's my truck." Sam felt a shudder go down her spine at his very determined gaze. Thank goodness Jack O'Neill was her lover and not her teenage son. She momentarily pitied the woman she imagined was a saint.

"Yes and we have to get through base security."

"Fine," he muttered, heading to the other side. "But don't change anything. I have it set just the way I like it."

Sam rolled her eyes, but nodded. They rode in silence and Sam tried not to push the speed limit but found herself with a lead foot nonetheless. She parked (not without a few grunts from him) and Jack sulked behind her as they approached check in which made him seem more like the teenager he physically resembled.

"Who's the kid, Major?" Airman Roberts asked swiping Sam's badge. "I'll need authorization in order to let him on base."

"That 'kid' is Colonel Jack O'Neill to you," Jack snapped, glaring. "And I need to get to see good Doc Frasier ASAP so I can get the needle part over and done with."

Roberts eyed him warily and looked at Sam who nodded with a tight-lipped smile. "S-Sorry, sir. I, um, I'll just need to call General Hammond and get clearance."

Jack wanted to shoot his mouth off again, but he clenched his jaw shut. The airman was just doing his job and Jack recognized his irritation was rooted in the fact that he was currently reliving the least interesting part of his life. He let out a sigh and Sam gave him a sympathetic look while Roberts made his call.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Daniel had gotten used to the rather constant and annoying sense of déjà vu. Every corner turned, every conversation had, hell even the coffee, triggered images of him doing it before. Most of his most important memories had returned and even his mundane ones seemed to have filed themselves in places in his brain that were easily accessible. Still, the sensation was disorienting and made him feel out of place so he decided to stop by Sam's lab. Their friendship was a comfort to him as he relived the life and death of so many faces, the hardest being Sha're's. The mourning had started over for him because for some frustrating reason his memories of working through the grief didn't duplicate the emotions. There had been so many dark times before, nights that he had cried himself to sleep aching for the voluptuous form of his wife, the taste of her skin, the erotic lilt of her voice in the dark. Those nights had returned and this morning he had found the strongest coffee he could and was now on his third cup.

Stepping into Sam's lab he found his curiously dark. He stepped in a few paces confused as he knew that they were preparing to send a team through the quantum mirror in a couple of days. A fuzzy memory from that morning started to form in his brain. After the nightmares last night he'd fallen into a deep sleep and hadn't aroused until his phone had started ringing with that hellish shrill. In a stupor he'd answered and Sam told him she wasn't picking him up. Something about Jack and teenagers. The light came on suddenly and he spun around to see General Hammond standing in the doorway.

"Doctor Jackson, I thought I might find you here. Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill are in the conference room."

"I remember Sam calling me this morning, but my memory of it is a bit foggy." Daniel confessed as he pushed his glasses up.

"I think you'd better see for yourself."

Daniel found Sam, Teal'c, and a teenager sitting around the conference room table looking rather uneasy. Taking a sip of coffee he took a seat across from the youth. "So we've decided to institute bring your kid to work day or are we helping him with a science project about UFOs?"

"Very funny Daniel. It's me!"

"Do I know you?" he raised an eyebrow and then glanced at Sam and at General Hammond.

"I'm Jack for cryin' out loud!" the kid shouted, clearly exasperated. "I'm really getting tired of going through this with every single person I meet today."

"Anyone want to tell me what's happening?"

As the archaeologist took a seat, Jack recounted his morning experience, carefully editing the story so that Sam showed up at his door and not in his bed. Sam's face looked grim the entire time and she was fighting her churning stomach as she realized that this entire scenario was going to require a careful investigation of Jack's house and his activities the night prior. Unfortunately one of those activities had included her.

"You didn't accidentally eat any strange foods or beverages?"

"Why yes, Daniel, now that you mention it there was a table with a bottle that said 'drink me'," he retorted with rising anger.

Just then Janet walked in. "I came as soon as I could, sir. Captain Jefferson needed some extra attention after the staff blast he took…" Her words trailed off as she noticed fifteen year old Jack sitting at the table. "Sir?"

"We have a situation, Doctor. It seems for some inexplicable reason that Colonel O'Neill has regressed thirty years," Hammond responded. "And before you ask, we're fairly certain this is Jack O'Neill."

Six years ago she would have paused to take in the information, but with the Stargate, just about everything seemed routine. "I'll start with DNA analysis; see what we can turn up. We'll have to do some blood work and I'd like to run some scans."

"Do it," Hammond ordered. "Until we have the test results, I'd like you all to head down to the infirmary just to rule out any potential biological issue."

"Aye, sir," Sam responded, echoed by Teal'c and Daniel.

"And in the mean time, I'd like to find some clothes that actually fit," Jack spoke up, pulling his jeans up again.

Despite the situation, SG-1 found themselves fighting snickers at Jack's predicament and quickly left the conference room to make their way to the infirmary.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A few hours later SG-1 plus Janet Frasier met again in the conference room. The expression on her friend's face troubled Sam as it tended to indicate she had run into a problem for which there was no simple solution or any apparent cause. Being that they dealt with aliens on a daily basis, it seems that they ought to have gotten used to it, but still, no matter the issue, the frustration level was always the same. Sam shifted in her seat and blinked, a sense of exhaustion overwhelming her. She'd been in her lab after giving blood to Janet and she must have worked herself harder than she thought. Her eyes felt heavy, but she fought the urge to put her head down.

"The DNA is a match, sir. The test would hold up in any court of law. The only thing I can find that's strange is an anomaly that I can't explain. I don't know if that's a result of the reverse aging or the cause. I think our best bet is to do some more research and contact our allies."

Sam spoke up. "We could head over to the Colonel's house; see if we can't take some samples."

"Do it. In the mean time I'll send out a message to the Asgard and the Tok'Ra, between the two of them there might be a possible explanation."

They were dismissed and as they walked down the corridor and up to the surface, Jack tried to ignore the many looks they were getting. He didn't blame them, the few times he'd caught his reflection he'd wanted to scream like a little girl. Thankfully the age reverse had stopped short of the painful voice changing part of puberty. Topside, he instinctively started towards his truck.

"Sir…" Carter said with a bit of hesitancy, remembering that morning. "I think it might be best if we take my car."

"Oh for crying out loud. I haven't forgotten how to drive," he retorted, knowing he should concede, but feeling sore nonetheless. The argument with Sam this morning had not helped him feel any better about his predicament.

"Yeah, but Jack, but you haven't gotten your learner's permit yet, so you're going to have to let big kids drive you," Daniel teased earning the evil eye from his comrade.

"I still remember all my combat skills, Danny-boy, so don't push it." He at least managed to snag the front passenger seat for the drive back to his house. It wasn't a long trip and when they entered his house they were hit with the sour stench of left-over Chinese. Sam cringed as she remembered exactly why they had forgotten to throw it out the night before.

"Geez, Jack, seriously, didn't your mother ever teach you to clean up after yourself?"

"Well if she were still around, I'd let you call her so she could ground me. Can we focus on the situation at hand here?" Glancing around, he made a command decision. "Teal'c, Daniel, you guys focus up here, Carter and I will check the bedroom."

Sam followed obediently knowing that he was trying to keep Teal'c and Daniel from discovering anything incriminating. Despite their best efforts at keeping their illicit romance a secret, it was virtually impossible to account for every piece of evidence. Once in the safety of the bedroom, they started through the motions of looking through drawers, neither one really sure of what it was they were searching for. Sam found herself eyeing the bed out of the corner of her eye wondering if she could convince Jack to let her have just a minute to close her eyes.

"Sam," Jack started in a low voice, moving near his lover, causing her to refocus her attention. "I know this is strange."

Her blue eyes met his brown ones and they considered each other for a moment. "Yeah, it's definitely strange. I mean, I know it's you in there, but I see…"

"A kid. I know. Look if this is permanent, I want you to know I won't hold it against you if you want to stop being together," he said, looking uncomfortable.

Sweetly, she placed a hand on his arm. "Why don't we focus on this problem and deal with that when and if it is actually an issue." Sam's stomach flipped a little. Her entire social conditioning told her that this was a boy, someone morally off limits. The truth was she refused to even let herself contemplate the possibility that this was anything but temporary.

"You know it's a shame that this is so awkward," Jack said, breaking the silence. "Because I'd forgotten exactly how horny teenage boys were and every time I see you walk, Carter, I really, really hate this situation."

Heat started to rise in her cheeks.

"Hey guys find anything?"

Jack turned around casually and Sam gave herself a second before following suit, praying that her cheeks did not look as red as they felt. "No. Everything seems pretty normal in here," she responded. Jack started playing with a lamp on his bed stand when suddenly he blinked and took a few steps back.

"Whoa."

"What is it O'Neill?" Teal'c asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I just had a weird flashback. There were lights and I am most certain I saw an Asgard."

"Asgard? Are you sure?" Daniel said, looking perplexed. "Why would they take you and reverse your age. It doesn't make any sense."

"I think we'd better get back to the base and see if General Hammond has had any luck contacting our little grey friends," Jack answered before making his way out of the bedroom. SG-1 followed, hoping there were some answers to be had.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The follow up briefing with Hammond was no more enlightening than their search of Jack's house. Daniel and Teal'c decided to try to find some similar alien abduction stories that matched Jack's flashback and had headed down to Daniel's office. Now Sam and Jack stood in General Hammond's office as Jack tried to convince the General to let him do the X-302 training seminar.

"Look, I know you're the best we have, but how are you going to convince a bunch of fighter pilots to listen to you?"

"At some point sir, they're going to figure out that things around here are a little different than most places. Might as well learn now."

Sam stood off to the side listening to the two go back and forth. The truth was, she could honestly care less at that moment, she just wanted the discussion to be over so she could lie down until the training. Three days of staying up until 4 am to work on the mirror, then one night with Jack had been a really stupid combination.

"Sir, I think Colonel O'Neill's right," she finally said, causing both men to look at her with surprise. "They need to get used to seeing things that are different and if I'm honest sir, I'm feeling rather drained after the entire ordeal today. I've been pulling long nights trying to get the quantum mirror ready for the mission in a couple of days."

"Very well," General Hammond replied with a sigh. "Dismissed."

The two exited the office together and started down the corridor. "Thanks for backing me up in there."

"I just thought you happened to be right, sir," she said. "Besides, no one likes a mopey teenager."

"Watch it Carter," he warned playfully. "So what team is going through the mirror?"

"SG-13, Colonel Dixon's team. Apparently he's a thrill seeker," she said with a grin, which was then followed by a yawn. "If you'll excuse me sir, I really need to get some sleep."

"Go, sleep, rest, we need that brain of yours in pique condition!"

"Yes sir!" The grin Jack flashed her shadowed the older version of himself and as she watched him walk away, Sam could definitely see the O'Neill gait in his step.

She made her way to some private quarters where the sight of the military bed had never looked so appealing to her. Within seconds of her eyes closing she was fast asleep and Sam slept soundly for several hours before a loud knock came at the door.

"Sam? Sam, it's me, Janet."

Feeling slightly groggy, although rested, Sam sat up and blinked to clear the sleep from her eyes. Orienting herself, she went to the door and opened up to meet the worried face of Janet Frasier. "Hey, what's up?"

"Can we talk for a second?"

Stepping back, Sam allowed Janet access to the small room and the doctor closed the door behind her. In her hands she held several folders, but Sam was still too fuzzy to try to figure out what they were for in order to get a hint as to what had Janet so worked up.

"Is this about Colonel O'Neill?" she asked. "Did the geneticists figure something out?"

Janet bit her lip as though trying to figure out what to say next. "The Colonel's condition is worse than we thought. His body is becoming unstable at the cellular level. If we don't find a treatment soon, we're going to lose him."

The news hit Sam in the gut and she sat down on the bed. "Surely the Asgard will have something they can do for him."

"We haven't heard from the Asgard, Sam. I do know we have the Tok'Ra coming in shortly to see what they can do, so we'll just have to hold our breath." Janet reached out and put a hand on her friend's arm as she took a seat next to her. "I didn't come here about Colonel O'Neill, though."

"Did you find something in my blood work?"

Janet nodded. "You're pregnant."

"What?" Sam stared at Janet incredulously. "How is that possible? I've been getting my shot like clockwork!"

"Assuming a fault with the birth control, is it possible that you could be pregnant?"

She nodded in response and put her hand on her abdomen. "Are you sure?"

"I had them run the test three times which is why I didn't say anything before now. You've got high levels of the hormone, unfortunately we'll have to do an ultrasound to figure out how far along you are," Janet explained. There was a pause. "I didn't know you were seeing anybody."

"I'm not," she answered reflexively, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I mean… it's complicated."

"I'm here you know. I may be your doctor, but I'm also your friend. If it's complicated maybe I can help you sort things out," Janet offered, trying to hide the hurt in her own eyes. "I mean we've known each other for years, you're a second mom to Cassie. If there's anyone you can talk to, it's me."

Shaking her head, she responded. "I'm sorry Janet. This is one thing I can't share; you just have to trust me that it's for the right reasons."

"If the pregnancy is only going to further complicate things, you have options."

"No, I'm keeping it," Sam answered firmly without hesitation. Having a family with Jack had been her private fantasy, added to that she knew he loved children. Anything other than keeping the baby was simply out of the question.

"Okay," Janet said with a deep breath. "We knew it was a possibility that the naquadah in your blood could affect birth control. There's just no way to know if this is just part of that normal fail rate or if your body just neutralized it somehow."

"Yeah, I know. It's just a shock."

"I'll have to make a full report to General Hammond and Colonel O'Neill, although with the current situation, I imagine that they're going to be preoccupied with other things."

"I understand," Sam said with a sigh. "I'd like to tell Colonel O'Neill myself though. I can tell him about the test results and have him come to the infirmary as well."

"If you want to, I'm more than capable of doing it myself."

"I know, but I might as well be the bearer of bad news," Sam retorted, rolling her eyes slightly. Janet stood up and gave her one last look before leaving. Her heart ached to tell her everything, to tell her about the affair, to share with her how deeply in love she was with her commanding officer. Protocol, however, would demand Janet tell General Hammond. To confide in her best friend was to force Janet to decide between her career and her friend and Sam wouldn't be able to live with herself if anything happened to Janet. Taking a moment, Sam let herself lie back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Deep breaths helped calm her nerves and after another few minutes, she was ready to face Jack.

Despite the fact that she had only just found out about her pregnancy, Sam felt as though she had it stamped on her forehead. There would be questions, which would lead to answers, which would lead to disciplinary action. Not that it would matter if Jack didn't make it. Pushing that thought out of her head, she focused on the task at hand. Jack's door was ajar and when she poked her head in, she found him playing a racing game on the PlayStation.

"Hey, how're you feeling?"

Jack put down the controller and faced her. "Like I'm in a nightmare where I've been sent back to high school. Oh, wait…" He was about to add to his sarcastic rant when he noticed Sam close the door behind her and the way her shoulders were tensed up. "Carter you want to tell me what's going on?"

Sam closed her eyes and then opened them again. He'd seen that expression before, often when he was in an incredible amount of pain, emotional or physical. When they were alone together he often found that expression followed by sweet kisses and tender touches encouraging him to let go and pour his emotion into her. The fact that she was looking at him that way and he had no idea why made him feel like he could barely breathe.

"Your body is degrading, sir," she choked out. "You're dying."

His face remained passive. This was not the first time a death sentence had been given to him. "I see."

"Janet wants to run some more tests and would like to chart your progression," she continued, taking a seat next to him on the bed. "We haven't heard from the Asgard, but the Tok'Ra are coming."

"I'd feel better if our little grey buddy was here," he responded. "No offense to Dad or anything."

She nodded mutely, trying to decide how to break the next piece of news to him. "Any news from Teal'c or Daniel?"

"They left shortly after the meeting, said they'd be back late."

"Okay." An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"Was there something else Carter?" While his voice had a bit of an edge, his eyes were filled with concern.

"I'm not sure I should say anything now. Maybe this would be best after we've gotten you all grown up again," she said with a forced smile, but Jack wasn't buying it.

"Just tell me, Carter. You know how I feel when people mollycoddle me."

"I'm pregnant."

His eyebrows shot up and his mouth moved but no sound came out. Inhaling deeply he ran his hand through his hair and stood up. "Pregnant?"

"Yes, sir. It came up in my blood work today." Sam stood up and their eyes met. "Janet's going to inform General Hammond and I volunteered to inform you, sir."

Jack knew he should say something but the words eluded him. So he relied on protocol. "Thank you for informing me, Carter. I'm sure we'll find you a decent assignment in the mean time."

Damn the situation, Sam thought to herself. They needed to discuss it. He had questions, she had questions, and they had a glaring problem staring them in the face. There's no way Jack would ever allow her to pretend that some stranger had impregnated her. While it was certainly the easier road for their careers, it wasn't his nature. She knew she would have gone along with it, offered that option to him, but it was a relief that she knew he would never accept and would be insulted if she even broached the possibility.

"Congratulations." His voice was raw and he risked grabbing her hand and squeezing it. His lips ached to taste her. Hell, he would love to push her on the bed and make love to her. The situation was messy, but seeing her there, knowing what they now shared, made him want her even more. Jack wanted to also beat his head against a wall. Damn teenage hormones. "Let's go see the 'ol Doc."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jacob Carter had shown up while Jack was in the infirmary with Janet and Sam reluctantly left his side to go meet up with her father. Whatever apprehension she might have felt, though, drifted away as she saw compassion in her father's eyes. Having lost his beloved wife, her mother, so many years ago, he knew the pain that came from waiting to find out if someone would live or die. Even worse, he knew the gut wrenching, breath stealing agony of having the ultimate pronouncement. He prayed Sam would never have to feel her life as empty as he had felt his was after the accident.

"I came as quickly as I could. I brought some scanners and a healing device. I doubt I can repair the damage, but I might be able to slow the progression."

Sam nodded and together they walked down the corridor side by side. "If you want to talk later, I want you to know I'm willing to listen." His offer startled his daughter who looked at him with bright blue eyes. "I just… I've been there, you know?"

"Yeah. And I do need to talk after all this."

"Okay."

They turned the corner into the infirmary where young Jack sat pulling down his sleeves. "Oh good, more tests. I was just starting to relax."

"I promise these won't hurt." Jacob replied, putting down his container and opening it up. It revealed a fairly straightforward circular device and it made a small hum and glowed blue as he scanned up and down Jack's body.

"Oh crap!" Jack exclaimed and for a moment he looked as though he was trying to shield his eyes from a bright light. "Oh yeah, this was definitely the Asgard's fault. I just had another flashback."

The Tok'Ra said nothing as he read the data and his mouth formed into a frown. "You're definitely degenerating, but there's something else here..."

"The anomaly, yeah we know," Janet spoke up. "We think it might be the cause of his problem, but we don't know how."

He shook his head and Selmak's deep voice emanated. "No, this anomaly is indicative of something else." He sighed and looked at the teenager. "He's a clone."

"What?" Jack shouted. "What the hell do you mean I'm a clone? I have all the memories and…"

"The DNA proves it, Colonel O'Neill. You are indeed a clone."

Just then Daniel and Teal'c walked into the room. "That makes it the last piece of the puzzle," the younger man said, stopping next to Sam. "I'll bet the Asgard who does these experiments replaces the person with a clone… except something went wrong."

"But why am I dying?"

Jacob's voice answered. "They probably don't need the clone to last that long."

"Great," Jack spat. "I'm just a worthless copy."

Sam reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, maybe there's something Thor can do, they clone on a regular basis." The youthful brown eyes met hers sadly and she heard the unspoken words. He _was_ just a copy. They would get the real O'Neill back and he would be extra baggage.

"Why don't you get some rest, Colonel," Janet said gently. Jack shrugged off Sam's hand and left the infirmary without a word. Jacob turned to his daughter whose lips were pressed in a thin line.

"Why don't you show me to my quarters and then we can get something to eat?"

Once they were safely away from the infirmary and only mere steps from the VIP quarters, Sam spoke. "Dad, I…"

Jacob opened the door and they stepped inside. "I know this is difficult."

"No, Dad, you don't know!" she responded with a strangled cry as she collapsed in a chair. "I'm pregnant."

Her father froze in mid-motion, his outer tunic half undone. "What?"

"That's what I said."

"How far along?"

Sam studied the floor, her cheeks flushed. Granted, her father knew she was sleeping with Jack, but she still felt like a teenager caught in the act. There are some things one did not wish to share with their parents. Her sex life was one of them. "Janet did an ultrasound right before you came, she figures six weeks."

"I see. Does Jack know?" He'd perched himself on the edge of the bed and crossed his arms while studying her. It was a stance of listening, not of judgment. He was trying to take it in, analyze it, and understand it. The relief she felt was indescribable as the man she once knew as her father would have flipped out on her.

"This Jack knows."

"But…"

"They're watching me at the Pentagon. They've been asking questions about me."

"You're in an illicit relationship, Sam. I'm sure you're discreet but it's impossible to be perfect."

She shook her head. "Not like that. Before Jonas died, he saw something. Something that pertained to me. I'm still trying to sort this out, but I'm scared it has something to do with my baby."

Tense shoulders told her that he was going into protective father mode. Normally she would have fought it tooth and nail, but in the few hours she had come to know the life that was inside her and she knew she would swallow every ounce of pride to keep her unborn child safe. That alone frightened her. How could her heart be so attached so quickly?

"I assume Dr. Frasier is going to take you out of rotation."

"I'm to be off base entirely. Apparently there has been a history of miscarriages because something or other comes through the gate."

"Why don't you come with me back to the Tok'Ra base? We're secure, we're safe for pregnancies, we deal with them with refugees, and others that wish to stay and help us with our cause. I was going to speak with General Hammond about starting the exchange program."

"I don't want to run away, Dad."

"You're not running away. You're going to come with me and Jack is going to figure out what the hell is going on. You can't stay on base and I know Jack's not going to let you put yourself in danger. Come with me, bring some projects that are cleared by the good doctor, spend some quality time with your old man."

The offer was tempting and she inhaled deeply. "Let me talk with Jack."

"Of course."

Then a bright white light encompassed her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

In the end, Sam never got the chance to talk with Jack. At least, not the Jack that was fifteen years old. While she had been meeting with her father, Thor had shown up. Piecing together the information they had collected, his figured out that one of his brethren was conducting illegal experiments on humans and there was only one way for them to find the culprit. The sting went as planned and a few hours before dawn, SG-1 found themselves standing onboard an Asgard vessel, face to face with Loki, the Norse god of mischief, to which Daniel replied "Of course" with a roll of his eyes.

"Would someone please explain to me why I'm standing on an Asgard ship in nothing but my boxers? And could we _please_ turn up the temperature. I'm… cold." Jack, the original, older version, shifted uncomfortably and Sam had a pretty good idea which part of him was feeling chilly.

"Oh quite your complaining," young Jack retorted.

"Who are you?"

"I'm you. Or you're me. I'm a clone."

"So, like, mini-me?"

Young Jack rolled his eyes and was about to respond when Daniel interrupted. "Thor, Jack's clone here is degenerating, we were wondering if you would be able to, you know, fix him."

"Do you have to use that phrase?" young Jack muttered.

Thor nodded. "We can save the clone if you wish."

"Uh, can I have a minute with my…" young Jack looked at the original. "Myself."

Sam watched as the two men walked toward the back of the room to talk. She tried not to seem like she was spying, but she was aware of the several times one of them looked in that general direction. They were trying to be nonchalant, but she knew she was the topic of the conversation. Looking at the console in front of her, she began absent-mindedly fiddling with the console. Suddenly a klaxon went off and she jumped ten feet in the air.

"Major Carter, might I suggest you leave control of the ship's systems to me?" Translated that was Asgard for "don't touch." Sam gave a sheepish apology, but it was barely noticed as the two Jacks headed back over.

"I'm going to stay with Thor," young Jack announced. "Two of us on Earth would just be too weird."

"Are you sure?" Sam questioned wanting to protest, but she saw the look in her Jack's eyes and she backed off young Jack.

"Trust me, Carter," mini-Jack said and if Sam didn't know better, she swore she heard heaviness in his voice. Daniel gave an approving nod and Teal'c only bowed his head in agreement.

Original Jack cleared his throat. "Now, if Thor would be so kind as to send us…" a bright light encompassed all of them halfway through Jack's statement and they found themselves in Jack's bedroom once again. "…back home." It took them a moment to orient themselves before speaking.

"Well, now that that's done, I think I'm going to get some coffee," Daniel remarked unceremoniously. "Teal'c? Sam? Jack?"

"It's a quarter to four, Daniel. Shouldn't you try to sleep?" Jack responded in disbelief.

"My day's just getting started," the younger man replied. Although his tone was cheery, Sam noticed weariness in his eyes and her heart ached for him. "Besides, we have a briefing in, oh, three hours."

"I will accompany you, Daniel Jackson."

"Thank you Teal'c. Jack? Sam?"

"I think I'm going to head home and get a fresh set of clothes," she answered. She also desperately wanted to go to bed, but she knew that wasn't in the cards.

Jack eyed her momentarily. "I am going to finish sleeping."

"Suit yourselves." Waving Daniel and Teal'c headed out the front door. Sam slowly turned to face Jack.

"Before you say anything, Carter. Mini-me already filled me in on the pregnancy situation."

"Oh."

"You okay with this?"

"I have to be. I want this baby."

"Good, me too," he responded, rapping his knuckles against his dresser top. Sam shifted her stance.

"I can't believe he decided to stay with Thor."

Jack's eyes flitted up to hers. "Yeah." Instantly she knew he was covering something up.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"It's not important."

"Damn straight it is," she answered, her voice low but firm. With resignation Jack met her eyes.

"He stayed with Thor so that they could terminate him."

Nausea washed over her. "They're going to euthanize him? Why?"

"He didn't want to relive his life. I don't blame him." His dark brown eyes fixed on hers. "I'd rather die myself than lose you."

She wanted to yell at him, but it made no sense. True, the clone and Jack were one and the same and yet, yelling at Jack about killing himself made her head ache. "Stupid son of a bitch," she muttered.

"Hey, watch it. I'm that son of a bitch." His voice was stronger, revealing the tiniest hint of agitation.

"I'm sorry, it's just…" It was just what? Resigning herself to losing the argument, she decided to let it pass. "It's just hormones."

"I'll let it fly this time, but only because it's my baby." He gave her a boyish grin and her anxiety about the situation melted away. "So what did Doc say?"

"I can't work on base. I'm six weeks along. My naquadah blood probably messed with my birth control."

"So you'll be working elsewhere?"

She cleared her throat. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She squared her shoulders. "Dad offered to let me come with him to the Tok'Ra base. With everything that's been going on with the Pentagon and Jonas' vision, I think we should get some more information."

"You think they're onto us?"

"Maybe. I don't know. If not, once the pregnancy comes out they will be. Remember, Paul said they'd do what they needed to get us to cooperate with them."

Jack rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, and I've been having a hell of a time getting any information. If you're off-world I don't have to be quite as careful."

"It's agreed then?"

A clenched jaw gave away his distaste for the situation. "Yeah."

"Then I'd better go pack. I'm leaving tomorrow… er today."

Sam started forward, but Jack grabbed her tightly and crushed his lips to hers. "No Sam, stay, please." She didn't respond, but just parted her lips to give him the desperate access he craved. The way his hands caressed her, the way his tongue tasted her, she knew he was afraid. He pressed her hard against the wall while he undid the buttons on her blouse before pulling her towards the bed. Moans and sighs escaped her, not that she could have stopped them if she had wanted to. She tore at his boxers, at his shirt, grateful that he had asked her to stay. Her thankfulness only increased as he pressed into her. They were at a feast, tasting each other's fruit, drinking each other's wine. Sweat mingled, the headboard rattled, Sam screamed louder than she had in a very long time.

"I'm going to miss you," he gasped, his lips hovering over hers. His eyes were raw and vulnerable.

"It won't be that long, you'll see," she panted back, fingering a damp lock of his hair. "We'll be back here together before you know it."

"I'll be counting the days."

"Me too."

After a few more moments, after they had caught their breath, Sam dressed slowly, acutely aware of his eyes searing her image into his brain. Sadly she planted a kiss on his lips and walked out the door. It was only going to be for a little while, she told herself. So why did this feel like goodbye forever?

TBC…


	10. Under Rug Swept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I'd like to give a special shout out to channach – I always outline my stories with what I want to happen in each chapter and from the last review you gave me, I realized I could accomplish my goals in a more action-packed way. Enjoy!_

Jack cringed as Janet redressed the wound on his arm. It should have been mostly healed by now, but it had gotten infected as a result of having stayed in the field too long after having been shot.

"Damn super soldier," he muttered, hissing through his teeth as Janet cleaned it.

"While I'd normally agree with you, sir, I have to say that the wound at this point is less because of that soldier's shooting and more because you didn't clean it properly when you originally bandaged it," she chided. "Hold still, I'm almost done."

"I wouldn't have needed to dress it properly if he hadn't _shot_ me," he pointed out, his voice tense with pain. "Are you done yet?"

Janet picked up a fresh bandage. "Let me just bind you up…"

No sooner had she finished wrapping his arm than klaxons started blaring throughout the base. "Unscheduled off-world activation! Unscheduled off-world activation!" came the loud voice of Walter Harriman. Jack jumped off the bed and was out the door before Janet could even protest, although she was certain she wouldn't have been able to stop him if she'd wanted to.

Jack hurried through the corridors, gasping only slightly when he accidentally hit his tender arm against a master sergeant he brushed by in his haste. Having been out of commission for the last couple of weeks doing nothing but paperwork (so he told Hammond anyway), he found himself taking his role as base second in command a little too seriously. In the event that General Hammond was incapacitated, he needed to be there to make decisions. Of course, it's not that he _wanted_ General Hammond to be incapacitated; he really just wanted to find an excuse to get away from Janet before she found something else to stick him with.

"It's the Tok'Ra IDC, sir."

"Open the iris," came Hammond's Texan drawl. The metallic grind of the iris filled the room as it slid back to reveal the glistening event horizon. Half a second later the stumbling form of Jacob Carter came through and collapsed on the ramp as the wormhole disengaged. General Hammond was about to turn to Jack when he realized the colonel was already halfway down the stairs headed towards the embarkation room. He was also about to order a med team, but Walter was phone before the words could escape his lips.

The Tok'Ra's hand gripped Jack's arm desperately and there was panic in his eyes. Selmak's deep voice rang in his ears. "I don't know how he found us. Anubis found us. He's taken Samantha. We have to… we have to…" then his eyes rolled back into his head and he passed out.

"Sir, move!" Janet yelled, shoving Jack aside and hitting his wound in the process. Jack would have swore, but he had already gone numb from Jacob's news. Anubis had Sam. Pressing his fears down, he snapped into action mode. "Sir, permission to take a team-"

"Denied. I'm sending SG-3 to assess the situation. With Teal'c off-world and you injured-"

"Sir, with all due respect, it's just my arm."

General Hammond leveled his gaze. "Denied Colonel and I don't want to hear another word about it."

"Yes, sir." His eyes were ablaze but he knew his place. Hammond turned his attention to the groups around him and started issuing orders for a team to head to the Tok'Ra base. Jack's heart pounding from anger and frustration pushed him from the room towards the infirmary. He needed to know what happened.

The flurry of nurses had subsided by the time he walked through the door and judging from Janet's calm demeanor, the initial urgency was for naught. Jacob was awake, though a little worse for wear, and hooked to an IV that was dripping a simple saline solution into his body.

"I knew you'd be here first," the older man said, his voice hoarse.

"You know why I'd be here first, too," Jack answered, his eyes fixed on him. He missed the perplexed look on Janet's face as she made some notations on Jacob's chart. "Doc, can we have a few minutes?" She nodded and exited swiftly. "Hammond won't let me lead the team back to the Tok'Ra base."

Jacob shook his head. "You won't find anything there. He took her to his ship. I swear, Jack, I don't know how they found us. We know who's in the field… it just… it just doesn't make any sense. Only the SGC knows."

"You're sure?"

"I bet my daughter's life on it, Jack," he said and then took in a breath. "And her unborn son's."

"Son?" Jack repeated softly. "It's a boy?"

"Yes, it's a boy. I happened to have on me a data chip with Sam's latest scans and test results," Jacob replied. "It was so odd. After he had her, he left. Highly unusual if you ask me. You have to lead the mission to save her."

"General Hammond…"

"If General Hammond knew the truth, he'd let you go."

"If General Hammond knew the truth, he'd rip me a new one," he retorted. "Besides, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but my arm has seen better days. This happens to also be my shooting arm."

Jacob let out a cough and took a labored breath. "Get me the healing device. I'll use it to patch you up and you can be on your way."

"Look, Dad, I appreciate the sentiment, but we have to do what's best for Carter. You're barely able to stand and my guess is that Selmak is working overtime without supper to get you better. There's no way you can spare the energy required to fix my arm."

"Dammit Jack, stop arguing with me. Are you in love with my daughter or not?" he growled and the younger man was taken aback by the man's harsh tone.

"I'll talk to General Hammond," he replied, his tone resigned.

"Talk to me about what?"

Too many years of black ops had taught Jack to keep his cool demeanor no matter the circumstances. Despite his heart dropping to his feet, his expression remained neutral as he faced his superior officer. "Jake here wants to do me the honor of zapping my arm better so I can help in the search."

"Highly unlikely," Janet responded, walking up. Great, an audience, Jack thought to himself. Sam was going to kill him. Whether or not that would happen before or after the official investigation remained to be seen. "You're just barely stable."

As if on cue, Daniel came through the door out of breath. "Sorry, I was in my lab, I didn't hear the alert… Jacob!"

"Daniel."

"Where's Sam?"

"Captured by Anubis, Jacob wants to heal me, Janet says no, and I was just about to make an announcement worthy of daytime soaps," Jack answered with a sigh. "Did I miss anything?"

"I've sent a message to Teal'c. He'll be here shortly. In the mean time, I've pulled SG teams 5, 10, and 13 to assist with the rescue. Colonel Dixon will be leading. Dr. Jackson and Teal'c will represent SG-1 while Colonel O'Neill continues to heal."

Daniel blinked, the information taking a moment to sink in. "Anubis has Sam? What about the rest of the Tok'Ra?"

"There's a fair bit of damage, but he left once he had her. Why he didn't utterly destroy us, I have no idea," Jacob said, his voice raspy. He let out another cough. "George, you have to put Jack out there."

"Jacob, I know you have a lot of faith in Colonel O'Neill, but Dave Dixon is a hell of an officer," Hammond reassured.

Sam's dad gave Hammond a withering glance and then turned his gaze to Jack. "Jack, I think now would be a good time for that announcement."

Inhaling, Jack dropped his gaze and said a silent prayer to God that this would turn out okay. "It's about Carter's baby, sir." The room grew quiet and he avoided looking up at the blue eyes he knew were trying to guess his words before he spoke them. "It's mine."

The clatter of Janet's clipboard startled everyone and the red-faced doctor mumbled and apology as she bent down to pick it up. Daniel looked him, eyebrows furrowed, and Jack knew he was trying to figure out if there had been some clue.

"My office, now!" General Hammond barked, his face a violent shade of scarlet, his jaw clenched, and he stormed out without another glance at his second-in-command. Jack gave a cursory glance at others in the room before exiting, his shame leaking through the cracks in his stoic exterior. By the time he was in the corridor, General Hammond was already far ahead and when he reached his office, Hammond was standing next to his desk. If he was standing, Jack thought, this was not going to go well. Suddenly, Jack felt like a cadet again and he stood firmly at attention, his gaze pressed forward.

"I want to know exactly what happened. Was it an alien influence? A memory implant? Hell, too much alcohol?" His tone was controlled, but there was an undercurrent of fury just waiting to be unleashed.

"Major Carter and I have been engaged in an unprofessional relationship, sir," he answered slowly. His neck was starting to feel stiff.

"How long?"

A twitch gave him away and General Hammond repeated himself. "How long, Colonel?"

"Since Netu, four years ago, sir." Jack's tone was barely audible and he had to fight not to cringe as the shorter gentleman drew himself up to stare into his eyes.

"You mean to tell me, you've been engaged in an intimate relationship with your subordinate for _four_ years? What the hell were you thinking?" Jack opened his mouth to respond but General Hammond cut him off. "No, I don't want to know what you were thinking. Do you know how many times I have _defended_ you? I have had superiors questioning me since the beginning. I told them that you two were fine officers with exemplary records that would never, ever cross that line."

Hammond circled Jack, his eyes narrowed, his body tense. "You made me a liar, Colonel. Effective immediately, I am relieving you of command. There will be a letter of reprimand placed in your file and so help me, Colonel O'Neill, you'll be lucky if I let you go through the Stargate again. I'm putting you on leave for the next two weeks while I figure out what to do with you."

"Sir," Jack started, blood pounding through his ears. "I know I have done a great disservice to the uniform I am wearing and I have no right whatsoever to ask anything of you."

"Damn straight, Colonel."

He relaxed himself just enough to allow his pained emotions cross his face. "Carter's carrying my son, sir. Jacob knows I'll do whatever I have to do to get her back. I'm personally invested in this mission…"

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't go."

"I'm not asking to lead it, just to be a part of it. Please. It's my son."

General Hammond felt his anger abate ever so slightly. Part of it was the agony in the man's eyes, part of it was the certainty that Jack O'Neill didn't beg for anything. Jack had lost one son by his own hand and Hammond knew that if he lost this son, he would never recover. He was furious, but he was compassionate. "Very well. I'll order Dr. Frasier to allow Jacob use of the healing device."

"Thank you sir."

"You will do everything and I mean everything that Colonel Dixon commands. So help me, Jack, do _not_ make me look the fool a second time."

"Yes sir, understood."

"Dismissed."

As Jack exited meekly, Hammond sank down in his chair and put his head in his hands. Retirement was starting to look better and better everyday.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"How could you not have told me?" Daniel cried, following Jack down the corridor. He'd waited outside General Hammond's office, trying not to eavesdrop, although the General's yelling caused him to overhear his displeasure at the very least.

"We didn't want to put anyone in the middle of it, Daniel," Jack said in an even tone. "Besides, it was no one's business but ours."

"And the U.S. government's apparently," his friend snapped, keeping pace with the man quite easily. "How many times have you lied to me? I mean, if you weren't honest about this, what else have you been making up?"

"You're right. Everything is a lie. There, are you happy?" he snapped back, shooting him a brief glare. "Now you can either help figure out where Carter is, or you can go to hell for all I care." He shoved open the door of Major Davis' office and the surprised man jumped ten feet in the air. In one swift motion, Jack had him up against the wall.

"Uh, Jack," Daniel started.

"Shut up," he answered, then he turned his attention back to the man in his grip who looked slightly terrified. "The way I see it, Major, there are only a handful of people who know about the Tok'Ra base. The Tok'Ra, obviously, and a bunch of untrustworthy paper pushers on Earth. While I generally like to blame the Tok'Ra for just about anything, the nature of the attack, the intended target, and the fact that I know there's a conspiracy going on, leads me to believe the latter. Tell me I'm wrong."

"You're not wrong," Paul replied. "I have information. I swear I only got it ten minutes ago."

"Jack, he's been on our side from the beginning, give him a chance."

Daniel's negotiating tactics generally worked Jack up more, but he knew the man was right, so he let go of Paul and the Major took in a deep breath of air.

"Simmons is a Goa'uld."

"Why does that not surprise me," Jack muttered. "But why Sam?"

Reaching over to his laptop, he spun it around so they could all see the screen. "Because of this…"

The video came to life and on screen an image of Jonas Quinn appeared. Sweat beaded his brow and his eyes moved wildly back and forth. The disembodied voice of a woman spoke. "Jonas, it's okay. It's me, Susan, you're going to be all right. What are you seeing?"

"It's Sam. There's, there's…" he sucked in air. "A baby. It's a boy! She had a boy!"

"Major Carter's not pregnant," the soothing voice answered.

Jonas' moved his head back and forth. "No, no, she has a baby. Janet says he's special. There's, there's something on the chart, hard to make out… ancient."

A hand came into view and wiped his brow with a white cloth. "She had a child with an… ancient?"

"It says…" a cough and something unintelligible was said. "It says the genes are of the Ancients. Sam… Sam says he's a gift… from… he's advanced…"

Then the video cut out. Jack stood frozen, his expression stunned. Daniel was the first to speak. "The nurse, the nurse was called Susan."

Jack whirled around and gave Daniel an irritated glance. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"She's still here. She did my post-mission check-up when I accompanied SG-7 off world last week."

"Then we have someone to question," Paul responded eagerly. "I hadn't even picked up on that." He paused, contemplating his next words. "There's something else you should be aware of. Right before Sam left, and I mean, right before, we found out that they intended to use the quantum mirror to raid other realities for resources. SG-13's initial mission was to scout the location and then later they would have received orders to move the mirror to a planet that would be rich in whatever we needed. The way the Pentagon figured we got the best of both worlds. Unlimited resources and we kept our allies here." He stopped to rub his forehead. "Sam had Colonel Dixon do something to sabotage the mirror because she didn't have time to do it herself and we knew he was clean. Dr. Lee has been working non-stop to get the mirror up and running again, but thankfully hasn't had any luck."

"I don't understand. Why not just recall Sam from the Tok'Ra base," Daniel asked, crossing his arms.

"Because of this. If I'd had the video sooner, I could have stopped Sam from going. My guess is that while the mirror furthers Earth's purposes, Simmons being a Goa'uld could care less. His master is Anubis and Sam being off world made her more vulnerable."

"Dammit!" Jack shouted, hitting his hand against the wall. "We sent her off-world to protect her from the morons in DC and we handed her on a silver platter to the greatest Goa'uld threat in the galaxy. Major, inform Dixon of your information, I've got a nurse to interrogate."

"Yes sir."

In haste the three men left the room, their hope hanging by a very thin thread named Susan.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So other than Anubis is her great lord and Sam will serve him well, we have nothing," Paul said as he tapped his pen against the conference table. General Hammond sat at the head flanked by both Major Davis and Colonel Dixon. Teal'c sat opposite of Jack still in his Jaffa garb as he had come through the wormhole only moments before. Janet glanced over at Daniel before speaking.

"I analyzed the information downloaded from the Tok'Ra." She passed down copies of a report that summarized the data. "Her last scan was approximately a week ago, she was twenty-two weeks at the time. The fetus is male, no chromosomal abnormalities, although there is an interesting feature in his genetic make up."

"A genetic marker that marks him as an Ancient," Daniel replied, his eyes scanning down the page.

"So it's not mine?" Jack asked quizzically. "Because I know she's not an Ancient and I may _feel_ ancient, but I'm not one…"

"No, the baby is definitely yours. You have a similar marker in your DNA," Janet reassured.

Daniel leaned forward. "The Ancients seeded life in the galaxy and so we descended from them. It would make sense that there would be certain elements of their genetic structure still floating around in the human gene pool."

"That doesn't explain why Anubis would want the baby. Why not just snatch O'Neill?" Dixon asked.

Jacob Carter's voice responded as he limped into the room, a cane in his left hand. "Because Jack's DNA has markers that would allow him to operate Ancient devices. It wouldn't, however, make him an Ancient. It's as though the cells that make up this child took that smidgen of DNA and recreated the lost race. We have no idea how it did that, but it did." He practically fell into a chair.

"Sir, you shouldn't be up, you just healed Colonel O'Neill an hour ago…" Janet protested while moving to his side, but Jacob waved her off.

"I'm fine, I've been through worse."

Against her better judgment, Janet sat back down, but continued to watch him out of the corner of her eye.

"So this baby is full blown Ancient?" General Hammond asked, leaning back.

"That's what the genetics would indicate," Jacob replied, taking in a deep breath. He knew he needed to sleep, but as long as Sam was in the clutches of Anubis, he doubted his resting would do him any good.

"Then it is even more imperative that we locate and rescue Major Carter," Hammond summarized. "Do we have any intel to go on?"

There was a contemplative silence before the deep voice of Teal'c spoke. "Allow me to interrogate Nurse Meyers."

"Done," the General responded.

"And turn off the security cameras," the Jaffa added. Everyone froze their gazes on the former First Prime.

"Teal'c, I can't do that."

"Then you will not get the information you seek. It is an honorable code your people abide by. Indeed, I have found much information gained under duress is false, however, we are left with few options. You cannot offer her what she wants and so you must offer her what she fears."

General Hammond glanced at the others at the table and was only mildly surprised at Daniel Jackson's lack of protest. The man championed human rights regularly, even for non-humans. "Very well."

The dark man nodded.

"I'd like to observe," Colonel Dixon requested. "I'd like Jack to accompany me as well."

Jack's head jerked suddenly towards Dave who continued to look at General Hammond. Their commanding officer nodded in agreement and the room emptied as everyone headed to their respective locations to work on a solution to finding Sam.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Teal'c had donned his former Jaffa uniform which made him seem even more intimidating than he already was. Jack and Dave sat above the room watching as the experienced soldier continued his questioning. Both were certain that Teal'c would do little in the way of harming Susan Meyers as she was a petite woman who had been pulled into the Anubis fan-club.

Colonel Dixon took a sip of his coffee and leaned back in his chair. "Twenty bucks says she breaks in under thirty minutes."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Sure. The way I see it, she was probably screwing Simmons, giving him information, getting some trinkets… I saw a flash of doubt in her eyes when I told her Simmons had high-tailed it back to their god."

They paused as Susan cried out when Teal'c neared her face. "Speak woman! Your silence only wears my patience and only promises your agony will be longer. Where is Anubis?"

"I will not betray my Lord!" she responded, her voice faltering. "He will reward me!" Jack flinched as Teal'c backhanded the fair-haired woman.

"You haven't asked me about Carter yet," he said to break the tension of having watched his friend hit a woman. "I assume Hammond told you."

"Half the base knows, but yeah, he told me," Dave answered, not making eye contact. "I don't think less of you if that's what you're wondering. Frankly I'm surprised it doesn't happen on more teams. Two people facing death, working closely together, sharing intimate details of your lives. I'd kill for anyone of my men."

"But you wouldn't sleep with them," Jack joked, propping a leg up on the table in front of them.

Dave snorted. "Don't ask don't tell. Besides, Marie is as hot as hell."

"You don't end up with five kids otherwise."

"Tell me what I want to know and this will be over!" Teal'c growled and in a shocking resolution, Susan's shoulders began to shake.

"I thought… I thought he loved me. He said…" she sniffled. Jack and Dave shared a glance and Jack rolled his eyes. "There's a computer in my locker. Some files… he didn't know that I knew, but I'd tapped into… I'll give you the passwords." She lifted her face and Jack could see the beginnings of some bruises on her cheeks.

Dave looked at his watch. "Damn, thirty-five minutes. Glad you didn't take me up on my bet." Stretching, he stood up and pulled the door open. "Looks like we have a rescue to plan."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Waiting was always the hardest part. Susan's computer had valuable intel that when coupled with Tok'Ra intelligence gave them a fairly accurate location. Unfortunately, gating to the planet where Anubis was currently parked was out of the question. Although he was still weak, Jacob was able to pull a few strings and get them a ship which met them in a nearby system. Now, Jack sat with his back against the bulkhead of the cargo ship playing with his yo-yo.

"She's going to be fine," Daniel said, looking up from his book. "Anubis wants the baby, he can't snake her and he won't torture her."

"I know."

"You don't sound convinced," he answered, closing his book.

Jack sighed. "Do I need to be? I don't need any comfort, this is a rescue op, how I feel about it doesn't mean a thing."

His friend grimaced. "I know… I just… I feel like I missed out on something you know? Like I failed you as a friend. How many times has one of you been in danger and I mean, I knew it bothered you but knowing what I do now…"

"Which is exactly why we didn't tell you. Or Teal'c. Or anybody. No one else needed to get caught up in our mess," he repeated for what felt like the millionth time. Daniel seemed to find every opportunity to try to pry him about his relationship with Sam. "I know you're hurt, okay? We had a decision to make and we made it, knowing the consequences."

"It's just…"

"I'm going to go over the plan with Dave," Jack cut off, standing up abruptly. "Thanks for the chat." Daniel sighed and didn't even bother opening his book again. He watched Jack approach Colonel Dixon and the two began chatting and it seemed as though he were watching a stranger. He thought he knew Jack, but if anything, he had discovered rather harshly that there was a lot he had misinterpreted. The flirting had always seemed innocent but under the hot lamp of scrutiny it would appear it had been anything but. There had been so many nights Sam or Jack had stayed later than him or Teal'c to "help clean up." Once or twice he wondered, but if he even inched towards the topic he always got the line about the regs or about doing one's duty. A twinge of bitterness crept into his throat and he forced himself to break his gaze and turn his attention.

On the other side of the cargo bay, Jack was leaned over a laptop with schematics for Anubis' ship. In a turn of good fortune a Tok'Ra operative happened to be aboard and was able to transmit information about vulnerabilities and best escape routes. The operative, however, was unsure as to where she was being held. Three rooms were highlighted.

"We've been over this a hundred times, Jack," Dave assured. "It's a solid plan. Besides, the only purpose a plan serves is to let us know what it is we're deviating from when we get into a damn firefight."

"I know. I'm just trying to avoid Daniel."

"That bad huh?"

"You have no idea," Jack answered, taking in a deep breath. "I appreciate you letting me lead one of the teams."

Dave shook his head and smirked. "Somehow, despite whatever General Hammond told you, I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell you'd take anything less. I know I wouldn't."

The two settled comfortably down on some crates and Jack took a swig from a canteen. "I've ruined her reputation, her career."

"Yes, because we all know that Major Carter isn't smart enough to make it up the ranks without the assistance of her commanding officer," Dave retorted. "Don't play tragic hero on me now, O'Neill. There maybe a few people snickering, but for any one of them there's ten who's ass has been saved by one of Carter's brilliant and slightly insane ideas. No one's going to open their mouth unless they want to taste the other end of a fist."

Jack let out a small chuckled at the veracity of his statement. No one could deny Carter's intelligence or her work ethic. "You're right." He stood up. "I'm going to take a leak."

"Hope everything comes out all right."

He left shaking his head feeling better after his talk with Dave. Daniel was still reeling from the deception, but Dave had nothing emotionally invested. It's what made him a great commander and Jack respected him a great deal. Leaning back against the lavatory wall, he took in a couple of slow breaths and hoped against hope that Sam was doing all right.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The golden table on which she lay was blissfully warm although being as it was solid, it was still uncomfortable. One of Anubis' Goa'uld lackeys was maneuvering a scanner over her slightly swollen stomach and she flinched when a tiny kick surprised her. Sam had only just begun to realize that the strange fluttering, fluid sensations she was experiencing were her unborn son's. Unfortunately she wasn't really in a position to enjoy them.

"Your child is quite active," the fair-haired man responded, a smile tugging at his lips. "Anubis will be most pleased."

"Not if I get my hands on him first," she spat, shifting, trying to get comfortable despite her bindings. "I would rather die than let him have my baby."

His green eyes fixed on hers and his smiled turned affectionate as he brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. Sam fought the urge to pull back. "Oh Samantha, there will be no need for you to die." There was a familiarity in the way that he spoke her name and a tenderness that had not been present in the previous days.

Recognition sparked in her blue eyes. "Lantash?" Her voice was barely a whisper. He placed a finger over his lips and shook his head to indicate that she should not say more. His hand came to meet hers and she felt him palm her something, but she would have to wait until she was in the safety of her quarters to look at it.

"We are done here today. You are doing well, but I am going to make a few dietary modifications as you have a few nutrients that could use some boosting," he said loudly. "Your child will make an excellent host for Anubis. His Ancient genetics will allow Anubis the ability to occupy his form without damaging the body." Sam nodded, speechless, and dressed in the robe she had worn on arriving to the infirmary. Lantash passed her off to two large Jaffa outside the room and they escorted her back to her quarters.

Walking in, she found food on the table and a fresh change of clothes on the bed. Her pregnancy afforded her luxuries, she had discovered, that no other prisoner would ever have under Anubis. Her health was of the utmost importance; even the Jaffa were not to do any physical harm to her. When she refused to kneel before Anubis, the half-ascended Goa'uld had merely laughed and said there would be time for that later. He regarded her insolence as a minor irritation that he would bear in order to gain what he coveted.

In her palm she found a small chip that fit into a device that had mysteriously appeared in her quarters shortly after arriving. Supposing she had a friend on board she had hidden it and was glad her intuition had been correct. The file was a brief message written in English. _Help is on the way, be ready_. Her father had been successful in getting a message to Earth. With any luck, she'd be home before dinner.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam had been lying on the bed dozing lightly when there were loud yells from the hallway and the sound of gunfire exploded in her ears. With haste she moved to the door and began banging on it. "I'm in here!" she screamed. The door slid open after a couple seconds and revealed the face of a very tense Colonel Dixon.

"C'mon Major, we gotta get you outta here," he grunted, tossing her a zat. Instantly she was in combat mode and was scouting the now silent corridor for evidence of new Jaffa. As they made their way forward, she almost tripped over a fallen soldier and cursed that she had nothing but cotton slippers to wear on her feet. "This is Alpha team, we have Major Carter, all units return to the ship. I repeat, Major Carter is secure, return to base."

Several voices echoed back and Sam let Colonel Dixon take the lead. Part of her was perturbed at the protective stances the rest of his team had taken around her but she knew it made sense. She was dressed in thin swathes of sheer blue cloth, which while comfortable, was also useless as armor, something she had to keep in mind lest harm came to her child. They quickly met up with the other three teams, the last being led by Jack. He barely glanced at her as they rushed through to the ring transport room, but she couldn't keep her eyes off of him.

His brown eyes were locked in determination, his firm body poised, ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Sam cursed the hormones running through her body that made her want to push him into the nearest room and have her way with him. Her sister-in-law, while inebriated, had once told her pregnancy sex was the best sex to which Sam had wanted to vomit. Liz had been talking about Mark after all and her baby brother having sex was akin to thinking about her parents. That train of thought cooled the heat flooding her body and she sighed in relief when the bright light of the ring transport encompassed her.

"Go! Go! Go!" Colonel Dixon was yelling and Sam nearly lost her balance as the ship jumped to hyperspace. One of the marines grabbed her arm to steady her and she gave him a grateful glance. They broke the circular formation and seemed to sense the need to move away from her. She noticed their glances had focused behind her and turning she met Jack's eyes, no longer determined, but relieved. Everything in her screamed to run to him and bury herself in his arms, but she refrained, years of self-control having been ingrained in her demeanor.

"It's okay, we know," Daniel said, his voice low as he moved near her, his eyes mixed with joy and pain. "It's been hell for him."

Tentatively she stepped forward and she saw Jack's eyes shift around, unsure of what to do with the audience they had. "I…" she started, but he interrupted.

"It's okay, I know," he said stepping forward to meet her.

A giggle erupted and he looked startled. "I'm sorry it's just… well… I have to pee." Several chuckled followed her comment.

Jack shifted and drew himself up taller. "Yes, well, how about I walk you to the head?"

"Thanks, although I know where it is."

He shoved his hands in his pockets. "True, but I would be remiss in my duties as an officer and a gentleman." Offering his arm, she rolled her eyes and walked by him, leaving him a great view of her six, although the fact that he was watching it was masked. Though they all knew, Jack still felt the need to maintain a professional distance from her.

The door was camouflaged into the ostentatious gold paneling that slid open to a lavatory that was obviously not designed for a woman. A gold urinal stood to one side and what look like a chamber pot was on the other and there were handles for squatting. "These heads always remind me of places in Europe," Sam remarked as the door slid shut. She turned to face Jack. "Um, I know it's been a while since we've seen each other, but I'm not sure watching me urinate is high on your list."

"Right!" Jack exclaimed catching himself. He'd just wanted to be near her. "I wanted to know what all the fuss was about, you women always going to the restroom together."

"Very funny. Out," she ordered and Jack exited to stand impatiently outside the door. After a few more minutes she let him back in and there they stood enjoying the stolen privacy.

"So, everyone knows," she started, biting her lower lip. "Not exactly how I imagined them finding out. How'd General Hammond take it?"

"He yelled. A lot. I've been removed from command, you've been removed from SG-1," Jack answered with a small sigh. "Daniel waffles between pissed and curious. Teal'c, well, he doesn't say much but I think he understands."

Sam nodded. "It's what we thought. We knew this was going to happen; that it didn't happen earlier is surprising in some ways. Lantash was on Anubis' ship."

"Marty's old snake?"

"Yeah. New host, obviously," there was a hint of sorrow in her voice and mourning in her blue eyes.

"Good to have friends in low places," Jack answered with a smile. He let his fingers trace the curve of her face and his eyes settled on her lips. Savoring her presence, he let his journey to her lips be soft and slow, letting the kiss deepen naturally, tasting her lips, her tongue. A moan escaped her throat.

"Jack," she breathed as he traveled to the tender spot behind her ear. "We have to stop, my hormones are… Jack…" He pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Okay." Regretfully they both left the lavatory and headed back to where everyone else was, careful to place a decent enough distance between them. Regardless of the new knowledge possessed by the crew, they were still military officers that needed to adhere to a certain level of decorum. Unfortunately for them both, it made the rest of the trip back to Earth almost excruciating.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Janet was fidgeting when Jack, Sam, and Dave Dixon entered the conference room. The look on her face, however, told Sam that she wasn't fidgeting from excitement, but that something had spooked her. Jacob sat grimly across from her and General Hammond refused to make eye contact. Guilt poured over Sam as she interpreted their silence as judgment and disappointment and she found that it stung worse than she'd imagined it would. A nurse had done her ultrasound and taken her blood; Janet had been nowhere to be found. Sam took a seat and felt a small comfort at Jack taking the chair next to her. Paul Davis was the last to enter, his hands full with a manila envelope marked "Top Secret".

"I'm glad to see the plan was successful. Major Carter, welcome back to the SGC," Hammond said curtly, his gaze flitting over Sam briefly. "I assume everyone has been briefed as to the reason for the Major's abduction." There were murmurs and head nods of affirmation.

"Surely he's more powerful in his current state, why in the world would he want to take a human, or rather an Ancient, host?" Dave asked. "It doesn't make any sense."

Daniel tapped a pen. "I've been thinking about it since I found out and I have a rather frightening thought. The Ancients were able to ascend as part of their evolutionary process, what if that's what he's trying to do? Ascend fully?"

"Would the others allow that?" Sam asked. "It seems to me that they have the ability to keep him in his bastardized form."

"Sure, why not? It's a result of natural information he has. You know the Ancients and their penchant for only meddling when they feel like it," Daniel snarked with obvious bitterness towards the ascended Ancients.

A faint memory surfaced as Sam let a hand drift to her abdomen. "What if it wasn't by natural causes?"

"What?" Hammond inquired.

"Orlin said he was giving me a gift for when the time was right. What if he did something to my ovaries?"

Janet, who had seemed distant for most of the conversation, furrowed her brow. "It's possible he triggered some sort of evolutionary…" Her face paled.

"Doc?" Jack said trying to refocus Janet's attention.

The doctor's thoughts, however, had jumped to another train of thought. "Sir, shouldn't we have heard from Corporal Cuddy? She left over an hour ago. The school is only twenty minutes from here." Panic leaked into her voice.

General Hammond interjected before she could respond. "Doctor, Major Carter, and Colonel O'Neill, my office. Everyone else, you're dismissed."

Jack and Sam shared a brief look before leaving the conference room. The others filed out of the conference room slowly with an air of confusion. Janet shut Hammond's door behind her and there was anxiety in her very presence.

"General, that's why they want me to tell them. That's why they're doing this. They want the baby," she started, fear exuding from her tone.

"Wait, what? That was Anubis and his goons," Jack said, stepping forward. "What is she talking about?"

The older man squared his shoulders. "Last night Doctor Frasier received a phone call from someone at the Pentagon. It seems that if she is willing to pass on all relevant medical data pertaining to Major Carter's unborn son, they are willing to let the fraternization go with little more than a reprimand. Colonel O'Neill, you would retain command of SG-1 and Major Carter would become head of our scientists here."

"They're going to promote me?" Sam asked with incredulity.

"Yes."

"They seriously think they can bribe me with a promotion to sacrifice my child?" she shot back. "With all due respect, sir, I'll take responsibility for my actions."

"Major Carter, the truth is, other than a letter of reprimand, the position they're offering you, I still would have recommended you for. Colonel O'Neill, being the commanding officer in this situation, would bear the brunt of it. My decision was to remove him from command and reassign him to training new recruits for an indefinite amount of time," he explained, his blue eyes boring into Jack.

"I understand, sir," Jack commented. "I concur with Carter. I'd rather know my son was safe."

"We figured as much and sent the Corporal to pick up Cassie from school."

Sam looked confused. "What does Cass have to do with this?"

Trembling, Janet explained. "They told me that if I didn't cooperate they were going to hurt Cassie. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, so we waited until midday to send someone for her."

"What?" Sam gasped.

"And we haven't heard from the Corporal?" Jack started probing.

"No," she answered, her hands shaking as she ran them through her hair. "The school is only twenty minutes away…" Sam wrapped her arms around her friend, while Jack took initiative to pick up the phone.

"Connect me to Corporal Cuddy," he ordered to the airman on the other end. There was a tense silence as they waited. "Try again." Still more silence. "Fine, connect me to Cheyenne Mountain High." He fiddled with a pen on the desk while he waited. "Yes, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill. I'm the emergency contact for Cassandra Frasier. There's an urgent matter…oh, I see, I hadn't realized. Thank you, good bye." Finally he placed the phone back on the cradle and slowly lifted his brown eyes to face the group. "They've got Cass."

TBC…

 _A/N – There is a Cheyenne Mountain High – I looked it up… and according to Google maps, it'll take you about 20 minutes to get there from Cheyenne Mountain AFB. See! I did my research!_


	11. Messy

Jack wasn't accustomed to being late. SG-1 was the luckiest damn team in the galaxy, hell maybe even the universe. Even when their timing was bad, it was good. The dragons were always slain, the damsels always rescued, and with the exception of a few hiccups along the way, happily ever after was the general outcome. As he stared at the carnage and as the stench of burnt human flesh assaulted his nose he wanted to look up to the sky and scream that this was SG-1, their last mission with him as commander, how was it that they could save everyone else, but they were one minute too late to save their own.

"Don't let Janet out of the car," Jack hissed at Daniel, who looked as though he were barely able to stand. "Go," he urged again. Teal'c stood with him trying to figure out what they were going to do next. Stoically he stepped over the bullet-riddled body of some unnamed schmuck who decided to side with the wrong people. Blood spattered the concrete floor and he knew he should be grateful to see there were more dead enemies than dead friends. Two of his men had fallen; five were injured. Jack froze in front of the chair holding his dead target. The mission had been a complete and irrevocable failure.

"O'Neill, we should untie her," Teal'c said, his voice while quiet seemed to scream. Jack stood before the lifeless and limp form of Cassandra Frasier.

"I know," he whispered as fire coursed through his veins. "I know, T." He found himself unable to move, unable to touch her. There was less blood than there had been with Charlie. There was no hope as there had been during the ambulance ride with Charlie. The light that had once lived in her eyes was forever gone.

"Colonel! Colonel!" Janet's voice rang out and panic shot through every part of Jack's body.

"T, block the body, she _cannot_ see," Jack ordered firmly. He turned on his heel and bee lined straight for Janet. In two seconds he had his hands squarely on her upper arms and forcibly turned her so her back was to Teal'c. "Janet you need to stay in the car. Daniel was supposed to make sure you stayed in the car."

"He tried, but the look on his face. Sir, what's wrong? If she needs medical attention…" her voice trailed off as the grim look on Jack's face sunk in. "Oh God, no. Please no. Let me see her, there's got to be something I can do!" She started to try to wrench herself out of his grip but he held tightly and he suspected there would be bruising, but he was determined not to let her last memory of Cassandra be of the broken body now hidden by the large Jaffa.

"Doc. Doc. DOC!" he shouted in her face as tears started forming in her eyes. "There is nothing you can do. I will not let you see her like this. I promise you will have your chance to say goodbye, but let me tell you from experience that this is not the way you want to do it." In a fluid motion he engulfed her in his arms as her body was wracked with sobs. She muttered Cassie's name over and over again and even Jack found his eyes stinging as he tried to stay strong for her. No matter what, he knew he could live with the image seared into his brain next to Charlie's. He also knew that Janet could live with it, but as a friend, he wouldn't let her.

Finally Daniel walked up and guided Janet away from Jack and let her collapse on him. "I'll take her back out. I'm sorry Jack." Jack just waved him on and turned back to the gruesome sight he now needed to deal with.

"Let's get her untied, T," he relented with a sigh. His stalwart friend and comrade gave a somber nod before stepping behind the girl and gently working at the bindings. Even in death they found themselves treating her tenderly and Jack thought her skin felt unnaturally cold as he lifted her up to take her to one of the medics so she could be shuttled back to the mountain. Death was wrong, Jack decided. It was always wrong whether in old age or the infirm or the young or the healthy. Something inside him was screaming that this wasn't how things were supposed to be and yet, so they were, and so he pushed the internal conflict aside so that he could focus on the unbearable job before him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Keeping her mind off of the fact that Jack was on an incredibly dangerous and important mission to save Cassandra was no easy task. Sam found herself cleaning, trying to read _What to Expect When You're Expecting_ , poking at her stomach to see if she could get baby boy to move, and even a movie. Nothing was working and so she resigned herself to lying on the couch watching the clock pretending to read a magazine. Her whole body tensed as she heard Jack's truck pull up in the street in front of her house. Sam pulled herself into a standing position and was nearly bowled over as the door flung open.

"Jack, what happened?" she inquired gingerly, stepping back as he practically threw his jacket across the room. He didn't answer but pushed her against the wall and kissed her hard. His tongue forcefully pushed it way into her mouth and as he pinned her, she felt how painfully he wanted her.

"Make love to me, Sam," he begged, sliding his hand under her shirt. His rough hands moved against her skin and it took very little to get her turned on. Still, she knew something must have gone terribly wrong for him to be this demanding. Jack pulled back and gripped her wrists, guiding her to the bedroom where he roughly brought her down on the bed with him.

"Jack, talk to me," she gasped as he trailed down her neck. With what strength she had, Sam forced his eyes to meet hers. "What happened?"

He captured her hands and held them above her head. "Not now, afterwards. Please just let me do this." The depth of sorrow in his brown eyes made her acquiesce and she arched her back to lift her hips to grind against him. Sam remembered how he had made love to her after Ba'al's torture and she could feel the same terror and anger in his movements as before. Afterward several incredibly hard and slightly uncomfortable thrusts he let out a primal yell and all his strength left him. Jack rolled from on top of her and laid staring at the ceiling.

"We were too late," he said, his voice barely audible. "I was too late."

Sitting up, Sam studied his face. "What do you mean? They took her somewhere else?"

He covered his eyes with his right hand. "She's dead." He felt her instantly wrap her arms around him and that understanding, gentle touch broke him. "We failed. I failed. I failed her. I failed Janet. I failed Charlie, I failed…" Unlike even with Ba'al, Jack began to sob, an audible moan of pain escaping his lips.

At the very sight of tears in Jack's eyes, Sam began to cry as well and she held him tighter. "No, no it's not your fault. You did the best you could."

"One more minute, Sam. If I'd had just one more fucking minute!" he growled, banging a fist on his leg. He let himself relax into his lover's embrace and she soothed him by stroking his back and his hair. Her own salty drops mixed with his and neither knew how long they sat weeping, mourning. Finally, as the sun began to fade and dusk fell, they wiped the tears from their eyes.

"I need a drink," he said succinctly and excused himself to the kitchen. He found a bottle of tequila stashed in a cupboard and he didn't even bother to get a glass. Sam joined him and he held out the bottle. "I'd offer you some, but you're with child."

"It's all right, I need to go see Janet. I know Daniel's with her, but we're best friends. Will you be okay?"

"I won't be driving although you may find me passed out on your floor when you come home," he said, taking another swig. "I promise not to puke on the couch."

Sam gave him a sad smile and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. "I love you." Jack's eyes captured hers and with the agony of the day's events she knew it meant more in the dark hour it had ever before.

"Me too," he whispered back hoarsely. She gave his hand a squeeze and walked out. Her motorcycle was her preferred choice in moments of extreme distress. The air, the freedom, made her feel alive. When the lights of Janet's single level home appeared, Sam slowed down. Daniel's car was in the driveway and she parked her bike next to it. Pulling off her helmet she let herself bask in the memories she had shared with Cassie. Just before she found out she was pregnant, Dominic had broken up with Cassie. With the blessing of Janet, Sam had brought over wine and had let the budding young woman have a glass while they talked about girl stuff. There had been ice cream and soda mixed with laughter and tears.

She didn't bother to knock, but let herself in. Janet was asleep on the couch and she heard the telltale noises of movement in the kitchen. Daniel was behind a stove cooking something in the pot while Teal'c was carefully pulling out Tupperware.

"Hey," Sam said, walking in. Daniel turned around and greeted her. "What are you making?"

"Lentil stew. It's an Abydonian recipe… well I guess technically it's an Earth version of an Abydonian recipe. Sha're showed me how to make it when the other women weren't looking. It freezes well and I thought…"

"No, it's great. She'll need it."

There was a pause of uncomfortable silence. "How's Jack?"

Sam dropped her gaze. "At home, drinking a bottle of tequila. It's tearing him up."

Daniel studied her for a moment and then walked around to hug her. "I'm glad he has you."

"He is a strong warrior, Major Carter and you are a beautiful woman," Teal'c observed. "There is nothing that comforts more than that."

Fresh tears sprang into her eyes. "I'm sorry we didn't tell you guys." She pulled back from Daniel and wiped her eyes.

"You had your reasons. The important thing is that we're here for each other and for Janet," he replied, rubbing her back.

"I smell something good in here," came the low voice of Janet Frasier. "Thanks for cooking, I'm hungry."

Sam crossed over to her friend and engulfed her in an embrace. "Oh Jan, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry." They held each other tightly and Janet nodded mutely. "I'm here fore you, whatever you need." The piercing shrill of Sam's phone interrupted their peaceful, yet somber moment. It was Jack. "Hey."

"Carter, I'm coming by to pick you up," his speech was slightly slurred and she heard someone talking in the background. "Scratch that, Major Davis is coming to pick you and everyone there up and me too." More talking in the background. "No, I'm going with Colonel Dixon. I'll meet you at the SGC." Then he hung up.

She stood with her phone out stunned. "Major Davis is on his way here. Says he's taking us all to the SGC."

"What's going on?" Janet asked, the distraction providing a moment's relief from the unbearable depression that had descended on her.

"I don't know. Jack hung up before I could ask."

Daniel turned off the stove and covered the pot before placing it in the fridge. Sam helped Janet find some clean clothes to change into and by the time she was dressed there was a knock at the door. Teal'c let Major Davis in and there was the sense of urgency surrounding him.

"We have to get you to the Gate now," Paul said keeping the door open. "The Goa'uld infiltrated more of our command structure than we had previously realized and they're seriously pissed off about the events of the last few weeks."

"Why now? Can't we wait a few days?" Sam asked. "Let Janet bury her daughter first."

"No time," he answered. "Please, just get in the car, I'll explain on the way."

They managed to all fit in the town car that Paul was driving and as promised he began the story once they were on the road. "Anubis is on his way here. I have reason to suspect the President, Vice-President, and several of the Joint Chiefs have been implanted. I just received information from someone on the inside that there are men on their way to secure SG-1 and Janet Frasier as well as any other 'uncooperative' personnel."

"All this for my baby?" Sam exclaimed. "Where are we going to go?"

"Hammond has you set up to go through to the Alpha site, from there is your own decision, but we have to get you through fast."

An uneasiness fell over them and Janet cleared her throat. "What about the mirror?"

"What do you mean?" Teal'c responded, turning from the front passenger seat to look at the woman.

"Wherever we go, Sam's baby is always going to be in danger. Why not go to an alternate reality all together? We could go to one where the mirror hasn't been moved off the planet. Distance should delay entropic cascade failure right?"

Sam's brows furrowed at this thought. "Actually you're right. If we're far enough away it maybe decades before we start to feel the effect. Jan, you're brilliant!"

"The quantum mirror it is," Paul agreed and pushed the gas pedal down a little bit further.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Jack's head was still pretty fuzzy by the time he found himself on the SGC which is probably why he didn't stand a chance when several SFs detained him and escorted him to a holding room. He was soon accompanied by Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and Janet. Colonel Simmons was standing in the doorway with Paul Davis and Dave Dixon.

"Good job you two. This was much easier than our previous attempt, although if you all had simply agreed, we wouldn't have had such a tragedy befall Miss Frasier."

"You slimy, snake-headed bastard," Janet growled and she started to stand up but Daniel put his arm out to keep her down.

Simmons' eyes glowed. "Such insolence will not be tolerated when Anubis arrives." Then he turned on his heels and walked away, flanked by the two that had betrayed them.

"I can't believe I trusted him!" Sam shouted. "Everything he said I trusted implicitly."

"So did I," Daniel answered.

"As did I, Major Carter. He is very skilled in the art of deception," Teal'c concurred.

Jack stood up and started to pace, although he sat down again when he realized he wasn't doing so well walking in a straight line. "All I know is that as soon as I get out of here, I'm going to kill all of them." Sam sighed and took a cot. The day had exhausted her and even if the cot was uncomfortable, she knew she needed to rest, especially if they were going to try to escape.

There was no contact from anyone, although they had asked to see General Hammond several times, each request being ignored. Trays of food were brought to them and they couldn't help but notice that Sam's seemed heartier than theirs. Feeling guilty she offered the extra to the others who's meals seemed scant, but all refused, so she left it on her plate.

"You must eat, Major Carter," Teal'c said softly. "You must keep your strength up."

"I'm fine, really."

Janet sniffled. "No, he's right, Sam. You need more food than we do and who knows what our resources will be like when we get out of here."

Not able to argue with the grieving mother, Sam finished the remainder of her tray and withdrew back to the cot. Jack sat on the edge and placed his hand on her hip as much to give her comfort as to receive it. Eventually they gave in to sleep. Jack scrunched on the cot next to Sam, Janet took a top bunk, as did Daniel, and Teal'c remained up, watching, waiting.

A noise startled Jack awake and he rose to find Dave Dixon crouched down next to his bed. He was about to hit the son of a bitch, but the man had placed a hand on his arm. "Jack, look, it's not what you think. Major Davis and I had to remain on the outside so we could get you out of here."

"Why the hell should I believe you? Last I checked you delivered us to the enemy!" he hissed at his erstwhile comrade.

"Fine, don't believe me. Stay in this cell and rot. Or you can believe me. It's your choice."

His gut told him to trust Dave, so he did. His gut was never wrong, well except that one time in South America… and that other time in Kuwait. "What's the plan?"

"Paul told me about the mirror idea and I agree that it's a good plan. Right now the mirror's being ignored. Bunch of arrogant snakeheads don't think we'd jump to another universe. I've sent Doctor Frasier to her lab to collect the DNA she'd taken from your baby so they have nothing to use and Paul's taking her to dial the mirror."

"Wouldn't that be done better by Sam?"

"No choice. We could come up with a decent excuse for her, but you guys, it's a little more complicated."

Jack was sitting up now listening intently. "Go on."

"I've set several charges in the hallways to blow as a distraction. Teal'c's already headed to the armory; we'll meet him on the way. We're going to bust our way through. I'll work on rousing Daniel, you get Carter," he ordered turning his back to Jack. For a brief second he considered incapacitating Dave, but staid his hand. Rolling over he found Sam already sitting up. He smiled. Despite months of having not been off world, some instincts never disappeared.

"I heard the whole thing. I'm ready."

Dave took point, Daniel stood protectively next to Sam, and Jack watched her six. Halfway down the corridor, they met Teal'c who passed out zats to the team. It was at least three turns before they were met by a contingent of SFs. "Stand down," Dave ordered. "We don't want to have to shoot any of you."

The young man in front lifted his gun and they were startled when a detonation went off. In the chaos they slipped by, Jack whacking at least two guys on the head who tried to stop them. They were almost there and he found himself apprehensive. Cassie's death put him off his game. He was used to believing they were lucky enough to beat whatever odds were against them, but now, as the smoke dissipated and they were met by more soldiers, he wasn't so sure.

The room they needed was just around the corner the men were standing at. Had they gotten to Paul and Janet? Jack prayed they hadn't. Sam was holding her own, not that he had any doubt, but she was also the most vulnerable of the group. They wanted her and they would stop at nothing to get her. They stood together out of the eyesight of the SFs.

"Damn," Dave muttered. "They're already here."

"What if we distract them?" Daniel asked. Dave turned to him and urged him to continue. "Look, it's absolutely vital we get Sam out of here. We can't let Anubis get his hands on her child. The three of us cause a big enough ruckus, draw their attention, lay down cover fire, and Jack gets Sam to the mirror."

"Daniel, I can't let you sacrifice yourself," Sam protested. "We all go. No one gets left behind."

Teal'c shared a glance with Jack and Daniel dropped his gaze. "Not this time Sam and you know why."

Pressing her lips together tightly she cursed her hormones. "I love you guys."

"Let's do this," Dave ordered and immediately Daniel jumped out and started shouting. Teal'c used the SF's confusion to take a few down and Dave followed suit. Jack threw his body protectively over Sam and set off another charge. The smoke gave them enough cover to get through and he could see the door. Almost there, he thought urging Sam forward.

"Stop!" he heard behind him, but he wasn't about to listen. He felt a pain tear through his right leg and he began to fall.

"Go, Sam, go," he yelled, but she looked at him in horror.

"No, not without you," she stated firmly and she hoisted him onto her shoulder. Another shot rang out and Jack knew it had come close to his head. Just a few more steps, he urged himself silently. He tried to fire behind him, but the leg was just too bad. The smoke was disappearing and he heard another shot. Jack waited for it to hit him, with no fog he was a sitting duck, they wouldn't hurt Carter. The pain never came and as they managed to get into the room which Paul unlocked as they appeared, he glanced backward. On the ground in a pool of his own blood was Dave Dixon. He had thrown himself in front of the shooter and now Teal'c stood over the dead SF. His heart clenched, but there was no time. Not now.

Paul slammed the door shut behind them. Janet was hiding behind a table clutching several vials.

"Thank God you made it," she said. "We've got a planet. Came up on the first try."

"You didn't need to put in any parameters or hunt or anything," Sam asked quizzically. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Carter, we don't have time for this, Paul, we need to get going."

Major Davis shook his head. He was about to speak when he heard banging on the other side of the door. "Take the remote with you. I've got several packs here with enough food and water to help you survive for a few weeks, it's the best I could do." Bang punctuated his words. "Go! Now!" The door was starting to give. Sam touched the mirror first, followed by Janet, and as Jack touched the mirror and explosion rocked the room. On the other side of the mirror, they watched in horror as Paul was gunned down, but in his last act they saw him detonate a grenade and then it went black.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sam wasn't sure how long they sat there in the cavern with the mirror. They said nothing, but just sat looking at the mirror now dead, the remote lying next to it. Silent tears ran down Sam's cheeks as she contemplated all that she had lost. Her father, her friends, her home.

"We need to find shelter. If I remember correctly there's a settlement of friendly natives close by," Jack said softly, slowly standing and using the wall of the cave to support himself. He had bound his own leg as Janet was still in shock. Years of following Jack's lead brought Sam to her feet, but Janet remained seated in a daze.

"C'mon Janet," she spoke to her friend placing a light touch on the doctor's arm.

"I can't. Just leave me here," she answered, her voice level and dead.

Blue eyes moved to meet dark brown. "I need you. I'm going to have a baby and I can't do that without you."

Nodding in resignation she let Jack help her up and slowly the trio made their way from their only connection to their world and into the unknown.


	12. Epilogue

Her blue eyes closed as Sam tried to imagine circuits and fuses and electrical currents. Her head was hurting and her candle was burning low, but still she forced her brain to keep calculating. If she stopped, she would have to face the small house she shared with Jack and their son and yet again remember everything she'd lost. The creak of the door jarred her eyes open however, and although her face was partly cast in shadow, Jack could see the strain in her face.

"Sorry I'm late. One of the plows broke," he explained walking over to the wash basin to clean his hands. Sam said nothing but stared listlessly at the paper in front of her. "Where's David?"

She waited a moment before speaking. "He's with Janet. I needed some down time and he's been extra fussy the past few days. I think a tooth is starting to break through, he had a slight fever earlier." Her voice was monotone and its lack of passion was not lost on her husband. He sat down on the chair next to her and took her hand.

"Sounds like someone else I know."

He leaned back in the chair and Sam just sat, shoulders hunched over. Her thoughts were screaming in her head, but her mouth remained silent and then there was a small prick of pain in her heart and tears trickled down her cheeks. "I can't do this Jack. I'm trying to use what I know to help these people but everything I know assumes some sort of basic technology, wires, fuses… I'm trying to make these things from scratch!"

Tenderly he rubbed her back. "You'll figure it out."

"No, I won't. I can't." The tears were flowing freely now and so Jack pulled her to himself and pressed his lips into the top of her golden mane. He felt a sense of relief that she was crying. After David was born something in her was different and she seemed distant and melancholy.

"Okay."

Sam pulled back and with red, puffy eyes gave him a questioning look. "What?" She sniffled. "What do you mean 'okay'?"

"We're not on a mission, Sam. I'm not your commanding officer; you don't have any directives to complete. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it." He studied her face for a moment and saw her unspoken fears. "It doesn't make you a failure. As painful as it is that we're stuck here, this is our life now. We might as well live out the way we want to. If it makes you happy to build an electrical mainframe and boot this podunk town into the 21st century… well maybe more like early 20th century… whatever. If that's what you want to do, then I'll support you. If all you want to do is take care of David and sleep all day, then I'll let you do that too."

"I'm so frustrated! I feel useless and I hate this planet. I just don't want to do this anymore Jack. Everything I ever worked for is meaningless. My accomplishments don't mean anything to these people. They're simple and accepting, and so… dammit!" she ranted, letting another wave of tears fall. "The other day I was walking by the river and I just wanted to jump it. I just wanted to weigh myself down and just sink to the bottom. What kind of mother does that make me?"

"Human," he whispered. "Janet's worried about you." He fidgeted in his seat and inhaled deeply. "I wasn't late because of a plow. I went to see Janet."

"Why? Is something wrong?" she asked her voice shaky.

Jack averted his gaze and he looked decidedly uncomfortable with the way the conversation was headed. "Janet thinks you might be suffering from post-partum depression. I just… I guess I just thought you needed time."

"Me too," she answered hoarsely, blinking to keep her tears at bay. "I just don't know if I'm ever going to be okay again."

Jack stood up and guided her to follow and then he enveloped her in his arms. He swayed ever so slightly as he held her and she clung to him as if he were her lifesaver. After a moment he lifted her chin and pressed his lips against hers. Intimacy between them had been perfunctory at best and rare to boot. Sam knew he wouldn't push her but the honesty that she had just exhibited and his tenderness in receiving it made her ache for her lover. His kisses were unassuming, punctuated as if asking her for permission and cupping his face she widened the kiss to give him access.

With her invitation he crushed her against him and ran his kisses down her throat not having forgotten the sweet spots that made her blood run hot. His hands remained at her waist and had sneaked up to touch her breast but snaked back down remembering that they were still for their son and their forbidden nature made Jack want them even more. It was a short journey to their quaint bedroom and Sam felt her desire burn brighter as she saw love, lust, and concern in Jack's brown eyes. As he removed her simple dress and made love to her, she felt cared for and safe, something she had been denying herself ever since they'd come to this god forsaken planet.

Her climax brought with it tears as her body could no longer contain her emotions that she held so tightly to. Jack kept her close as she wept. "How am I going to survive this?"

"With the help of me and Janet," he said, stroking her hair. "It'll take time."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here for me."

Jack moved to meet her blue eyes. "Always." She snuggled closer to him and as she sighed there was a burden lifted from her shoulders. It would be a long road, but for the first time Sam felt the beginnings of hope light her darkness. Their Earth was long gone, but with Jack, Sam knew she was home.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The mirror had lay dormant for months. Minor scratches and blast marks from C4 marred its once flawless surface, but it remained intact. It would take more than the rudimentary weapons and explosives that the people of this planet had at their disposal. A crude alarm system had been rigged and the entrance had been blocked to at least slow anything that might try to come through.

Today it flickered and a small hiss indicated that the internal crystal system had been somewhat damaged by the initial attempts to destroy it. The alien technology was more durable than that, however, and soon the mirror shimmered and an image appeared but there were no eyes to see it.

Had the person on the other side come through the alarm system would have worked, but the being on the other side had no desire to enter, indeed, he was unable. He was able however to send a signal through ensuring that his enemies that had eluded him were punished.

Less than a minute later the mirror went dormant again; the only evidence of its activation being the warm surface, but there were no human hands to feel it. And because of that, there would be no warning.

The End

 _A/N: I thoroughly enjoyed writing this story. For those of you who listened to the Alanis song it was based on, you'll think, this has nothing to do with the song! It was *based* on the song which means I heard it and latched onto an idea in it and then gave birth to the story. I don't intend the song to match. Inspiration is a funny thing!_


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